Kids’ Sports We’d LOVE to See by Science of Parenthood
Kids’ sports … UGH.
- 7:00 am at a soccer field in chilly November rain? Um, no thanks.
- 5:00 pm tennis lessons in 100+ degree heat? Pass.
- Frigid ice-hockey rinks with practice start times that range anywhere from 5:00 am to 10:00 pm? Are you kidding me??
And this is all before kids even get to the competitive leagues where they practice three times a week AND then need to be driven — by you, of course — to another STATE on weekends to play.
Look, we all know kids need exercise for good health and to prevent obesity. And we are more than happy to let them work up a sweat while we grab an hour of peace in return … even if that means sitting in a car with a carafe of coffee (and our iPads) in our laps.
But really. Can’t we do better?
An hour is too short for a productive grocery run. But it’s still a precious lot of time to waste when there is so much we have to do.
So in the name of fighting obesity AND getting stuff done, here are a few new sports we’d REALLY love to sign the kids up for:
Track and Lot
Drop-in weekend clinics for all ages. Coaches are stationed at your local supermarket parking lot from 10:00 am to 4:00 pm Saturdays and Sundays for hour-long practices focused on cross-lot wind sprints, cart hurdles and increasing players’ agility through an ever-changing vehicular obstacle course.
At this neighborhood-wide sporting event, participants are divided into teams and set loose to collect the most weeds from all flagged yards. The team with the largest collection of weeds will be declared the winner, thereby earning a five-minute head start at the next week’s event.
Parents should come prepared each week with a Target shopping list of at least 10 … oh, who are we kidding? … make that 20 items. Teams of two will relay-race from the in-store Starbucks out into the aisles to retrieve each item, while parents sip lattes and goof around on their phones. Bonus points will be awarded to the team that successfully uses coupons and checks out without adult assistance.
Fold n’ Stack
Similar in nature to Cup Races, this event involves folding laundry, then shifting and re-shifting the piles to achieve the tallest, most stable stack that can successfully be carried upstairs without incident. Each stack must be grouped by clothing owner.
These sports may not secure your child a spot at his or her top choice college but then again, soccer probably won’t either!
We’re here every week!
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ABOUT NORINE & JESSICA: Science of Parenthood was created by writer Norine Dworkin-McDaniel and illustrator/web developer Jessica Ziegler.
Once upon a time, Norine met Jessica at one of those “it stays in Vegas” holiday parties — which actually sounds a lot more salacious than it actually was. A little while later, Jessica had a kid. Then Norine had a kid. Then Norine began developing a series of science-y/parent-y ain’t-that-the-truth-isms. Then Jessica came in and scribbled all over them. And Science of Parenthood was born. Norine and Jessica are not Nobel Prize-winning scientists … though they play them on the blog. Fortunately, Norine and Jessica are both married to their own adorable geeks, who explain all this science-y stuff to them at those times when recalling the laws of thermodynamics on three hours of sleep is simply too tall an order.