‘Twas The Night Before Christmas: Parent Version
‘Twas the night before Christmas,
The kids finally asleep
And the hour when all parents have to dig really deep.
It is the night where you’ll make memories you later will tell,
For moms and dads worldwide have entered Little Tikes hell.
While you’re wishing for mistletoe to get in the mood,
Instead you are realizing you’re totally screwed.
The toys to assemble,
The bike and that truck,
The hoop and the dollhouse,
A grill? What the F@*k!
Come Dasher and Dancer and instructions in German,
On Donner and Cupid, keep those wrenches a-turnin’
Late into the night and then the wee hours of mornin’,
Miniature screwdrivers you will be a scornin’.
But before the kids see all the magic you’ve done,
before the smiles and shrieks full of laughter and fun,
Parents who’ve just pulled an all-nighter for the ages
Will have journeyed through the joy that is toy assembly’s five stages.
It will start with denial of all that’s to be done,
and end with you finishing when up comes the sun.
Husband and wife will turn grumpy and mean,
Doll and truck parts spread out a la crime scene.
You will yell, you will laugh, you will cry through the night,
Until every last toy is done perfectly right.
Then Mom and Dad both will collapse full of joy,
For the trains and the dolls will soon meet girl and boy,
And the night from toy hell will have been worth it all.
The giggles! The grins! They are having a ball!
So next Christmas Eve fear not and don’t miss,
Because Mom and Dad “elves,” you totally got this.
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