BonBon Break’s Val Curtis interviews Alice Seuffert from Dining with Alice, a parenting and food blogger from Minnesota. She writes about creative comfort food recipes and her experience as a mom and wife as well as her fun adventures in Minnesota.

Check out:

• The BIGGEST key to a successful Thanksgiving celebration
• The biggest pitfalls to grocery shopping on line
• Where to go for assistance..and where you should not
• How to make your guests feel welcome
• How to not get lost in all the preparation
• To serve or not to serve canned cranberry? That is the question.

Listen to BonBon Break LIVE! with Alice Seuffert on STITCHER or iTunes or simply click here:

A little about Alice: Alice Seuffert is a parenting and food blogger from Minnesota. She writes about creative comfort food recipes and her experience as a mom and wife as well as her fun adventures in Minnesota.

Dining with Alice: Alice appears monthly on the television show, Twin Cities Live as their Kitchen Star and is the Family Food Expert on the television show The Happi House. Alice has also been on the Rachael Ray Show, Good Morning America, Nightline, World News Tonight, Kare 11, Fox 9, Twin Cities Public Television and has been featured in the Star Tribune. Visit us and join at Dining With Alice

Recent BonBon Break Articles from Alice:

It’s A Race But It’s Not A Race, Why I Don’t Give 100% to Anything and Strawberry Gin & Tonic

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Check out more from BonBon Break LIVE

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An “A” stands for excellence, not just doing the work. You don’t “get” a grade, you earn it and to earn it, you need to be really good at whatever you are doing. We have over-inflated the system.

When I was a teacher, I would create rubrics for our projects that told the students how to earn a “B” and my students had to figure out how to take it to the next level to earn an “A.” That meant they needed a strong understanding of the project and its goals to push to the next level.  I would have parents at my classroom door and in my inbox, furious with me because their student worked so hard on a project and received a “B.” I would always respond, “They did a really fantastic job and worked really hard for that ‘B.’ You should be proud.” Grades are not gifts.

When I was an undergrad, one of the grades I was the proudest of was a “B” in Cell Biology. Why? It was because I knew most students had to work their tails off for a “C.” There was no shame in a “B,” it was an achievement that required nightly study groups for hours and lots of organization and asking questions when I didn’t completely understand a concept.

When grades were posted with our names next to them, it made me want to work harder in order to do better. Oftentimes, I was in the middle of the curve and I wanted more. Did it make me sad at times? You betcha, but that is OK.

When my team lost, it meant that I had to work harder and practice more to sharpen my skills and be ready.

When we become so concerned with the end product, we lose the effort and talent that it takes to get there. Everyone just wants the reward without the journey and failure that produces it.

Failure is OK. Why? Because it pushes us to do better and learning how to lose teaches us how to cope with failure. When you learn how to cope with failure, you learn how to be confident in your power to change your personal circumstance. Not your mom. Not your dad. Not your teacher. Not your coach. You.

Have you ever felt humiliated? It happens and it isn’t fun, but it happens and we find our way out of it through personal growth and by our family and friends assuring us that we are better than that situation. We fail and those around us help bring our spirits up and then we get back in the game.

Listen to Val Curtis read her post Why Your Kid Doesn’t Deserve an “A” on STITCHER or iTunesor simply click here:

These are examples I have heard in the last week:

• Baseball teams asking umps to yell “1-2-3 Good job!” instead of “You’re Out!”
• On the east coast, a football league decided that a team couldn’t score more than 3 TD’s more than the other team. If #4 was about to be scored, the player had to stop at the 1-yard line and the next play was a kickoff.
• Every team receiving trophies at the end of the season.
• Parents calling professors to argue about grades.
• HR departments doubling and tripling in size because employees can’t take criticism from their bosses.

Recently, I was criticized for always beating my kids at games. I wasn’t letting them win. Guess what? Your kids KNOW when you are letting them win and it doesn’t feel as good as when they KNOW they really beat you. Also, we can model what it looks like to win and be humble.

My husband and I are trying to teach our kids to give everything their best effort. Sometimes that results in a win or an “A,” but when it doesn’t, we assure them that this is the experience that we WANT them to have.

You lost that game? Good. What did you learn about yourself? What did you learn about your team? What did you see the other team do that made them more successful? What can you work on? Endurance? Skills? Communication?

You missed 5 problems on your math test? Let’s look at what happened there. You didn’t understand the concept? You went too fast and made silly mistakes? You need more practice?

We live in a world that is more competitive than ever and we are giving every child a gold star and a trophy because each special, little snowflake is a winner just for showing up. What is the end result? Mediocrity and a generation without drive. We are parenting on a stage, sharing every little achievement on social media and in the process, we are removing all of life’s wrinkles for our kids by micro-managing their experiences into candy-coated wins at every turn. And remember, this isn’t OUR competition, it is our kids’ opportunity to learn.

Parents are removing naturally occurring failure.  It is OK not to be AWESOME at everything. Stop forcing your kids to do things that they aren’t passionate about and take the time to figure out where their passions lie. Respect, admiration and appreciation for others is an important part of being a community member. Everyone has a different gift to offer and acknowledging our own strengths and weaknesses helps us appreciate what those around us bring to the table.

Let’s empower our children to experience failures and to learn from them. They CAN be anything they want to be when they grow up, but they need to understand that it will take work, talent, practice, effort and sometimes failure and disappointment. If they want that “A,” they will need to work for it.

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READ MORE FROM VAL:

• Why I Refuse to Check Grades Online
• Why Are Conferences so Cliquey?
• Why I Stopped Saying “No” to Screen Time

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This post was written by Val Curtis exclusively for BonBon Break Media, LLC. No part may be copied without expressed permission.

The post Why Your Kid Doesn’t Deserve an “A” first appeared on BonBon Break.

My Precious Children,

Tonight, I succumbed to peer pressure (exactly what I caution you NEVER to do) and went with a bunch of girlfriends to see Fifty Shades of Grey. I ignored the little voice in my head that implored me to just say “no!” because, after all, it’s just a silly movie, right? Well, I wish I had done as I always tell you to do and given that voice credit because it was right. The thing is, I’m also kind of glad I didn’t because now I have these words for you.

One day, in the not very distant future, I’m going to blink and gasp as I realise you’re suddenly old enough to see movies like Fifty Shades of Grey, yourselves. Of course, you or your friends may even decide that curiosity wins and risk sneaking a peek even earlier than that. Either way, I have to accept the hard fact that your innocent eyes and your uncorrupted minds are going to see this drivel sooner or later.

I am writing this so that when that day comes, you’ll recognise Fifty Shades of Grey for what it is, rather than what it pretends to be.

Let me begin by telling you what Fifty Shades of Grey is not.

It is not a love story.

It does a pretty convincing job of masquerading as one, for sure, but please believe me when I say that love doesn’t even have a cameo role in this plot.

It is also not a romantic fairy tale with a harmless bit of naughtiness sprinkled on top.

Romance is glaringly absent, in fact. As for harmless S&M, please understand that this screenplay’s message is the polar opposite of harmless. In this ‘harmless’ piece of fluff movie, a rich, handsome, experienced man uses his power to seduce and manipulate a young, innocent student into doing a lot of things she is extremely uncomfortable doing.

Listen to Michelle read this on STITCHER – LIBSYN – iTunes

They are not equals. They are not partners. There is, in fact, no ‘they’ to speak of at all.

In 50 Shades of Grey, they are not equals. They are not partners. There is, in fact, no ‘they’ to speak of at all.
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Rather, it’s a movie about a narcissistic man’s controlling and violent sexual desires and his sense of entitlement to use and abuse a vulnerable young woman’s body and mind as tools for his own gratification. It’s all about his needs, coupled with the arrogant expectation that she should comply, regardless of her discomfort, to please him.

I sat in the theatre and looked around me at hundreds of women, buying into this so-called ‘sexy love story’ and I felt sick. If an entire theatre of women three times your age couldn’t see how damaging this plot line is, how on earth are teenage girls and boys supposed to?

Please, my daughters, don’t allow this romanticizing of sexual domestic abuse fool you into believing that you should ever allow yourself to be treated like Anastasia Steele. Please, my son, don’t watch this one day and believe that it’s ever okay to intimidate, manipulate or disrespect a woman like the ‘hero,’ Christian Grey. Nobody, male or female, wants or deserves to be disrespected, manipulated or violated against his or her wishes.

I hope, when the day comes that you’re grown up enough to be in a relationship, that you’ll understand that what goes on behind bedroom doors should always be pleasurable for both of you, regardless of your tastes. I hope you’ll understand that consent given under duress isn’t consent at all. I hope you’ll demand respect and that you’ll give respect in return.

Tonight, I walked out of the cinema feeling terrified and a little sad for your generation. If this is the movie that you base your ideals of love and romance on, then I need to make some things very clear and I hope you’re listening.

If someone wants to be with you, turning up at your part-time job unannounced when you haven’t ever even discussed that you have one and acting possessive when a co-worker talks to you is not romantic. It’s creepy.

If you say you’re a virgin and he responds by violently deflowering you, that’s not love. That’s assault.

If he tracks your whereabouts when you’re out clubbing and takes you to his hotel when you’re too drunk to make a rational decision, then undresses you and puts you in his bed for the night, that’s not protective. It’s stalking. In fact, stalking is the least of what it is.

If he turns up inside your apartment uninvited, it’s not romantic. It’s breaking and entering.

If you tell him you’re not interested and you ask him to leave and he responds by tying you to your bed and having violent sex with you after you repeatedly say “no,” all the while threatening to do worse if you make a noise, it’s not passion. It’s rape.

If he sells your car and buys you a new one without your permission “to surprise you,” it’s not romantic. It’s theft and manipulation.

If he monitors your phone calls and threatens you with physical harm because another man calls you, he’s not in love with you. He’s abusing and controlling you.

If beating you with a leather strap until you cry is what gives him pleasure and he asks you to do it despite your distress because it turns him on and then plays the victim to explain it all away, there is no soundtrack in the world that should quiet the voice in your head that yells out that love and romance were never in the picture and they never will be.

My children, this film was deeply disturbing to me, and I have life experience on my side. I shudder to think that you are going to grow up with stories like this to model relationships on and that you or the people you date will mistake this for ‘normal.’

Please, my precious children, know this: Love is gentle. Love never takes. Love does not demand. Love waits for consent. Love doesn’t need helicopter rides and expensive gifts. Love is enough.

When there’s love, the voice in your head doesn’t yell. It simply doesn’t have to.

My children, listen to me on this, if nothing else.

And, if you choose not to listen to me, then listen to the voice in your head.

With abundant love,

Mum

READ MORE FROM MICHELLE:

• You Don’t Have to be Harry Potter to Perform Magic
• The Best Love Letter I’ve Ever Received
• The Day I Became the Dummy Fairy

For those who still need to read the books:
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LATEST ON BONBON BREAK:

• Have I Become a Helicopter Spouse?
• 5 Reasons to Keep a Sharpie in Your Purse
• Fill Your Bucket – NOW

Read more from Michelle on BonBon Break

This post was syndicated with permission to BonBon Break Media, LLC.

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Mags will often strike up a conversation with me about who she is going to marry, where she is going to take the person she marries to live, and how many babies they are going to have. She’s sounds so together…so confident. I want to be Mags when I grow up.

I can remember wondering when I was a little girl who I would marry when I got older. How would he propose? Easy. On one knee, of course. That is how they always did it on TV or when I saw it in a picture in a book. When my now husband and I began dating and then got serious, this vision would come to me now and then. I would picture him on one knee, ring in hand, saying the words, “Will you marry me?” It would be magical. Little did I know just how magical. Chris had a plan…as usual. I was just along for the amazing ride.

Chris and I both were working in schools at the time so we were on similar schedules. He BEGAN his proposal the first day of summer break and it ENDED the last day of summer break. Yep, he proposed over an entire summer. How did he do it? Well, let me tell you.

I got home after a day of closing up my classroom for the summer and found the apartment empty. On our little table, there was a projector and Chris’ laptop. There were instructions for me to follow to turn on the laptop and start the projector. Being a techie kinda guy, he made a video explaining how the summer was going to go.

Listen to Mel Bugaj read this on STITCHER – LIBSYN – iTunes

When I got the video started, he revealed how he had created a large cardboard puzzle the size of a poster board. On one side, each puzzle piece had a word on it that had to do with marriage and on the other side it had part of a message. He asked me to think hard about the word that was on every piece. He wanted me to ask myself if this “word” was something I could do with him the rest of my life. He apparently had already gone through the process, hence the asking.

I was then instructed in the video to go meet him at one of our favorite restaurants at the time. I ran in the bathroom, washed my tear stained face, quickly re-applied my make-up, and jumped in my car. I don’t even remember driving the distance to the restaurant. There he gave me the first piece of the puzzle: Friendship.

The days rolled on and we had so many fun adventures. Some were planned, some were surprises, and some were off the cuff (my favorite kind). I collected 12 pieces in total. Here are the words that I found on them and how he presented them to me:

Fun: I got this one after we spent a day with dear friends at Kings Dominion.
Family: Our parents came to visit and we took them out to dinner. The owner of the restaurant placed the puzzle piece under my plate.
Forever: We went and got tattooed together…not our names on each other or anything like that.
Support: I was teaching summer school and taking classes at night. He came to school and surprised me with lunch.
Home: He made dinner, printed out a menu and set up a little eatery out on our concrete back porch.
Sharing: We went to a Reggae wine festival with friends and shared some really tasty wine.
New: We went and explored a historical little town about an hour away that we had never visited before.
Adventure: We went tubing down the Shenandoah River.
Laughter: He took me to an improv comedy club in Washington D.C.
Intimacy: *blush*  We had got a new mattress and he put it in the plastic wrapping.

The final piece was given to me on the last day of summer vacation after I had spent the entire day setting up my classroom at school. I got home and found another video set up. He gave me clues of where I should meet him. After figuring out his clever little signs, I hightailed it to the building where we first met, The Staff Training Center, as it was callled. He was there, in the outfit I met him in. As soon as I walked in, he handed me the last piece: LOVE. This one was the easiest of them all.

He brought me over to a table where all the pieces were laid out. He told me to put them together so that I could read the message. Once I got all the pieces in place, it read, “WILL YOU MARRY ME?”. When I turned to him he was on one knee, diamond in hand, just like I had imagined. In one fell swoop he made all my dreams come true. I can honestly say it was one of the best summers of my life.

So, to answer your question. Yes, Mags. 

This post was syndicated with permission to BonBon Break Media, LLC.

The post The Man My Daughter Should Marry first appeared on BonBon Break.

We have been slowing things down over here to enjoy some time outside with our families and friends, but we HAVE to take a moment to introduce you to a super special guy who is joining a group of super special dads with Dads 4 Kesem.

About Whit

Whit Honea is the author of The Parents’ Phrase Book and co-founder of Dads 4 Change. He is the Social Media Director and Community Manager of Dad 2.0 Summit as well as a Senior Account ExecutivCreate Linke at the conference’s parent company XY Media Group. Deemed “ the activist dad” by UpWorthy (and one of the “ funniest dads on Twitter” by Mashable), he is a regular contributor to The Modern Dads Podcast (City Dads Group) and several other publications. He lives in Los Angeles with his wife, their two sons, and too many pets.

About Dads 4 Kesem

This July, he is joining ten men—all influential dad writers and bloggers— who will cross the Atlantic Ocean and embark on an 84-mile journey, walking the entire distance of Hadrian’s Wall in northern England to support Camp Kesem and the opening of a new branch at the University of Maryland to honor our late friend Oren Miller.

In this podcast:

• Learn more about Camp Kesem and how you can support Dads4Kesem.
• Discover the story behind Dads4Change.
• Learn about Dad 2.0 Summit.
• Learn about The Parents Phrase Book.
• What is Whit’s favorite thing to do with his kids during the summer?

Listen to Whit Honea discuss ”Dads 4 Kesem” on iTunes, Google Play Music, STITCHER or click to listen right here:

The post BBL: Whit Honea and Dads 4 Kesem first appeared on BonBon Break.

Tina is responsible for building and fostering relationships which support water safety education and drowning prevention at the national level; these strategic partnerships provide resources, materials, and funding which aid the USA Swimming Foundation in providing the opportunity for every child in America to learn to swim.

About the USA Swimming Foundation

The USA Swimming Foundation serves as the philanthropic arm of USA Swimming.  Established in 2004, the Foundation works to strengthen the sport by saving lives and building champions— in the pool and in life. Whether we’re equipping our children with the life-saving skill of learn-to-swim through our Make a Splash initiative, or providing financial support to our heroes on the U.S. National Team, the USA Swimming Foundation aims to provide the wonderful experience of swimming to kids at all levels across the country. To learn more, visit www.usaswimmingfoundation.org.

About the USA Swimming Foundation’s Make a Splash initiative

The USA Swimming Foundation’s Make a Splash initiative is a national child-focused water safety campaign, which aims to provide the opportunity for every child in America to learn to swim. Through Make a Splash, the USA Swimming Foundation partners with learn-to-swim providers and water safety advocates across the country to provide swimming lessons and educate children and their families on the importance of learning how to swim. The USA Swimming Foundation has invested millions of dollars to provide grants to qualified Local Partner learn-to-swim programs, to spread national awareness, and to bring together strategic partners to end drowning.  To date, more than 3.9 million children have received the lifesaving gift of swim lessons through the USA Swimming Foundation Make a Splash Local Partner network, comprised of more than 750 qualified lesson providers across the nation. To learn more, visit www.usaswimmingfoundation.org/makeasplash.

CHECK THIS OUT:

The Flipboard for their 2016 USA Swimming Foundation Make a Splash Tour presented by Phillips 66

IN THIS PODCAST

Tina and Val will be discussing:

• The USA Swimming Foundation and Make a Splash
• Why the Make a Splash initiative is so important for children
• When parents should put their kids in swimming lessons
• Some tips to keep your kids safe in and around water
• How Ludacris was involved with Make a Splash and even giving swimming lessons
• The USA Swimming Ambassadors and how are they making an impact
•  “Finding Dory” – WARNING: Val geeks out a bit here.
• The USA Swimming Foundation and the Summer Olympics

Listen to Tina Dessart discuss ”Make a Splash” on iTunes, Google Play Music, STITCHER or click to listen right here:

Don’t forget to head over to see our Water Safety series and please visit our podcast sponsors, Home Pool Essentials – A course that teaches home pool owners the basics of pool and hot tub maintenance along with strategies for creating a safer environment.

The post BONBON BREAK LIVE: Make a Splash with Tina Dessart first appeared on BonBon Break.

This month we are focusing our content and podcasts on Water Safety. We have partnered up with Kim Shults, the founder of “Face in Water” and we are chatting about popular misconceptions with Water Safety. As an Aquatic Specialist, Kim offers a unique perspective and some REALLY helpful tips about where you can start to keep your kids safe and reflecting on our relationship with water.

We would also like to throw a little love to our podcast series sponsor, Home Pool Essentials. Home Pool Essentials was jointly developed by the American Red Cross and the National Swimming Pool Foundation. This course teaches home pool owners the basics of pool and hot tub maintenance along with strategies for creating a safer environment. Take a peek here.

Questions answered about Water Safety:

• What is an aquatic specialist?
•  What do you mean when you ask about our relationship with water? 
•  What makes water safety education challenging?
•  What is the most important piece of water safety?
• What are parents doing wrong?
• How did Kim start working with water safety out of the water?
• What is the goal behind Water Safety Month?

ABOUT KIM: Kim Shults lives in San Diego, California where she has been providing customized swim lessons for all ages and abilities since 1991. She is an innovator in swimming instruction for people with autism and those overcoming water phobias. Her successful record of aquatic breakthroughs inspired her to found Face in Water, a non-profit organization that helps individuals develop lifesaving water skills. She has a California Teaching Credential in English and is now focusing on bringing aquatic health education to the classroom through her children’s book, “Life with Lou” (click link to see!).
Follow Kim on FACEBOOK.

Listen to Kim Shults discuss ”Face in Water” on STITCHER or click to listen right here.

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Alison Lee, BonBon Break’s Syndicated Content Editor, joined up with Megan Woolsey, to create a brilliant book for parents of multiples, Multiples Illuminated. When Alison sent me the copy to preview, I couldn’t put it down. It is so beautifully written and edited. I found myself tearing up, laughing and nodding along as I read through chapter by chapter — and I don’t even have twins or triplets (or more!).

Megan and I joined up for a podcast to discuss the new book, the journey it took to get it going and their plans for the future. Join us as we chat about the ins and outs of parenthood and the must-have book for parents of multiples:

Listen to Megan Woolsey discuss ”Multiples Illuminated” on iTunes or Google Play Music or STITCHER

FEATURED IN THIS PODCAST:

• How the idea for Multiples Illuminated came about
• How their partnership formed
• How this book helps parents and families of multiples
• Other resources Megan and Alison have created for parents of multiples
• What the early years with triplets were like
• A typical day for Megan as a mom of four, including 8-year-old triplets
• Advice for parents who are in the first year with multiples
• What’s next for Multiples Illuminated

BUY THE BOOK!

• Amazon (paperback and Kindle)
  
• Barnes & Noble (Nook)
  
• iBooks
  
• Kobo

We would also greatly appreciate it if you can  post an Amazon and/ or Goodreads review when you’re ready.

FOLLOW MULTIPLES ILLUMINATED

The site: www.multiplesilluminated.com

Facebook: http://facebook.com/multiplesilluminated

Twitter: http://twitter.com/multiplesillum

ABOUT MEGAN:  Megan Woolsey is a writer, editor and publisher living in Northern California with a very supportive husband and a wild bunch of red-headed children – a set of triplets and their big sister. Megan has been published in Huffington Post, Scary Mommy, BLUNTmoms, Bonbon Break, Mamalode, In The Powder Room, and is an essayist in two anthologies. She is launching her first book In May called Multiples Illuminated: A Collection of Stories and Advice From Parents of Twins, Triplets and More. 

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My oldest, who just started kindergarten, has never talked much about what he wants to be when he grows up. When he was four and went through his obligatory dinosaur kick, he was thrilled to learn that some people dig up dinosaur bones for a living, and he decided that would be a good choice. But his dinosaur phase passed, and a new profession did not take its place.

In one of our last days together before kindergarten started, he was sitting in the sandbox digging while I idly sifted sand through my fingers. I thought of his four-year-old archaeology dreams and those beaming children, memorializing their hopes for the future, and asked, “Do you still want to be a bone digger when you grow up?”

“No,” he replied casually, continuing to dig.

I have no aspirations for what my son will be. When I was his age, I wanted to be an artist, which is funny when you see my artistic ability. And then a ballerina, which is even funnier when you see my dancing ability (which, for everyone’s sake, I hope you never will). At his age, what you want to be is more about what you love to do – to draw, to move. I wondered what he loved so much that he could imagine doing it for the rest of his life.

Listen to Ali Wilkinson read her post Mama, I Just Want to Be a Person

on iTunes, Google Play Music, STITCHER  or simply click here:

“Do you know what you do want to do?”

He paused, then looked at me. “Sometimes,” he said, “maybe some people just want to be a person when they grow up.”

His answer, and the way he phrased it – almost apologetically, like it wasn’t what he necessarily wanted, but what some hypothetical person might want – gave me pause. And I’ll admit, my initial instinct was completely boring and adult. Being a person ain’t gonna pay the rent, son. But the more I thought about it, the more I loved his answer.

I recently went through a career shift, back-burnering my legal degree. It was a hard decision, in part because I felt so wrapped up in my lawyer identity. I spent 20 years in school. I went through the trials of big city law firm life. I found my way out to the other side working for a legal nonprofit. After a lifetime spent working toward where I was, it was hard to figure out who I would now be.

But my son’s aspiration – to be a person – made me realize that I am more than a job. I am a lawyer, yes. I am also a writer. I am a mother, a wife, a daughter, a sister, an aunt, a friend. I am a knitter, a runner. I am a lover of words and chocolate, of Care Bears and cats. I am a whole person, not defined solely by what I do, but also by who I am.

My son is an artist, an architect, an athlete, a comedian. He is a friend, a brother, a nephew, a grandson. He is a lover of music and mashed potatoes, of new shoes and muddy puddles. As he grows, his interests will change, his focuses will shift.

My hope, though, is that he stays true to his five-year-old aspiration. That he will find what and who he loves, that he will be kind to himself and to others. That he will be, in his words, a person.

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This post was written by Ali Wilkinson exclusively for BonBon Break Media, LLC.

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Photo Credit: Upset Young Boy at BigStock Photo

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For the most part, Grace is excelling in Patience 101. She’s learned to entertain herself with coloring books, dress-up clothes, and the occasional Disney Junior movie while I rock Anna to sleep in the nursery. Big sisterhood has also taught Grace the meaning of concepts like “Please save some of those Cheerios for Anna,” and “Now it’s your sister’s turn.”

There are times, though, when Grace’s four-year-old patience wears thin. These times, she’ll tap-tap-tap on the nursery door, whispering for me to come out and play with her instead of rocking Anna. Or she’ll wrap herself around my legs as I’m helping Anna learn to walk.

“Give me a minute, OK?” I find myself saying to Grace in these moments.

One day, my daughter surprised me with my own familiar refrain. “Mom,” she said, touching my hand and looking up at me, “Can you give me a minute?”

Give a minute.

Listen to Melissa Leddy read her post Can You Give Me a Minute?

on iTunes, Google Play Music, STITCHER  or simply click here:

I squeezed her hand and told her of course.

Grace said she had just built a house out of Jenga blocks. She wanted to show me her handiwork. So I went to see. 

How often do we wish for something more? A bigger kitchen, a weekend getaway, just one minute to sip our coffee while it’s still hot? As moms especially, all we want is one simple minute.

Do we have anything more to give? After all the time and effort and love and money and heartache that goes into raising our children—the meals prepared, the loads upon loads of laundry, everything—do we have anything left to give?

My daughter taught me that the answer is “Yes.” Yes. Yes, we can give a minute.

It takes just one minute to look at a handmade house of Jenga blocks and say, “Wow, great job!” And in that minute, to see your child’s face light up.

It takes just one minute as you’re waiting for your groceries to be rung up, or your to-go lunch order to be processed, to ask the person serving you, “How are you doing today?” To take a moment to acknowledge that person and treat him or her as a fellow human being instead of fixating on your phone.

It takes just one minute to choose love over hate, to include instead of exclude, to hold a hand out to someone who could use a lift up.

Can you give a minute, just one more minute today, to make someone’s world a little better?

From now on, I’m going to try.

What about you?

READ THIS NEXT:

• The Easiest (and Most Powerful) Way to Give This Holiday Season
• 5 Ways to Give Back to Yourself
• 7 Ways to Get Better at Getting
• Smart Mouths and Big Hearts

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But I’m here to report, given the chance, teenagers can have the biggest hearts and bring you to tears with their selflessness. Don’t believe the bad hype. I’ve seen their goodness with my own two eyes.

As a high school teacher, I led our school’s National Honor Society, a group of students with the best goal: they were charged with being excellent scholars AND community servants. Some schools don’t take the service aspect of NHS seriously, but we did.

Each November, we held a community-wide yard sale whose purpose was to raise money for our school’s Benevolence Fund. When students needed help, this fund made sure they had clothes, food, glasses, a safe place to stay, whatever our students needed. At the yard sale, we never put prices on anything. People shopped, and we asked them to donate whatever they deemed appropriate. Our customers were unbelievably generous, especially when they found out why we were raising money. My students hauled things to customers’ cars, gave them hot chocolate, and created a kids’ corner where they babysat children whose parents were shopping.

As word got out, teachers from other schools called with stories of people who had fallen on hard times, asking if the families could shop for free. I asked if the NHS students felt comfortable with that, and every single one of them voted to help these families.

One year, a family came to shop for free as we had previously arranged, but something told me we needed to do more. A young woman named Holly (not her real name) showed up with five children, from age 14 down to a baby. I watched how carefully Holly chose a small number of necessities: people’s used towels and pillows, a set of sheets, some mismatched dishes, a small stuffed animal for the baby.

I pulled Holly aside and introduced myself. She told me their story, and it was hard to hear. I had never had a conversation like this, had never offered help to someone face-to-face, but before I could think too much, out came this: The NHS kids and I want to help. Christmas is only a few weeks away. Can we give your family a Christmas?

Holly burst into quiet sobs. I held her hand and tasked her with finding out what her children wanted for Christmas. The National Honor Society was going to play Santa Claus.

Holly called with her list the next week. Humble again, she asked only for necessities and gave me sizes for each child, listing two or three small toys for the little kids. She was trying not to ask for too much.

What are their big wishes? If money were no object, what would they ask for? The words were out again before I knew what I was saying. But Christmas is magic, and Christmas…is giving.

Holly called the next day with the Money-Is-No-Object List, and we set to work. The NHS students decided that teams were the best. We had teams for Holly and her husband and each of the five children. I’ve never seen high school students so excited to give.

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My classroom became the center for this family’s Christmas and for four weeks, my NHS kids poured in with gifts they had carefully shopped for and purchased themselves. Most used their money from after-school jobs to buy these items, and I got the front row seat to see their shining faces come in with unwrapped gifts and watch as the pile grew and grew.

And it was time to ask for the big, expensive gifts. An iPod, a weight bench, an electric guitar, a bicycle, a trampoline.

At our late November meeting, I stood in front of these students to ask if this was possible. I assured them that Holly’s family was already getting an amazing Christmas because of the 100 young men and women in that room. We didn’t have to do anything else. And then…magic happened.

I have a weight bench in my garage that we never use.

Mrs. Tinsley, my parents bought me a new iPod. I’d be happy to give my old one to that kid.

My niece has outgrown her bicycle, and it’s in great shape. I’ll ask her parents if we can give it to Holly’s daughter.

I’ll be honest, Mrs. T. My parents bought me an electric guitar two years ago, and I’ve played it maybe twice. I’m happy to give it to Ms. Holly’s son.

We don’t use our trampoline anymore, Mrs. Tinsley. They can have it!

I burst into ugly tears, and the whole 101 of us gathered together for a group hug. I wasn’t the only one crying.

Later, we found out that the trampoline wasn’t in great shape. I asked our faculty if anyone had a trampoline they could donate, and my school’s generous coaches pooled together and bought Holly’s family a brand new trampoline.

On delivery day, Holly’s husband took their children out for ice cream, and a team of eight of Santa’s elves charged into their tiny house with the biggest, most beautiful Christmas they had ever seen. Holly’s face shone with tears, gratitude, and shock that we’d pulled it all off. We were shocked ourselves. We hugged her, wished her the merriest of Christmases, and were out of there quick as a wink, just like Santa.

Those 100 young men and women were teenagers, high school students, and some of them probably had to scrape money together to buy a stranger a gift. Sometimes the world rolls its collective eyes at teenagers, and sometimes they deserve it. However, when given the chance, teenagers can be the best givers in the world. Just ask me. I’ve seen it with my own two eyes.

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When we’d finished laughing and commiserating, a woman with us for the first time spoke. “When your kids are little, people are always willing to share what’s not going right,” she said. “But now that I have a teen, everyone always acts like everything is perfect. This conversation just made me feel so, so much better. Thank you.”

And I was reminded again how much the Giving Circle we started to benefit others ends up lifting up its members, every time we meet.

We started in a living room in 2005, when Hurricane Katrina was still in the news and nearly every friend I had seemed shell-shocked by the scope of that disaster, and helpless in its face. A group of fifteen moms convened that first night – some from the kids’ elementary school, some from church, some old friends, all people whom I knew to be generous of spirit – and wrote checks that covered the cost of a portable blood pressure monitor at a health clinic serving Oakland’s foster youth.

There. Our modest donation wouldn’t fix Katrina’s damage, but it was something positive that we could fix in our little corner of the world.

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The feeling and the format were instant winners. We couldn’t wait for the next meeting.

A decade later, we have it down to a science. One person hosts, another presents. Given kids and work commitments, generally about half of the thirty members on our ever-morphing list show up. We spend a half hour clustered around the table that is always laden with too much chocolate and wine – kidding, that’s not a thing – and catching up in voices that approach jet engine volumes.

Then the presenter gets us settled in with an icebreaker. What’s the best book you’ve read this year? Where’s your dream vacation? What was your worst job ever?

The common threads are that we always learn something new about each other and that the presenter will have a struggle on her hands to bring this part of the discussion to a close. Oh, another rule: there’s a Giving Circle Cone of Silence.

But then we’re down to business: hearing about whichever nonprofit our friend has chosen for that month. Sometimes the presentation is by someone who works for the chosen organization; more often than not it’s just our friend telling us why she chose it, what it means to her, why the work they do is important to her. I’m as moved by those stories of connection as by the needs that exist for us to fill. We have helped single moms, terminally ill children, girls rescued from the sex trade, Ugandan orphans.

None of us is rich. And God knows we’re all busy. Even if it’s only four times a year, even if you know in advance, even with the wine and chocolate, it’s hard to make the meetings.

Yet, people make Giving Circle a priority. They bring friends. They may drop out due to other commitments, but they always come back, for more of what Giving Circle gives its members: a chance to do good, a connection to inspirational and understanding friends, the thrill of seeing the direct impact of even our modest giving.

And that’s even more intoxicating than the wine and chocolate.

READ THIS NEXT:

• The Easiest (and Most Powerful) Way to Give This Holiday Season
• 3 Gifts That Can’t Be Wrapped
• Leave Santa a Christmas Cookie Cocktail
• Swedish Nuts Mix

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Philanthrophy, Wine, and Chocolate was written by Nancy Davis Kho exclusively for BonBon Break Media LLC.

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