Stop the Nonsense, and Get Your Life!

C. Imani Williams

Fill Your Bucket


Our-Pact-super-sponsorAs women, we’re savvy, smart, creative, and sexy. We’re moms, wives, daughters, friends, employees, bosses and entrepreneurs. We are awesome, and we get it all done. We pull on our big girl panties and try and make it all look effortless.   Too often, however, we go right into the next items on the never ending to-do list, without taking time to recharge. This is our biggest mistake.

How do we overlook something as instrumental as self-care? Why do we do it? Crazy expectations? Feeling as if we must keep up with the Jones’? To prove our worth to someone we think matters?

Be reminded, that unless we take care of ourselves by honoring our mind, body and spirit temple, we aren’t replenishing and restoring all that we give away. Love and service to others are admirable; losing yourself in the process, not so much. When we’re in the midst of confusion time moves more slowly. It captures our motions on mental film for us to play back in our heads, over and over.

When in limbo, not everyone receives a “ride or die” crew to lend emotional support. I am thankful to have sister-friends who get me and have elected to encourage and support, while I found my way back after losing my mother. Not everyone stayed; my grief process was considerable. My mother was gone.

I understand that I had not been “myself” for some time. The friends that stayed I treasure even more. I still have love for those that fell off. Maybe we’ll connect again at some point.

In Her Own Words Chip

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All things come to pass. We don’t have control over the time or order of things, but we can keep the faith. It is okay to deal with emotions and situations that overtax. Four years almost to the day she left this planet, my light flickered back on. The breakthrough: writing an essay honoring her legacy. I exhaled, and the last bit of “I can’t” left my spirit.

It was proceeded by a rumbling in my belly and an upchuck of my lunch. Next came the tears. Finally. I hadn’t cried in almost a year. My body and spirit needed both purges. There is something profoundly sad about not being able to release. As warm tears flowed down my face, I gave thanks to the Creator for bringing me through the storm.

With the light, came promises to myself. I will take better care of myself. For one, I’m worth it. I reconvened an earlier practice of taking a monthly Imani Appreciation Day. I do something I enjoy. It may be a stroll through an arts festival, dancing to Soulfully Deep House music, a walk on the beach, or hitting a poetry spot. I plan something relaxing that forces me outside. It is far too easy for me to curl up with a book and tune the world out. The point of an Appreciation Day is to, “do you.” No excuses.

Recharging means learning to tell people “no” and being okay with it. It also means that instead of putting all of our energy into others, we keep some for ourselves. Guilt over not being everything for everyone, all the time, is stressful in itself. It isn’t realistic. I’d rather you be mad at me as opposed to me being mad at myself.

I’m much harder on myself.

Look Sis, I’m speaking to you from the heart. Your spirit and light give loving energy. Honor that. Recharge freely and often. It’s paramount to your staying mystique and power. Don’t make me show up in your city with a Meet-Up intervention! Get your life!




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This post was written by C. Imani Williams exclusively for BonBon Break Media, LLC.

C. Imani Williams, is a freelance writer and human justice activist. She holds an MFA in Creative Non-Fiction writing from Antioch University, Los Angeles, and a Masters in Guidance and Counseling from Eastern Michigan University. Her work has been published in Pride Source - Between the Lines, Tucson Weekly, Harlem Times, The Michigan Citizen Newspaper, and with various popular culture, health, news blogs and magazines. She is mother to two beautiful young women. Their children know her as, Ya-Ya (Grandmother). She enjoys guiding, loving, and reliving the joy of childhood, through the eyes of her grands.