My Sidekick: Guilt by Amanda Magee of The Wink
I became pregnant with my first daughter in 2004. I remember warnings about covering the outlets and napping when she napped. People told me the teen years would be awful, to enjoy the time that came before, but I don’t recall anyone ever saying that the worst judgment would be my own. Last week my youngest lost a tooth while I was away on a three-day business trip.
Like the gap in her mouth, the chasm where I keep the tally of missed opportunities or failed presence widens. Memories rush forth, hissing like villains in a fairy tale.
You weaned her too soon.
You joined the chorus of her teachers in telling her that pre-k you is old to be carried.
You, you, you. It’s always your fault.
The thrum of milestones being rewritten with angry new smudges of guilt filled my ears. A decision becomes necessary – either I linger over a perceived loss or I deliberately turn toward celebrating the dazzling transition of my daughter from the baby into a kid.
ABOUT AMANDA: Amanda is using her Pacific Northwest roots to raise three daughters in the Adirondacks while running an ad agency and a retail shop with her husband. She believes in eating organic, but has an abiding love for all manner of bacon ingestion. She’s been blogging and worshiping her kids since 2004.
CONTINUE READING IN THE FAMILY ROOM