“Thank you for my new toy.”

“Thank you for reading to me.”

“Little Brother, thanks for the balloon. Thanks for getting my favorite color.”

When I hear my boys say these things, unprompted by me, I feel…well…thankful. I am grateful that they are starting to appreciate what they have and what others do for them and to recognize that expressing their gratitude to others is kind and important. I’m grateful that something we’re doing must be paying off.

So, just how do parents raise grateful children? I’m not an expert on gratitude, but I am sure that appreciation is not taught with a single, mind-changing lesson. Rather, the lessons are in the every day. And it isn’t just about teaching appreciation for things. Appreciating experiences and other people are important too. Here are…

11 ways to raise a grateful child

1. Tell him thank you.

Much like “give respect to be respected,” children learn to appreciate by being appreciated. Thank your child for clearing the table, for playing nicely with his little sister, for waiting patiently while you finish a phone call. Thank him for just being a downright awesome kid. Show him how it feels to be appreciated and have his effort recognized, what gratitude sounds like, and how easily it can be a part of daily life.

2. Let him hear you thank others.

Our children learn so much by watching us. We can tell our kids to be grateful, but showing them what that means is so much more powerful. Point out the kind thing a neighbor or even a stranger did, and express how much you appreciate it. Tell your spouse thank you for making dinner, for helping with baths, for being a great parent. Let your kids hear you express appreciation for these things that are so easy to take for granted.

3. Don’t give her everything she wants.

Is it cliche to say that kids who have everything will appreciate nothing? When my oldest was a preschooler, I worried about him having a serious case of the gimmes. Maybe it was just his age, but I have to think that my tendency to bring home little gifts “just because” and indulge his every wish when we went shopping was part of the problem. We made a conscious effort to scale back – a lot – and I noticed a big improvement in his appreciation for the things we did give him.

4. Give her the things she needs, and provide her with opportunities to earn the things she wants.

Earning can take many forms, like a reward for accomplishing a certain goal or an allowance for chores. Even if you don’t want to tie an allowance to chores, the simple expectation that kids use their own money buy “extras” helps them to understand that many experiences and things require someone’s hard work. (When my boys ask for something at the store, I often ask if they are willing to spend their own money. If the answer is no, my response is usually that if it isn’t something they want badly enough to spend their own money on, they shouldn’t expect me to spend my money on it.)

5. Keep rewards reasonable.

It doesn’t take much to make kids happy, but when they constantly receive big rewards we are setting them up to think big is a way of life. A 50 cent allowance for a kindergartner is enough. When kids are potty training, stickers or M&Ms do the trick. They don’t need a new toy every time they poop or $10 a week. Save the big stuff – video games, a trip to the amusement park – for special occasions or celebrating really big accomplishments, so that it holds its value.

6. Call her out when she is unappreciative.

This doesn’t mean lecture the poor kid about how ungrateful she is, of course, but gently let her know, “Hey, you’re really taking this for granted and it’s not okay.” We’ve run into this at dinner time a lot. If the boys moan and groan about what we’ve served for dinner, our response is something along the lines of, “I think what you mean to say is ‘Thank you, Daddy, for taking the time to cook us dinner tonight.'” This usually stops them in their tracks. It lets them know they can appreciate the work that goes into making dinner, whether or not they like what’s on their plates!

7. Give back.

There are so many ways to give back to our community and to those in need. Rather than doing this solo, involve the kids and talk about what you are doing. Together, select a toy for Toys for Tots. Volunteer to help your local food bank with gleaning. Make care packages for the local homeless shelter. Encourage your child to put a small part of her allowance in the Salvation Army kettles in December. Participate in a walk-for-a-cause.

8.  Help your child see the need around her.

Need can come in so many forms. No matter your family’s situation, you can likely find examples in your community of people in greater need. Talk about why the Toys for Tots boxes are placed around town at the holidays. Point out the food bank when you drive by and talk about why it exists. As you tuck your child in at night, talk about how some children are not so lucky to have warm beds and a fridge full of food. If those things are a struggle for your family, help your child appreciate being healthy and loved. Those things seem so basic, but they are worth appreciating!

9.  Teach your child about developing countries.

Not in a “Woe are the poor people in those other countries” kind of way, but in a more specific way. Talk about how some countries do not have clean drinking water or medicines available. Find examples in the news or books to share with your kids. Sponsor a child through Food for the Hungry and have your child exchange letters with her, and talk about why your sponsorship is important. Help your child to recognize that there is a world beyond her own.

10.  Incorporate daily gratitudes into your family’s routine.

Whether it is part of your dinnertime routine, bedtime, or some sort of gratitude journal, encourage your child to find things to be thankful for every day. Help him to notice the little things that we so often take for granted.

11.  Write thank you notes.

Good ol’ fashioned thank you notes. They are more than a polite formality. They can also help children to realize that the fact a person gave them a gift or came to their party or did something especially nice for them is worth being recognized and acknowledged.

What do you do, to encourage gratitude and appreciation in your children? Please scroll on down to the commend share your stories!

Check out these posts from Musing Momma:

• Spilled Frappucinos: Letting Kids Experience Disappointment
• Three Magic Words that Encourage Respect

CONTINUE READING IN THE FAMILY ROOM

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• How to Raise Independent Kids
• Food Banks: Help Beyond the Holidays
• What “I’m Sorry” Teaches

The post 11 Ways To Raise A Grateful Child first appeared on BonBon Break.

Of course we know we’re not going to win. The odds of being struck by lightning three times – probably in the same exact spot balancing on one foot and singing an aria each time – are better than winning the lottery, making it silly, ridiculous, even, to play. But that swelling jackpot keeps calling, and we keep answering by paying two dollars a pop to pencil in our six lucky numbers that will, most probably, never change our lives.

We’re fortunate to have resources to live comfortably, but we’re not extravagant by any means. Picturing that jackpot as ours lets us imagine what it might feel like to have enough money to do whatever we want, whenever we want. We don’t normally talk about living beyond our means, about wishing we have things that we just can’t afford, but when we buy a lottery ticket, until we haven’t won, we suddenly do so with abandon. We can pretend we’re suddenly rich beyond our wildest dreams and discuss, at length, how we’ll enjoy our windfall.

Our kids would have us on the first plane heading toward Disneyland, with Mickey bars, cotton candy, and churros for everyone we meet. When we return, Eliza would get the hedgehog she’s sure would make a perfect pet, and Tessa would pick out the kitten she’s been wanting. Tessa generously suggested that we buy a whole extra house to turn into a kitchen for all of my baking projects. My husband would buy an airplane and set up a workshop with all the fancy tools he’s ever wanted.

Me? I’d add a second bathroom to our house and then maybe buy another house in Friday Harbor, WA, and one in Monterey, CA, so we could spend as much time in these places that we love – mostly because we have great friends there.

Last week, out of nowhere, Eliza moved from talking about fun things to do for our family to how we could use the money to help others. When we asked what she felt would make a difference, she suggested building a hotel to help homeless people, one complete with services to help them turn their lives around.

This game of let’s pretend has helped me realize that I’ve actually already won the best kind of lottery. My family is healthy and safe. We have enough to eat, and we eat well, even. We live in a small house, but one that’s comfortable and in a neighborhood with great schools. While we’ve faced our share of challenges associated with raising kids, we’re a close family, and we enjoy spending time together. We’re lucky enough to live near parents who love us and who are part of our lives. We’ve been lucky, too, to have made many friends over the years, some of whom we now count as family.

We’re lucky in all that we have. I think my kids know it, too, as evidenced by the fact they wanted to share their good fortune with others readily, unlike us, the selfish parents who thought only of making our own lives more comfortable.

Haters will say that buying a lottery ticket is like burning two dollar bills just to watch them go up in flames. I’d say that spending two dollars for hours of fun and a heart full of gratitude is money well spent.

And if — against all odds — we somehow really end up with a spare $1.5 billion, we’ll certainly put it to good use. We’ll put the kids in charge.

This post was written by Suzanne Cowden exclusively for BonBon Break Media LLC.

The post If I Win the Powerball Lottery Jackpot first appeared on BonBon Break.

Thank you for taking me on hikes in the forest, and for stopping at the lookouts along the trail even when I said that I wanted to keep moving. I secretly craved stillness. Because of you, I had time to notice the blue water, the height of the cliffs, the burnt-sunshine smell of wildflowers.

Thank you for treating me like I had an adult soul even when I was still being asked in restaurants to use booster seats. And for respecting my decision to decline all offers of booster seats.

Thank you for staying overnight as one of the chaperones during the Brownie’s camping trip. Thank you, also, for never telling anyone that you only did it because I would have been homesick without you.

Thank you for letting me into every room of the house even when I was a child and the carpets were white, and for allowing me to use the same nice dishes as our guests. For understanding the accidental shatter of a plate.

Thank you for teaching me it’s good to put butter on popcorn.

Thank you for helping me to make my Helen Keller costume, and my Georgia Peach costume, and for my Cinderella costume with the pink ribbon to wear in my hair.

Thank you for waiting in line overnight, sitting on an uncomfortable chair in the parking lot of Toys “R” Us, to get me a Furby for Christmas because you knew I wanted one of those toys more than I’d wanted anything. You sat with strangers in the cold just to make sure you snagged one before the store sold out.

Thank you for telling me the stuff you’ve done that’s colourful and offbeat, so I know I can share my own secrets with you. Sometimes I tell you and no one else because you’re the only listener I need.

Thank you for letting me know that it’s okay to be the only one who stays home and reads a book, and it’s okay to be the only one who goes a little wild and jumps too high in the dark on the trampoline.

Thank you for saying that you admire me.

Thank you for teaching me about edible flowers by plucking two from the grass for each of us to nibble. And for buckets full of blackberries we picked on the roadside, dreamy afternoons spent feeling simultaneously at home and free.

Thank you for passing on the love of power outages, blizzards, and thunderstorms. I’m most awake when nature touches the glass of my windows. I think I’m lucky to not feel afraid.

Thank you for believing that advertisements are not always right, and smiles don’t always mean happiness.

Thank you for turning on your music in the car. I still remember the some of the graceful, melancholy songs that played when you drove me to daycare, and how they made me discover a new depth to my emotions.

Thank you for lying to always tell me I was prettier, smarter, and nicer–and for being honest about most everything else.

Thank you for ignoring the advice you didn’t believe in, and for quietly knowing better.

Thank you for never telling me to quit a goal that makes me happy.

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This post was written by Jessica Lampard exclusively for BonBon Break Media, LLC.

The post Finally, A Thank You to My Mom first appeared on BonBon Break.

We learn to say thanks at Thanksgiving, but then comes Christmas when kids can really struggle with being thankful.

It’s not uncommon for a parent to wonder why their child can’t just be grateful for the things that they get for Christmas.  I’ve seen many parents get frustrated because their child complains that they didn’t get the thing they wanted the most for Christmas, or it wasn’t the right toy.  Parents are left wondering why their child can’t just be grateful for the things they did get.

The best way to handle this situation is by teaching gratitude beforehand and making it a normal part of a child’s life.

So it’s time to focus on practicing gratitude within the family to help children be grateful for the wonderful things they do have in their lives, even when they don’t get exactly what they want.

Gratitude can bring joy to life in nearly every situation.  When one is mindful about all they have to be thankful for, they are more content with daily life as well as more willing to share what they have.

The best way to teach children to have an attitude of gratitude is for parents to model it and consistently discuss what they are thankful for in everyday life.

But, it’s also a good idea to have some fun activities that focus on gratitude that you can do as a family.

In this post, Chelsea offers 10 simple (and fun!) activities and crafts that can help your family explore this important value.

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The post 10 Simple Tips to Teach Gratitude first appeared on BonBon Break.

This past week has been a tough one. A few of my friends have gone through traumatic experiences and my Little Man has been suffering some horrible bouts of anxiety that caused him to feel terribly sad. Through supporting him, being there for my friends and trying to make it all okay, I’ve been forced to ponder: What is happiness? How is it possible to be happy, while experiencing all this sadness? 

I’ve come to a new understanding and I’d like to share.

Happiness and sadness do not have to exist exclusive of one another.

As I sat with my friend who was suffering through a devastating loss and helped her to pick up the pieces of her broken heart, I tried to make sense of what it all means. Why do we have to suffer? How do we pick up and carry on? How do we find happiness again?

We talked and drank coffee and cried. I told her I didn’t know how to make it right but that I would stand there with her in her sadness and share it. She told me that was enough. We spoke about how we are both so grateful for each others’ friendship and that knowing that even in your saddest times, there is no ‘alone’ and that is surely something to be happy about.

That’s when it occurred to me.

Gratitude is everything. Gratitude is the main ingredient for happiness. It’s the spotlight that shines on all that we have to be happy about and, in fact, shows us the path to happiness. With gratitude we have the ability to build an unbreakable vessel to contain all our experiences. This means that even in our saddest times, that sadness can be safely contained in a vessel made from happiness.

It gives us context. Yes, this horrible thing we’re experiencing right now might be bitter and we may have no choice but to drink it, but the vessel we are drinking from is one made of solid happiness. While we may be suffering, we can simultaneously be acutely aware of all the wonder in our lives.

As I sat, a day later, with my little boy on my lap, sobbing because his anxiety had got the better of him, I felt so desperately sad. Even so, I was also able to contain that sadness in a beautiful vessel formed with gratitude for his good health, the fact that Darren and I are a formidable team and that we have the ability to help him. I felt the love that infuses our family and the knowledge that this too shall pass.

What a revelation – sadness and happiness can co-exist. In fact, if we allow our happiness to tightly hold our sadness, we allow ourselves to experience that pain in a way that doesn’t feel quite so devastating.

So, today I’m feeling gratitude for the sadness of this past week. I’m thankful that I was able to be there to support my friend, that she trusted me to be the one to confide in and that, that by simply being there, I somehow helped. I feel grateful for the introspection I’ve been forced into and the resulting discovery that sadness isn’t the opposite of happiness after all.

What are you grateful for?

ABOUT MICHELLE: Michelle Lewsen is Editor at Bonbon Break. She has 18 years’ experience in the advertising industry and multiple International Writing awards under her belt. In 2013, she was thrilled to be selected as a BlogHer Voice of the Year in the “Inspiration” category. She is  also the founder of theycallmemummy.com – a website for women (parents and non-parents, alike) covering a wide range of topics from parenting to work-life balance to mental health and fitness. Most importantly, Michelle is mum to three of the most beautiful human beings she has ever met.

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This post was written by Michelle Lewsen exclusively for BonBon Break Media, LLC

The post What I’ve Learned: Sadness isn’t the Opposite of Happiness first appeared on BonBon Break.