A Slutty Halloween Costume Intervention by Rebecca Gallagher

I am no prude. Far be it from me to judge anyone who wants to show their midriff. (Okay, I will probably judge you, silently in my head wondering how in the hell you got those washboard abs after 3 kids.)  Even I’ve shown my midriff a few times myself for the sake of a costume and this blog.

But going to a Halloween party where there’s a lot of T & A hanging out makes me a little uncomfortable. I don’t know where to put my eyes. And if I don’t know where to put my eyes, my husband is sure going to have a tough time too.

I love dressing up. I have dressed up PLENTY each year. My cast of characters includes, Marilyn Monroe, Ke$ha, Dancing with the Stars, Snookie, and a 50’s housewife. I love makeup, clothes, false eyelashes, wigs… all of it! But, I don’t prefer to hang my ass out of a costume either in front of my kids, the neighbors, or my friends’ husbands.

I don’t think I’m the first one to point out here, that taking ‘beloved children’s characters’ and sexifying them is weird. Aren’t there plenty of other ‘sexy’ characters, celebrities, super heroes, to portray than going via Strawberry Shortcake or Care Bears to illustrate your allure? If you have considered any of these costumes, you were either, A) partying with Hugh Hefner B) are constantly rubbing it in our faces that we are more flabby than you C) have a weird connection to Sesame Street from your childhood, D) all of the above.

But let’s keep the kid things for the kids, and if dressing provocatively is your thing, uhm, great.

I like to look good too. I do not think a ‘Sexy Winnie the Pooh’ is how I’m going to look my best at the next Halloween party.

Nor is a ‘sexy straight jacket’ going to go over well with the spazz I am. Yes, there is a sexy straight jacket costume out there. Google it. I’m not kidding. It binds your hands to your sides. Anyone have any guesses how you hold your cocktail or use the bathroom? Me neither.

Oh, and my best girlfriend and I aren’t dressing up as Bert and Ernie any time soon wearing bikini tops, Daisy Dukes with our butt cheeks hanging out, knee socks, and suspenders over our hooters. I mean, there was, after all an actual Bert and Ernie mask to go with it. I’ve never thought Bert to be sexy. Although he and McSweetie have similar eyebrows, I’m just not the turtleneck type of girl.

So have fun with Halloween. Please leave Sesame Street to the kids in a non-sexy way.  If you want to show off your inner sex goddess, go for it. I just hope you aren’t a size 2 and show up at the Halloween party my husband and I are attending this weekend. Just kidding. No I’m not.

To be fair- here is my own gallery of costumes. None of which are slutty, right? Even Ke$ha and Snookie were done modestly. And none of them are from Sesame Street or Disney!

Left to Right on the bottom- Marilyn Monroe, Ke$ha, Snookie

Okay so I’m showing my midriff in the top one. Yeah, yeah, so what.

 

ABOUT REBECCA: She is a wife of one, a mom of two and she drives a minivan. She might serve on the PTA, she might wear yoga pants, but don’t underestimate the cliche that is her life! These are her confessions of a middle-aged drama queen.

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