9 Signs of Vacation Elongation Syndrome You Should NEVER Ignore by Science of Parenthood
VACATION!!! A week of family fun in the sun! Finally, a chance to get away from the dishes and the laundry and the homework and the play dates. What could be better?
Sometimes just about anything.
The bed is weird. The food is gross. The sand, too hot. The new bathing suit scratches. You’ve just spent a small fortune to get a break from the same-shizz-different-day monotony. But you have children! Monotony is their JAM. And you’ve just gone and mucked it all up.
Vacation fun can quickly descend into the heartbreak of Vacation Elongation Syndrome (or VES as it’s known in medical circles). VES can occur when your child’s fun-meter reaches into the red zone. Their little brains can only take so much awesome.
Should any of these 9 symptoms of VES occur, treat with M&Ms and unrestricted hours of Nick Junior/iPad time as needed.
- Crying at the sight of any costumed characters, no matter how beloved, or how long you’ve waited in line to touch the hem of their garment.
- Barfing after three bites of the $15 hot dog they begged for, insisting they were STARVING.
- Screaming “DON’T TOUCH ME!!” at the pool as you try to reapply sunscreen, followed by more screaming later when you try to put a shirt on the blistering sunburn.
- Refusing to allow any part of their body to touch sand. Hot, cold or just right. It doesn’t matter. Sand is the devil.
- Walking by gift shops. If they cease their pleading to stop at every gift kiosk you pass, their whine-box is burnt out from overuse. Severe cases can include gift-shop blindness, in which they don’t even see the overpriced plastic thingamabobs that are guaranteed to get lost or broken as soon as you buy the
- Insisting that you must accompany them into the pool, all 47 times, even though they have been able to swim solo for two years.
- Sleeping everywhere BUT the bed at bedtime. The mere sight of a mattress and pillows causes an immediate adrenaline surge. But sitting at a table in a restaurant? Out cold.
- Paralyzing fear when faced with getting on the amusement park ride you’ve waited three hours in line to ride.
- Losing their appetite for treats. When your cry of “Who wants ice cream??” is met with a dazed stare, it’s time to go home.
We’re here every week!
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ABOUT NORINE & JESSICA: Science of Parenthood was created by writer Norine Dworkin-McDaniel and illustrator/web developer Jessica Ziegler.
Once upon a time, Norine met Jessica at one of those “it stays in Vegas” holiday parties — which actually sounds a lot more salacious than it actually was. A little while later, Jessica had a kid. Then Norine had a kid. Then Norine began developing a series of science-y/parent-y ain’t-that-the-truth-isms. Then Jessica came in and scribbled all over them. And Science of Parenthood was born. Norine and Jessica are not Nobel Prize-winning scientists … though they play them on the blog. Fortunately, Norine and Jessica are both married to their own adorable geeks, who explain all this science-y stuff to them at those times when recalling the laws of thermodynamics on three hours of sleep is simply too tall an order.