What to Do If Your Mom is Hotter Than You Are by Alisa Schindler of Ice Scream Mama
~:: by Alisa Schindler of Ice Scream Mama ::~
It happens every single time we are out together. We could be shopping, walking, or at a school function, when inevitably someone will ask, “Are you guys sisters?”
When we nod in the negative and reveal that she is, in fact, my mother, there is a whole lot of shocked gasps .“No way!’ They say. “You totally look like sisters.”
My mom basks in the glow, as well she should. I, on the other hand, want to scream – very quietly, because I don’t want to hurt my mommy’s feelings – “HELLO PEOPLE! I’m more than 20 years younger!!”
Now I know it’s not about me looking bad at all. It’s all about her looking good. Which she does. In fact, she looks fabulous.
Still, being a girl, uh, woman, new to ‘middle age’ is difficult, but being the daughter of a hot mom can be even more challenging.
In my younger years, having a mom who was constantly playing paddle ball in her bikini or sexy dancing the night away or reminding my chunky teen-aged self, that I didn’t need the ice cream, was a little harder to appreciate.
So, as in any typical mother/teenaged daughter dynamic, I went in the opposite direction. No make-up, barely brushed hair, prairie skirts and a few pounds to lose. It took me awhile before I realized that I didn’t have to be unattractive because she was attractive.
Don’t know if you have a hot mom, here’s a checklist to help you find out.
1. In high school, the guys came over to see her.
2. She’s at least a size smaller than you are.
3. She wears lower cut shirts than you do, and she tries to unbutton yours.
4. She’s wants you to wear lipstick. Preferably red.
5. She doesn’t own flat shoes.
6. Everyone says, “Wow, your mom is hot.”
While it is annoying that she’s sexier, tinier, might even have fewer wrinkles and definitely has more energy and will power than I do; I’ve accepted the gorgeous (being her) with the ugly (being my jealously) and decided that her being hot is the best thing for me.
While I once turned up my nose to her constant exercise and irritating, rigid eating habits – steamed tofu and veggies or Cesar salad, no croutons or dressing. Uh, that’s plain lettuce mom. I now model a lot of my behavior after her.
My older self sees the value in being a fit, healthy, attractive person. Not to her extreme, of course. Daughters can only allow their mothers to be 75% right, retaining the last 25% for their own self-respect, individuality and superiority. It’s a girl thing.
Her hotness makes me try a little harder. Run a little farther. I’m still eating my ice cream, but I’ll make sure to eat those veggies as well. She keeps me in check, because life’s a competition baby, and I’m out to kick her cute little ass. No, I’m kidding. Sort of. I mean, I don’t want to kick her ass, but I do want to look as hot, maybe hotter. Someday, I will. When she’s like 80. Probably…
So the other night at a holiday dinner, when my brother asked my 2 ½ year-old nephew to give something to grandma, and he walked right over and handed to me, I didn’t scream, even quietly, I reminded myself how lucky I am to follow in her footsteps.
Hopefully, I will grow up to be just like her.
ABOUT ALISA: I am a SAHM of three delicious boys who I eat up day and night, except when they’ve gone a little sour, then they give me a bit of a stomach ache. Anyway, I love writing, I love reading. I love being active – running, biking, having a catch, whatever. My favorite treat is ice cream. Sometimes I have it twice a day. I decided I deserve it. You do too.
CONTINUE READING IN THE BEDROOM