My Sidekick: Guilt by Amanda Magee of The Wink
I became pregnant with my first daughter in 2004. I remember warnings about covering the outlets and napping when she napped. People told me the teen years would be awful, to enjoy the time that came before, but I don’t recall anyone ever saying that the worst judgment would be my own. Last week my youngest lost a tooth while I was away on a three-day business trip.
Like the gap in her mouth, the chasm where I keep the tally of missed opportunities or failed presence widens. Memories rush forth, hissing like villains in a fairy tale.
You weaned her too soon.
You joined the chorus of her teachers in telling her that pre-k you is old to be carried.
You, you, you. It’s always your fault.
The thrum of milestones being rewritten with angry new smudges of guilt filled my ears. A decision becomes necessary – either I linger over a perceived loss or I deliberately turn toward celebrating the dazzling transition of my daughter from the baby into a kid.
ABOUT AMANDA: Amanda is using her Pacific Northwest roots to raise three daughters in the Adirondacks while running an ad agency and a retail shop with her husband. She believes in eating organic, but has an abiding love for all manner of bacon ingestion. She’s been blogging and worshiping her kids since 2004.
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CONTINUE READING IN THE FAMILY ROOM
photo credit: Lara Cores via photopin cc