Mom’s Homework HELL by Science of Parenthood
Homework. Raise your hand if you DREAD it each night. Can someone please explain why the volume of our children’s homework directly impacts OUR stress level? When did their work slide onto OUR plates?
There was a reason we didn’t have homework until around 4th grade when we were kids. BECAUSE KIDS CAN’T DO IT ALONE before then. Can we go back to those days? Please??
Mom’s homework for the week of January 20-24
Monday: Beginning at 3:30pm, wrestle your first grader to the ground in preparation for his “twenty minutes” of reading. Fight the urge to scream, “FOCUS!!” one thousand times in a row as he interrupts himself in the middle of every other sentence to tell you something about a TV show. Fight the urge to storm out of the room after one hour. Plan for this twenty-minute task to take a minimum of two hours.
Tuesday: If your third grader has two math sheets comprised of twenty basic arithmetic review problems and five word problems, how many times will she cry, “This is baby work!” followed by, “I don’t get it! This is too hard!!”? Trick question! Receive an email from her teacher alerting you that she hasn’t handed in her math homework for the past three weeks, which you then find crumpled under her bed. Vow to redouble your homework espionage.
Wednesday: Your first grader has had two weeks to complete his “About Me” poster, complete with extended family photos, family tree and a personal essay. It is due tomorrow. He mentions it at 8pm.
Thursday: Your fifth grader’s science fair project is due in one week. While he has actually completed the written assignment all by himself (hallelujah!), the project will require supply-gathering trips to the Petco, Home Depot, Staples, Michael’s Craft store, Target, and the local dump. Complete these trips today during the brief window your preschooler is actually IN school, between 9am and 11:15am.
Friday: Relax! It’s Friday! Of course there’s that report on the Federal Reserve due for your third grader’s Great American Economy Pageant next week. Better get crackin’.
Saturday Extra Credit (not!!): Today you are snack mom for your preschooler’s nut-free, processed sugar-free playgroup at 10am. You are also snack mom for your daughter’s gluten-free, dairy-free basketball game at 2pm. You are ALSO snack mom for your son’s nut-free, sugar-free, dye-free, gluten-free, soy-free scout meeting at 4pm. This will require making stops at four different grocery stores before 9am. No problem, you’ve been up since 5am!
We’re here every week!
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ABOUT NORINE & JESSICA: Science of Parenthood was created by writer Norine Dworkin-McDaniel and illustrator/web developer Jessica Ziegler.
Once upon a time, Norine met Jessica at one of those “it stays in Vegas” holiday parties — which actually sounds a lot more salacious than it actually was. A little while later, Jessica had a kid. Then Norine had a kid. Then Norine began developing a series of science-y/parent-y ain’t-that-the-truth-isms. Then Jessica came in and scribbled all over them. And Science of Parenthood was born. Norine and Jessica are not Nobel Prize-winning scientists … though they play them on the blog. Fortunately, Norine and Jessica are both married to their own adorable geeks, who explain all this science-y stuff to them at those times when recalling the laws of thermodynamics on three hours of sleep is simply too tall an order.