Good Intentions Parental Bingo by The Ugly Volvo
It’s January 1st as I begin typing this, and already I’ve made an avalanche of resolutions that I will never in a million years be able to keep. I’ve promised myself I’d read between 9 and 12 books, one of which is an 800-page biography of Theodore Roosevelt called “Wilderness Warrior,” which, for the record, I also promised myself I was going to read last year. Because when making resolutions, I forget what the world is actually like and how much time I actually have. I go, “I can’t wait to read “Wilderness Warrior” just as soon as I finish this other 800-page book on the history of Cancer.”
And I had the same sort of resolutions with my kid that I had with my life. Going in, I thought, “Ok! I am going to read a bunch of books on how to raise a baby and I’ll watch videos of the types of things I should do and I am going to have the best, most well-adjusted baby anyone has ever seen!”
And then I didn’t do any of those things. The best way to describe what I have done with this baby over the past year is “hang out.” We have “hung out” together, the way you do with friends from college – a lot of sitting around together and staring at stuff and every once in a while going, “Wait, why are you crying?”
And I had the same sort of resolutions with my kid that I had with my life. Going in, I thought, “Ok! I am going to read a bunch of books on how to raise a baby and I’ll watch videos of the types of things I should do and I am going to have the best, most well-adjusted baby anyone has ever seen!”
And then I didn’t do any of those things. The best way to describe what I have done with this baby over the past year is “hang out.” We have “hung out” together, the way you do with friends from college – a lot of sitting around together and staring at stuff and every once in a while going, “Wait, why are you crying?”
It’s a bingo card made up of a bunch of my current and eventual parental failures. If you can’t read it, you can also see it by clicking the link below.
Here’s a PDF of the Bingo card that you can read clearly and/or print out, if you are so inclined.
Even though I tried to be realistic about having a kid, I still feel like I’m failing a lot of the time. And with this bingo card, will I still feel like I’m failing sometimes? Obviously, yes. But if I fail at five things in a row, I’ll feel like I’ve won at something. Instead of only being frustrated that my son had a meltdown in a public place I can think, “Great! I can check off that box!”
Enjoy turning your failures into successes. For the record, my kid is just over 10 months old and I already almost have Bingo. And hang in there because even though he or she is frustrating right now, your awkward, loud, poorly-dressed child loves you very much and maybe, if you are lucky, will someday wander into a ceramics place and make you this mug.
Best of luck with everything in the new year.
(Also, if anyone sees my mom, tell her she did an OK job raising her kids. Thanks.)
ABOUT RAQUEL: Raquel D’Apice is a writer and stand-up comedian who keeps a humor/parenting blog called The Ugly Volvo. Her writing has appeared in Slate, Huffington Post, Reader’s Digest and BUST Magazine. She lives in Jersey City with her husband and 10 month old son/tornado.
Follow Raquel on Facebook and Twitter. You can follow her blog at The UglyVolvo.
CONTINUE READING IN THE FAMILY ROOM
This post was syndicated with permission.
