As the only child of a single mother, I longed for a brother or sister. A playmate. A confidant. A partner in crime. I thought having a sibling was like having your best friend living in your house. I’m not sure why. One of my best friends at the time had a younger sister, and those two girls fought like tomcats in a sack. Somehow I thought they were the exception, not the rule.

Now that I have two kids, a son and a daughter respectively, born 18 months apart, I see that my former bestie and her little sis were normal, and I was clueless. Being a daily witness to shenanigans ranging from silly to bloodthirsty has taught me a thing or 20 about sibling dynamics. Here goes:

1. Siblings = a 14 hour/day Fight Club.

2. You thought you were giving your firstborn the precious gift of a sister. Your firstborn thinks you set out to ruin his life.

3. Even with a sibling and a crap ton of toys in the house, your kids still think you’re supposed play with them!

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4. Somehow you’re always favoring one kid.

5. Actually, you do favor one kid, but which kid it is changes. It just depends which kid isn’t driving-you-batshit-crazy at the moment.

6. Never making a child feel slighted means siblings are more spoiled than only children could ever hope to be.

7. Siblings treat each other like trash and other kids like gold. Except when they don’t know anyone else.

8. The best sibling bonding seems to come when they’re treating you like a substitute teacher with a bad wig.

9. That if k equals total kids, then a temporary spell of k-1 is 687% less stressful than k.

10. Never underestimate the skills of a kid who wants to throw her brother under the bus. She’ll play you like a saloon piano.

11. An only child has no friggin’ clue what a noisy house is.

12. Having siblings not only fails to make a kid good at sharing, but actively trains him to be more of a badass at making sure no one plays with his stuff. EVER.

13. Sibling M.O.: If you can’t be as good as your sib, be the better a–hole.

14. When they want to keep something from you they make the “blue wall of silence” look like a gossip circle.

15. Fair is, in every sense, a four letter word and and the other f-bomb.

16. The child screaming “Go away!” and “Leave me alone!” will be all up in his sib’s grill two minutes later.

17. The brother or sister your children want the most belongs to another family.

18. They understand the rules perfectly — when their sibling isn’t following them.

19. They’re perfectly independent and have nothing to say, until your other child has your attention.

20.That in those rare moments when your kids are getting along, you’ll swear you see a rainbow arcing over them.

How has your family changed your perspective on family size, composition, or birth order?

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This post was written by Keesha Beckford exclusively for BonBon Break Media, LLC.

The post 20 Things an Only Child Will Learn About Siblings  first appeared on BonBon Break.

By most people’s estimation, I live a full life. They’re right. And there’s a reason for that.

It’s my highest priority.

My life is the way it is because of the choices I’ve made, not because I’m unusually lucky. Bear in mind, my life hasn’t always been what it is today, but I made the changes necessary for it to be what I wanted. Even though I’ve restructured my life, it still takes diligence and tenacity to maintain it. That’s especially important right now because my efforts mean I have a full bucket to tap into.

Although I live what most people would consider a charmed life, things still go wrong in my world. While out riding my motorcycle on January 25^th, I was hit by a car. The driver didn’t see me. I was not reckless. I’m professionally trained. In fact, I continuously train. I’m a defensive rider. I was wearing full, armored, hi-viz protective gear. I took every reasonable precaution.

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In spite of that, I was criticized for taking unreasonable risks and being irresponsible for not considering my children in the pursuit of something I love. I beg to differ. I entirely consider my children in the choices I make, I simply don’t use the same criteria that rule my critics’ lives.

The specter of a child losing a parent is certainly heartbreaking, but what I would hate for my children to live with is the knowledge that I was holding back because of them; living a half-life out of fear. That, to me, is the greater disservice. I want to show my children how to live smart, but full, lives, to manage and assess risk, and not be controlled by other’s expectations.

To do that, I have to lead by example.

Even though I face months of rehabilitation to walk again, I will return to motorcycling when I’m able. I will hike again, resume practicing yoga, get back behind the camera, return to traveling… all of the things that fill my life with joy and purpose outside of being a mother to my two sons.

The advantage to consciously crafting my lifestyle is that my bucket was full on that unfortunate day. During the recovery process, I am drinking from that bucket to carry me through to when I can refill it with the things I love. I hope in the process I will show my sons how to overcome obstacles, the importance of living purposefully, and how to pursue their passions unapologetically.

Most importantly, I hope they understand the value of keeping their own buckets full because we don’t get advance warning for the times we’ll need every drop to recover from a setback.

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This post was written by Val Joiner exclusively for BonBon Break Media, LLC.

The post Living By Example first appeared on BonBon Break.