Turn on your television, and you will see our oceans and its inhabitants under man-made threat (over-consumption and corporate greed); fires blazing and destroying acres of forests, smog in major cities choking its citizens; hurricanes taking homes and lives, and many people turning to veganism after watching Netflix’s The Game Changers.

Change is clearly needed, and it needs to start with all of us. If one person makes one change at a time, no matter how small, they can make a difference. With the new year approaching, there are a few ways you can do your part towards ethical living. 

Go Meatless

If you’re already doing Meatless Mondays, good for you! Now, try to take that a little further and start cutting down on meat consumption on a daily basis. There is a misconception that vegetarians and vegans only eat salads. Sure, they do but they also cook up a storm using beans, legumes, grains, vegetables, and fruit. Fresh, plant-based food is not only healthy for you, but also delicious. One of my favorites is this hearty One Pot Creamy Hummus Pasta and I also love this collection of Vegetarian Instant Pot recipes.

Make Your Own Gifts or Shop Ethically

Do not shop online or make a beeline to the nearest store for gifts this coming year. Toys are generally in plastic packaging, generating more waste that our environment does not need. Make your own! If you are crafty or up for a new experience, try making your own candles and soaps, bake cookies, sew pretty tea towels, make jewelry, or if you have time, knit your special someone a warm sweater! If you are craft-challenged, consider shopping ethically. Head to Ocean Junkies for ocean-friendly products for yourself, home, and kids; The Little Market for homewares like baskets and candles; Thrive Market for wine, coffee, natural bath, and cleaning products; Hope Made in the World for gorgeous artisan-woven bags, and Green Toys are made from 100% recycled materials. 

Donate to Climate Change Causes or an Animal Shelter

Here’s a radical idea: instead of gifting an object, consider donating to a climate change cause on behalf of your family member or friend. However, before you do so, do your research. Ensure that you check out how the charity disburses its donations.  Go to Charity Navigator to look for reputable organizations where they evaluate charities and rate them. 

Adopt, Don’t Buy

If you want to surprise your children with their first dog or cat, why not head to the nearest pet shelter instead of a pet store? Look for no-kill shelters such as Best Friends Animal Society or do a quick search for your nearest shelter. 

Use Ethical Technology

Making conscious changes to be more ethical means doing research on the Internet. If you’re looking for a Google alternative, why not try an ethical search engine such as Ekoru? Ekoru donates part of their revenue from ad clicks to organizations such as Big Blue Ocean Cleanup. Their servers are housed in eco-friendly data centres to ensure that user searches have a minimal impact on the environment. There is a comprehensive list of ethical technological solutions at Ethical.net.

Waste not, want not. You can make the new year (and every year after!) an ethical one. Make a difference today!

About the Author: Alison Lee is a mother of four, writer, and editor. Her writing is featured extensively on various websites such as The Washington Post, Scary Mommy, The Huffington Post, Everyday Family, BonBon Break, Mamalode, Feminine Collective, and many more. Alison is the co-editor of Multiples Illuminated which has published two books on twins and triplets and her essays have been published in two anthologies. A vegan, Alison loves spending time in nature on long hikes. 

The post How to Make Ethical Choices for Your Family in 2020 first appeared on BonBon Break.

Alison Lee, BonBon Break’s Syndicated Content Editor, joined up with Megan Woolsey, to create a brilliant book for parents of multiples, Multiples Illuminated. When Alison sent me the copy to preview, I couldn’t put it down. It is so beautifully written and edited. I found myself tearing up, laughing and nodding along as I read through chapter by chapter — and I don’t even have twins or triplets (or more!).

Megan and I joined up for a podcast to discuss the new book, the journey it took to get it going and their plans for the future. Join us as we chat about the ins and outs of parenthood and the must-have book for parents of multiples:

Listen to Megan Woolsey discuss ”Multiples Illuminated” on iTunes or Google Play Music or STITCHER

FEATURED IN THIS PODCAST:

• How the idea for Multiples Illuminated came about
• How their partnership formed
• How this book helps parents and families of multiples
• Other resources Megan and Alison have created for parents of multiples
• What the early years with triplets were like
• A typical day for Megan as a mom of four, including 8-year-old triplets
• Advice for parents who are in the first year with multiples
• What’s next for Multiples Illuminated

BUY THE BOOK!

• Amazon (paperback and Kindle)
  
• Barnes & Noble (Nook)
  
• iBooks
  
• Kobo

We would also greatly appreciate it if you can  post an Amazon and/ or Goodreads review when you’re ready.

FOLLOW MULTIPLES ILLUMINATED

The site: www.multiplesilluminated.com

Facebook: http://facebook.com/multiplesilluminated

Twitter: http://twitter.com/multiplesillum

ABOUT MEGAN:  Megan Woolsey is a writer, editor and publisher living in Northern California with a very supportive husband and a wild bunch of red-headed children – a set of triplets and their big sister. Megan has been published in Huffington Post, Scary Mommy, BLUNTmoms, Bonbon Break, Mamalode, In The Powder Room, and is an essayist in two anthologies. She is launching her first book In May called Multiples Illuminated: A Collection of Stories and Advice From Parents of Twins, Triplets and More. 

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The post BonBon Break LIVE: Multiples Illuminated first appeared on BonBon Break.

I’ve been all of those mothers. The one whose knees buckled under the weight of parenting. The one who has admitted to not always loving this gig that I chose, on purpose, after much thought. The one who is craft-challenged, who isn’t the fun parent, who feeds her kids birthday cake for breakfast, who yells, who questions her decisions daily, who wonders if the kids know they’re loved. I’ve also been the parent who bakes cookies with the kids, who have not slept for six years, who cleans up pee, poop, and snot without complaint, who’s in charge of everything but in control of nothing.

I’m also the mother who loves her children with her entire being and jokes that there are no favorites because “I dislike them all equally.” (I don’t.) I’m the mother who yells, and who whispers I love you. I’m the mother who begs her babies to sleep and misses them when they sleep through the night. I’m the mother who has breastfed four children for a combined 56 months and counting but wants her boobs back. I’m the mother who fails on many levels but is doing her best.

I guess I’m trying to say that even though I’d love to enjoy every single waking moment of time with my children, even though I KNOW that there are only so many days we each have on this earth, even though I have given them my heart and soul – I am only human. There are days when I want to retreat into myself – please don’t touch me, if you don’t listen to me so help me God, stop asking me for shit, stop crying, play and leave me alone for one minute – and hell yes, I do, I will not apologize for that.

We are not just mothers and wives and friends and everything to someone.

We are human and women, and we want and need some of ourselves back. We need to hold that close to our hearts and let it go at appropriate moments (what those are, only you will know). We are people who need to be loved and cared for, too. We need breaks, a game of Candy Crush, a quiet moment on the toilet, a long shower, time to read books, a day a week to do what we love.

We must do all those things, and we must love our babies with every fiber of our being. We must not forget our mother-status, and we must not forget ourselves. We let these heart-lines to our children grow and strengthen, and we must look after our hearts.

How do we do it all? We don’t. We do what we have to at any given moment. Be present this day. Take time to yourself the next. Yell, then let it go. Or hug it out, and give yourself a gold star for remaining calm.

We can be the mother who plays with her children. We can be the mother who trusts her children to have fun without her. We can be multi-faceted without losing one side or the other. We can live full, rich lives even as we search for ways to find a balance between taking care of the children and taking care of ourselves. The path is long and tricky. We will stumble, fall even. Some may not get up for a while. It doesn’t mean defeat or “bad mother.” It just means we need to pick ourselves up and try again.

That’s what it is, isn’t it, this motherhood thing? It is a paradox. It’s a winding path full of wonder and obstacles. It is at once heartwarming and heart wrenching. It takes fortitude and vulnerability.

Fortify. Be your best self.

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This post was written by Alison Lee exclusively for BonBon Break Media LLC.

The post I’m Only Human first appeared on BonBon Break.

Honestly, it breaks my heart to “pick” posts because each and every post on here is chosen out of thousands of submissions and suggestions. Each and every post on BonBon Break is handpicked for you.

So, without further ado, we bring you…

BONBON BREAK’s  Top 10 NEW Posts of 2015

1. A Letter to My Children About Fifty Shades of Grey by Michelle Lewsen of They Call Me Mummy
2. Nails, Mascara and Other Reasons I Won’t Unfriend You on Facebook by Laura O’Rourke of Mommy Miracles and (BonBon Break!)
3. Why Your Child’s Teacher is Asking for 45 Glue Sticks by Nicole of Moments that Define Life
4. 10 Sleep-Inducing Activities for Easier Bedtimes by Aradhana Pandey
5. Do’s and Don’ts of Growing Tomatoes by Jeanne of Gardening Jones
6. How to Stop Back Talk! by Ariadne Brill of Positive Parenting Connection
7. Blackberry Whiskey Lemonade by Jessie Johnson of Life As A Strawberry
8. 5 Reasons to Keep a Sharpie in Your Purse by Suzanne Cowden of Flour Arrangements (and BonBon Break!)
9. 20 Top Boots for Fall by Val Curtis of BonBon Break
10.  Why Moms Are Overwhelmed But Won’t Ask For Help by Melinda Means of Mothering from Scratch

HONORABLE MENTIONS FROM OUR EDITORS:

• The Sonogram by Anna Whiston-Donaldson of An Inch of Gray
• Why I Don’t Give 100% to Anything by Alice Seuffert of Dining with Alice
• 5 Things You Probably Don’t Know Teachers Are Thinking by Jennifer Wolfe of mamawolfe
• Re-Entry: Life After Depression by Angie Kinghorn of AngieKinghorn.com
• I’m Not That Kind of Christian by Katie Sluiter of Sluiter Nation
• Walk in My Shoes, White Mom by Keesha Beckford of Mom’s New Stage (and BonBon Break!)
• Stop the Nonsense, and Get Your Life! by C. Imani Williams (onTwitter )
• Philanthropy, Wine, and Chocolate by Nancy Davis Kho of Midlife Mixtape
• Dear Other Woman…Thank You by Kristin Shaw of Two Cannoli
• The Simple Cleaning Tip that Is Hard to Explain by Robyn Welling of Hollow Tree Ventures

While on the topic of our editors, I am ETERNALLY grateful for each and everyone. In addition to finding, vetting, and editing content this year, they contributed their beautiful voices with fantastic pieces to BonBon Break through the year. Check out the content from ALISON, SUZANNE, AMELIA, CERYS and KEESHA‘s…OK, and I wrote a few things as well.

I cannot forget Val R. and Tracy. I adore you two!

We loved hearing so many of our contributors on BonBon Break LIVE this year. Jump in and listen to a few!

…and we can’t forget about the food. Yes, I am putting our fabulous recipes in their own category because Suzanne did such an AMAZING job of rounding up mouthwatering recipes and fantastic cocktails over 2015. Take a peek at the Top 10.

TOP RECIPES OF 2015

1. Easy Gluten Free Pancake Recipe by Val Curtis of BonBon Break
2. Blackberry Whiskey Lemonade by Jessie Johnson of Life As A Strawberry
3. 50 + Fall Soup Recipes to Warm Your Soul by Suzanne Cowden of Flour Arrangements (and BonBon Break!)
4. 50+ Perfect Holiday Pie Recipes by Suzanne Cowden of Flour Arrangements (and BonBon Break!)
5. Funnel Cakes by Lisa of The Cooking Bride
6. Broccoli Cauliflower Cheese Bake by Tara Noland of Noshing with the Nolands
7. Cheesy Mashed Cauliflower Gratin by Faith Gorsky of An Edible Mosaic
8. 150+ Christmas Cookie Recipes by Val Curtis of BonBon Break
9. Corned Beef and Cabbage Soup by Gina Holmolka of SkinnyTaste
10. Savory Pumpkin Rolls by Suzanne Cowden of Flour Arrangements (and BonBon Break!)

Plus 2 of our FAVE cocktails:

Espresso Vodka Martini by Julie and Debbie from Cooks with Cocktails
Raspberry Moscow Mule by Maya Dutta-Linn of Treats and Eats

A couple of thank you’s before I let you go. A HUGE thank you to OurPact for sponsoring THREE of our themes this year: Fill Your Bucket, Inspire, and Connect. We were so thrilled to partner with WaterAid America this year. There couldn’t be a nobler cause and a kinder group of people behind-the-scenes. Thank you to them for sponsoring Giving.

A special thank you to our two dudes behind-the-scenes, Greg and Chad. Without Greg, we wouldn’t have a single podcast and so much more – no popcorn here Greg, I am trying to be concise. Aren’t you proud? And Chad – Chad, Chad, Chad — you all haven’t seen what he is bringing to the table yet, but there are GREAT things ahead that we have been hashing out since Spring. YES, Spring.

To our readers and contributors, your kind words and supportive comments have buoyed us throughout the year. YOU are why we created BonBon Break, and you are why we continue to love this job. You are the ones who let all the mamas know they are NOT alone. Thank you.

Best wishes for the New Year ,and I will leave you with this meme, because I just love my memes.

Besos,

Val Curtis

The post Top 10 Posts of 2015 first appeared on BonBon Break.

It’s a season of getting together with family and friends, planning big meals, shopping and cooking for those meals, gift buying and wrapping, donating time and presents to the community (if you can afford it). All this on top of what we already do daily: running the household, schlepping kids around, and trying to be there for everyone, all the time.

By giving yourself to everyone, you’re leaving nothing in the tank for yourself.

Here’s your challenge and my gift to you – five ways you should and must give back to yourself.

1. Give yourself a break

Easier said than done, you declare. No, not really. Let your inner (or outer as the case may be) control freak go. Delegate tasks. Put the kids to work on household chores. Your other half can easily help with taking care of the kids, or take over dinner occasionally. Instead of cooking everything yourself for that Christmas dinner – ask your guests to bring a dish each. Instead of making wish lists, ask your children to choose a charity they want to donate to, in lieu of a gift to themselves (save yourself the shopping time!).

2. Give yourself a makeover

You don’t need to spend a lot of money buying new clothes, getting a haircut, going to the spa and getting a manicure/ pedicure. Simply adding a belt or a necklace often gives a favorite outfit new life. Instead of paying someone to do a manicure, consider helping out a friend who’s working a home business selling those cute nail wraps, and do it yourself.

3. Give yourself some alone time

I have four kids, two of whom are only 15 months old, and I’m a work-at-home parent. I rarely get alone time, even when I’m in the bathroom. I would be living on the edge of my sanity if it wasn’t for my solo sojourns out of the house every Sunday, even if it’s just for a couple of hours. I am aware that I’m incredibly lucky that my husband recognizes the importance of this gift. I hope that you, too, can find a way to make this work for you.

4. Give yourself a purpose

Another of my sanity savers is the work that I do. I am thankful daily that I do what I love – write and edit – and sometimes, it even pays! Do something you love, with purpose. Don’t know what it is? Think about what gives you joy – it could be crocheting, helping someone with social media, working with animals, charity work – then go and find a way to do it, even if it’s part-time. Doing something outside of your main role as mother/caretaker is rewarding mentally and emotionally.

5. Give yourself grace

No one can do it all, nor can we do it all perfectly. Some things will fall by the wayside. Some days, it could be just the dishes. Other days, you’ll probably feel like the worst mother/ wife/ friend in the world. Give yourself some grace and space to make mistakes. It’s what makes us human. The important thing is to pick yourself up and give it another shot tomorrow.

Give back to yourself – you’re worth it.

READ MORE FROM THE GIVING POSTS

5 Ways to Give Back to Yourself was written by Alison Lee exclusively for BonBon Break Media LLC.

Would you like to sponsor a theme? Click here.

The post 5 Ways to Give Back to Yourself first appeared on BonBon Break.

“1, 2 . . . 3, and 4.”

We’re at my niece’s birthday party, and every five minutes, I am mentally counting heads. Specifically, my children’s heads. In the midst of a large gathering of kids and adults, my four humans seem so tiny, swept into the sea of ready arms of my extended family, and out of my sight.

“1, 2, 3 . . .  4.”

No sooner does one child land back at my side or in my arms, another goes forth with a willing relative more than happy to relieve me.

I feel a little lost and unused to the fact that I can eat uninterrupted.

I drop my plate like it’s hot (it actually is, for once!) and scour the room for the twins. Teetering on toddler-hood, they are being carried around like the precious cargo that they are. Somehow, I’m convinced that they’re abandoned near the children’s play area, dangerously close to the kinetic sand that they will put in their mouths.

Ah, they’re safe, one with my mom, the other with my aunt.

I can’t seem to relax.

If this is what it’s like at a two-hour party where my children are off doing their own things without me in the picture, what will my mental state be when they are 18 and actually old enough to do their own things without me in the picture, FOREVER MORE?

The invisible lines between me and my children are thinning. It’s an inevitable part of parenting, where if you do a fantastic job of this, they leave you. Your good parenting thins that line.

That line starts the moment they are conceived. The cord that nourishes them in-utero is tangible. When they were babies, it was easy to feel close to them. Breastfeeding, co-sleeping, cuddling, holding, carrying – there was no let-up in physical contact. The line sees no deterioration as they enter toddler-hood; I am still their safe landing place. But once they’re past the age of two, signs of wanting to be independent begin to emerge (it’s no coincidence that the ages of two and three are the toughest on us for various reasons).

My six-year-old can do many things on his own. I am at once proud, relieved, and strangely nostalgic. His younger brother is three going on 13. I am proud and slightly mortified that he makes fart jokes already.

Maybe this is why I still breastfeed and co-sleep with my 14-month-old twins. I’m desperately clinging onto that line connecting me to my children, the pieces of my heart who are tearing through childhood.

Unsentimental as I am to their school milestones of preschool, kindergarten, and soon, first grade – no tears, only proud smiles – I already know that I will have a hard time with them leaving home. It’s 12 years away, you say, such a long way away!

To me, that is a mere 624 weekends away. Twelve birthdays away. A mere blink of an eye.

______________________________________________

The passing of time, the speedy growing of children, my increasing panic at that fact – inevitable.

The invisible line that connects me to my children will either wane or strengthen, and that is up to me. What we do now matters. The time spent with them, the times that we let them go, whether on their own or to the safe folds of family and friends, it all matters.

READ THIS NEXT:

• 20 Apps You Can Play with Your Kids
• Remembering Loved Ones Through Food
• The Key to Managing Meltdowns
• Adele is Now THE Voice in My Head

Read more from the CONNECT posts

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This post was written by Alison Lee exclusively for BonBon Break Media, LLC.

Would you like to sponsor a theme? Click here.

The post Invisible Lines first appeared on BonBon Break.

Does he sleep through the night? When did he start doing that?
She wakes up how many times?
Do you sleep train?
How do you get them to go back to bed?
How much sleep should she be getting?

I don’t want to talk about the children’s sleep though. I have been a mother just long enough (5 1/2 years) to know that each child is different and they will come into their own eventually. They will go to bed, stay asleep, and wake up when the sun comes up – all in good time.

I want to to about my sleep. Your sleep. Mothers. Do YOU sleep? How much? How often do you get up in the middle of the night? Can you go back to sleep? Do you ever get to sleep in? Do you nap? For how long? If you don’t, why not? Are you functioning?

I have four children. They are unique individuals. There is one common thread though – none of them ever slept through the night when they were babies (in the case of my twins, they are still babies, and they do not sleep through the night). My first was the worst – up until he was 18 months, he woke up every hour to two hours. I would nurse him, rub his back, pick him up, rock him, put him down, sing to him, nurse him again, and mutter to myself, “Sleep, sleep, SLEEP, child”, like a broken record. I was (barely) living on sleep increments of 60 – 90 minutes, for months.

My second child was my easy one. Easy in every way except sleep. The first three months of his life, I spent wearing down our floor, pacing thousands of steps every night for two hours while he cried. Nothing worked. He was gassy but full. Tired but alert. My husband would come into the room and urge me to take a break. I came to dread the hours of 6 to 8pm. I wish I could tell you how and when he finally did learn to go to sleep, and stay asleep, but I was too tired then to remember.

Now, I am in the deep, deep trenches of first-year motherhood, the third time round. It’d be easy if we had just one baby. We were blessed with fraternal twins! True to form, sleep is a big topic around here. How much, how little, how, where, when.

But enough about my children’s sleep, or lack thereof (though my older two children sleep through the night now, but the 5.00 am wake ups? Another story.) I want to talk about mine, or lack thereof.

The downside to having children approximately two plus years apart, is that when one isn’t pregnant, one is breastfeeding babies. That translates to not sleeping though the night for the past six years.

For someone who doesn’t sleep, I’m happy to say that I function fairly well. I am up at the crack of dawn (thanks to aforementioned early risers), and I don’t get to bed until midnight. I drink two strong coffees by 8.00 am and pop a vitamin B complex pill. I nod off during nursing sessions, and jerk myself awake because there’s always something to do.

What, you ask, trumps sleep? Apparently, writing while drinking another coffee while it’s hot, and eating chocolate. Or watching the latest episode of Scandal in one sitting. Or just sit in silence for a few minutes and dream about sleep.

I do wonder how I’ll feel if I get a full night’s sleep every day. Or even just one night. Will this general malaise go away? Can I muster the will to workout instead of lying on the couch during the short respites from child caring? I’m pretty sure the teenage acne that’s popping up on my chin will disappear. My short-term memory will likely reappear.

I have no idea when all of my kids will sleep through the night and wake up only when the sun is up. But when the day comes, you bet I’ll enjoy that shut eye.

READ MORE FROM ALISON:

• I Hate Running
• 20 Things I Believe In
• Living

Head to the Family Room

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 This post was written by Alison Lee exclusively for BonBon Break Media, LLC.

The post Let’s Talk About Sleep first appeared on BonBon Break.

Marriages die a thousand deaths before they truly end.

Before I go on, I want to say that my marriage is not dead, far from it, but it could use a little life. 

The little deaths that we endure before we can endure no more. Like the time he slept in for the 853rd time, but you got up with the kids again, and again, and again, even on weekends. The dirty clothes that miss the laundry basket by an inch; the coffee cup that sits on the kitchen counter, not the sink; the toilet paper roll not changed.

The tiny, petty offences committed daily that are cute at first, then annoying, a mild irritant, something you nag about, maybe even make a joke of. A joke that is no longer funny after 7 years of the same shit, and he still does it.

Maybe it’s the weird, hormonal mood swings she goes through, and not even on a predictable monthly cycle. The mood that strikes for no known or good reason, where she shuts down and doesn’t utter more than two words to you all day. When you ask her a question, she doesn’t even look at you, and you wonder if she heard you.

What about the evenings you don’t spend together after the children are in bed? You, off in your study, she, in the living room. Your different bed times offer no intimacy, and now, even the evening television watching togetherness appears to be waning.

Do you remember the last time you talked about something other than the children, schedules or work? Have you recently laughed and joked, and enjoyed each other’s company, remembering the other person as the person you knew before the first few little deaths in your marriage?

Date night. It’s become a myth. Or you bring it up, and the other looks crestfallen because now he or she will be expected to move mountains to make it happen. Hire a babysitter or call upon grandparents. Pump milk so the baby won’t starve. Thinking about it pains you. So it doesn’t happen, or not as often, because it’s too hard.

How about that score card? Oh, you know you have one. Who did what and when. Who did more of this or not enough of that. The one you bring up and throw into each other’s faces, even if you don’t really mean it.

You may not even fight anymore. It takes too much energy, and all that shouting might wake the kids. So you retreat into passive-aggressiveness, or into your cave. Silence over fighting words, because you don’t even care enough to speak your mind, get it out, air the grievances. You may take it out on some furniture, and shit, you break something. Who’s going to fix it now? Goddamnit.

Ships in the night. No hand holding or touching of any kind. You don’t care what they look like, or you care too much because when the heck did they lose standards of hygiene? And that once svelte waist?

You don’t talk anymore because you have nothing to talk about. Or when you do, all that comes out are complaints, nags, fighty words, sarcasm and bitterness. All that falls out of your mouth, is toxic. So you shut up. You turn to you computer and talk to other people instead. People who can offer you a virtual shoulder to cry on, virtual ears to listen, and virtual arms to hug you.

When the real shoulder, ears and arms are just within reach, but feel oceans apart. Tiny little death.

When the kindness you show to strangers and friends, is not shown to your partner. Another tiny little death.

When you forget to share the photos and moments you post on Facebook and Instagram with your husband/ wife. Yet another tiny little death.

A thousand little deaths. That’s what kills a marriage.

___________________________________

My husband and I have known each other for over 10 years, married seven years, and have been parents for five of those years.

There have been a few little deaths in our union. Some of it his fault, some are definitely mine. Love is not the problem. Love is NEVER the problem. On the surface, we are good. We ARE good. There is no talk of going our separate ways, but there is no talk of coming together like we used to.

I have stopped making the effort in some ways. The children consume much of me mentally, emotionally, physically. My poor husband is on the receiving end for a depleted creature, with no idea that I am spent. He tries, I don’t. I let the thousand little things get to me, and I have flares of anger at him, at myself.

I am letting these tiny fissures develop into cracks.

I need to turn back to kindness, empathy, and conscious presence to make our marriage better.

And it will start with the little things that bring life into it.

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This post was syndicated with permission to BonBon Break Media, LLC.

The post When a Marriage Dies a Thousand Deaths first appeared on BonBon Break.

In my last post about having a difficult day with my son, I added a PS at the end of the post, stating that I do not suffer from depression or any other form of mental illness. Some readers commented that they felt sad that I had to add that, as surely, even mothers who don’t suffer from depression can have a horrifically bad day, I did not need a disclaimer.

They are right and I agree, of course. I am one of millions of mothers who occasionally go through a difficult time with the kids. We are allowed to have bad days. We are allowed to lose our shit. We are allowed to crumple into a fetal position on the floor and ask for the day to be over already. We are only human. We do not have to apologize for speaking up.

But this is how it is when you put yourself out there in the blogging world…

…and join the powerful conversation happening on Alison’s site

CONTINUE READING IN THE BEDROOM

The post Writing The Hard Stuff first appeared on BonBon Break.

You plan the perfect pitch in your head. You run it by a few trusted people. You write and rewrite your pitch. You sit on it for a few days to make sure that it feels right. You send your pitch and you wait.

And wait.

You hear nothing back after a week, so you do the right thing and send a polite follow up email.

And you get this – “Thank you for your submission, but it’s not the right fit for us.”

Period. The end. No other explanation. You look at the rest of their site and think that what you were offering was absolutely the perfect fit. You doubt yourself. You suffer a blow to your confidence. Again. You shout, “Can’t I catch a freaking break??”

You will want to curl up in a fetal position and eat copious amounts of chocolate (or whatever ‘bad’ food makes you feel better). Don’t. There are better ways to handle rejection.

CONTINUE READING IN THE BEDROOM

The post How To Handle Rejection (Or How Not To Curl Up In A Fetal Position And Eat Copious Amounts Of Chocolate) first appeared on BonBon Break.

These 10 are my truths, in three years of imperfect parenting.

I have no doubt there will be many more coming my way (like, you will get eye-rolled)!

CONTINUE READING IN THE BEDROOM

The post 10 Truths I Learned in 3 Years of Imperfect Parenting first appeared on BonBon Break.

Way back when I was a carefree 20-something, I would spout things like, “I’ll never have kids. Can you imagine, me, a mother?” and I would laugh, casually, my friends agreeing with me, heads nodding, probably aghast that I would even think of being a parent.

Closer to my 30’s, in a relationship that I knew would be forever, I finally admitted that deep down, I wanted to be someone’s mom.

She would be my Mini Me. She would be girly, swirly, cheeky, and she would still climb trees, play in the sandbox, rough and tumble, love wearing jeans, and sneak reading books in her bed, way past her bedtime, just like her Mama.

I am a mother now. A mother of two boys.

I will never have a girly, swirly Mini Me.

I have no regrets of course. When we found out that the second was also a boy, the idea of being a boy mom absolutely sat right with me. It felt right. It feels right.

Yes, I will never buy tutus or giant rainbow head bows. I will never have to think about whether my daughter’s skirt is too short, or when it’s appropriate for her to wear makeup. I will never worry about some boy breaking my girl’s heart. I will not have to do the period talk, or show someone how a tampon works.

Instead, I will buy endless versions of tees with robots or dinosaurs on them. I will be perpetually reminding people to please aim properly when going to the bathroom. I will worry about my boys breaking some girls’ hearts. I will be urging my husband to have the birds and bees talk with my sons.

However, what will remain the same whether my children are boys or girls, is the way I will raise them. The ‘girl way’, if you will (well, you know since I am a girl).

We will still talk about our feelings.

We will hold hands when we cross the street.

We will have dates, just me and them.

We will draw together.

We will climb trees, and play in sandboxes.

We will bake cupcakes and brownies together.

We will talk about the difficult things, the hard things, which all of us will encounter at school, in life.

We will botch craft projects together.

We will go to the beach and build sandcastles together.

We will laugh together.

We will cry together.

We will hug a lot, say I love you all the time.

We will go digging for worms together.

We will look for a pet dog (or dogs) together.

We will walk the dog (or dogs) together.

We will tell people we love, that we love them, whenever we can.

We will be kind to all.

We will be gentle to all creatures.

We will learn table manners, elbows off, don’t slurp.

We will cuddle up together in the mornings, on weekends when no one has to be somewhere.

We will do pizza and movie nights together.

We will talk about world politics, women’s rights, human rights, together.

We will read together, a lot. We will share our opinions on books.

We will have conversations about religion, we may even disagree about religion, but we will do it together.

So you see, it does not matter. Boys or girls. They are physiologically, emotionally and socially different, but we don’t need to treat them differently. Sons or daughters, boys or girls – the fundamental lessons of kindness, generosity, humanity – they are the same.

So I will raise my boys, the girl way. The only way I know how. My boys will be cheeky, climb trees, play in the sandbox, rough and tumble, love wearing jeans, and sneak reading books in their beds, way past their bedtime, just like their Mama. Their girly, swirly Mama.

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This post was written by Alison Lee exclusively for Bonbon Break Media, LLC.

The post Raising Boys, The Girl Way first appeared on BonBon Break.