The Perfect Book When You’re Annoying Yourself as a Parent

It seems I have reached a point in my parenting career where I (on occasion) annoy myself as a mother. Perhaps I’m perpetually tired, perhaps the incessant whining from both my six and three year old has simply worn away any last surviving nerve I had, or perhaps I’ve just lost focus and need a reminder about my ultimate goals as a parent… along with a few actionable steps.

Whatever the reason, I find myself saying the same things over and over, and wondering why nobody listens… but at the same time, I haven’t changed my approach – I continue to say the same things (only louder).

I’ve also become the “don’t” mom. “Don’t do that.” “Don’t say that.” “Don’t don’t don’t.”  I’ve forgotten about focusing on positive alternatives, and have been stuck on the “don’ts”.

It was clearly a gift from the Universe when Deborah Gilboa, MD, aka Dr. G, asked if I’d like to review her latest book:

Leave it to the schools to teach our kids the “3 R’s” of reading, writing, and arithmetic. Dr. G. has a different set of “R’s” for raising children: respect, responsibility, and resilience.

The first three parts of the book revolve around these three pillars, and each part is broken down in such a way that if you’re a busy parent, you can easily pick out and read a portion that feels essential for you at the present time, for example, teaching self- respect, or manners, etc.

The last part of the book is where Dr. G. writes about how to actually get the results you’re looking for.  She’s clear about true change not happening overnight, but the book has left me hopeful that there ways of “taking the battles out of your day so you can enjoy your children and think about the bigger picture for each of them“.

What do I love about this book?

• It’s the easiest thing in the world to read. The author may be a doctor, but it in no way feels prescribed. The book lacks a clinical feel… probably because she’s also a mom in the trenches (she has four boys).  The language is conversational and the book is full of her own real-life anecdotes.
• The suggestions in the book are broken down by age range. It doesn’t matter if you have a toddler or teenager – you can easily find the information that’s useful for your particular stage of parenting.
• There is a strong emphasis on setting clear expectations/boundaries and sticking to consequences while remaining compassionate and loving.
•  The book is full of excellent and concise (yet slightly philosophical) parenting points. One that stuck with me was about how happiness is not really the point of childhood – it’s a by-product. The purpose of childhood is to learn and grow… if we can lessen the focus on satisfying our children, we can lessen our guilt when they’re not always happy.
• I didn’t feel like a bad parent when I was reading it.  Dr. G. reminds the reader on many occasions that he/she is already probably doing a lot of things right.
• The last chapter is my favorite – The Power of Love.

All in all, Get the Behavior You Want Without Being the Parent You Hate has the groundwork of a plan for some of us, that one most needed solution for a lot of us, and great reminders about intentional parenting for all of us.

“That parent you hate to be? The one who feels powerless or angry, who yells or cries or withdraws? You now have the knowledge and the power to set that parent aside almost every time. And almost every time is enough.”

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READ SOME OF DR. G’s ADVICE ON BONBON BREAK

 This review was written by Jenni Chiu:

Jenni  Chiu is a writer and vlogger  who lives with her husband and two boys in the Bay Area. She has contributed to the Huffington Post, Felicity Huffman’s What the Flicka?, and Mamalode.  You can also find her on camera four days a week at SheKnows.com, but most of her time is spent on her personal blog site, Mommynanibooboo.com.

Follow Jenni on Twitter and visit her YouTube channel.

Jenni Chiu wrote this review exclusively for BonBon Break Media, LLC