A Control Freak’s Guide to Teaching Your Kid to Read
I guess I should also mention that I have a Type-A personality. It has been stated before that I tend to “go overboard” if you will. Or “slip into crazy mode” every once in awhile. Well, true to form (and like a dog with a bone), I latched onto teaching my daughter how to read with zeal. I have compiled this step-by-step list for all you Type- A/ Control Freak Mommas out there:
1. Attend a “parents reading workshop” at your child’s school.
2. Realize that your child is not reading at the level of most of the other children in her class.
3. Freak out silently in your head while reevaluating your skills at parenting.
4. Stay after the workshop and corner the teacher. Don’t forget to get a list of the books they are currently working on in the classroom.
5. Return to your car and order every book on the list from your Amazon app (thank goodness for Prime).
6. Wait the two days shipping with bated breath.
7. Upon returning home, try your best not to tip off your child that the terror alert has been raised to orange.
8. Smile as big as you can. Explain to your child that “We are going to start working on reading every day!!”Try to act excited about it.
9. In these two days while you wait for your package schedule your child for a hearing test.(There must be some sort of medical issue causing this derailment.)
10. Take your child to the hearing test – which she promptly fails. (Now by fail, I mean shows as light issue with her hearing.) The doctor recommends tubes. Schedule this for Thursday (yes I know, that’s in two days).
11. Discuss/ Google hearing issues and reading development with anyone who will listen.
12. Realize there is a speech component.
13. Despite the fact that you believe your child speaks very, well schedule her for a speech evaluation.
14. Finally, the books have come in. Have your child try to read them to you. Realize she can’t.
15. Schedule an appointment for an evaluation with a tutoring service.
16. Surgery day!! We can take a few days off from the torturous daily reading exercises. But rest up- we have our speech evaluation on Monday.
17. Go to speech evaluation. Pass with flying colors. Realize there is no medical reason for the delay.
18. Attend an hour-long evaluation (read: test) with the tutoring service. Try not to laugh in their faces when they suggest 40-50 hours of tutoring at a “discount price” of $2200.19. Smile, say. “Thank you we’ll be in touch”, and high-tail it out of there.
20. Go to the educational supply store and spend $50 on sight word flash cards, workbooks, and reading tools.
21. Spend an hour with your child’s teacher categorizing the flash cards into the same order that they teach them.
22. Realize you bought the wrong set of sight words. Throw these out.
23. Go to the grocery store and buy a pack of index cards. Make your own sight word flashcards.
24. Now, every time you are in the car do these flash cards with your child.
25. Hone your “driving while distracted” skills. (See related post on how to get out of traffic violations.)
26. Download a learning to read app. Show your child how fun it is.
27. Now you’re set. In the car, you do sight word flashcards, at home do the reading app, at bedtime have your child practice reading the books.
28. Did I mention you have obtained your child’s teacher’s cell number? Text her at least three times a night to go over things (teachers LOVE this).
29. After making very little progress, go on a work-related trip for three days. Figure she deserves a few days off from CRAZYTOWN-READING-BOOTCAMP.
30. When you return from your trip three days later, hug her and smile as she tells you “Mommy!!! I made it to level 5 in my reading today!!!”(Note that she was barely on level 1 when you left.)
31. Realize that if you would just calm the f*&% down and leave her alone she will be just fine.
32. Hang your head in dismay at your overreaction and hope that despite having a mental case for a mother she may actually turn out alright.
33. Pour a glass of wine.
And that’s exactly how this shindig went down. You know I’m not a “new parent” per se, but each stage is “new”. I’m figuring this all out as I go along. I do the wrong things sometimes and panic at the wrong times and make mountains out of molehills ALL the time. I go back to the moment in the pediatrician’s office during our first visit with him as I held my pink wiggling little bundle of mess, and the tears welled up in my eyes as I told him, “I don’t know what I’m doing.”
He calmly smiled and replied, “Sweetie, God made children strong enough to withstand new parents.” And I know that despite my shortcomings, she will turn out just fine.
Head to the Family Room
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This post was written by Ashford Evans exclusively for BonBon Break Media, LLC.
