When I first started keeping a gratitude journal five years ago, I thought it was a crazy idea.

I had NOTHING to be grateful for … but I thought it was worth a try.

My gratitude journal began on January 1st as the first of many life changing techniques I discovered while beginning my Abundant Mama journey.

I was desperate to feel something other than bitter and sour. I was desperate to feel supported and connected even though I felt alone.

In the beginning, I truly struggled with what to write, and often felt that I was writing the same things day after day. I berated myself for never having enough to be grateful for in life.

I kept writing, hoping that what the author said would be true: It would pay off in the end. More would come back to me if I was more grateful.

And then in mid May of that same year — when my husband lost his job as a result of a merger — I could have easily given up completely. It would have been easy to close it up, toss it to the back of the night stand and never fill it out again.

I was that angry. It could have easily seemed as if there was no grace to find, no gratitude to offer.

I was angry at so many people at that time. We lost our security — as if the earth moved and the dirt crumbled beneath our feet, leaving us feeling unstable, uncertain. Never a good place to be. Never a good feeling. Never something I’d want anyone I love to deal with in their lifetime.

I could have given up that gratitude practice. At that point, to be honest, I wasn’t sure the gratitude concept was working. We were spinning with devastation and worry about our place in our town, our place in our friendship circle, our place in the world. Over the course of five months, we rewrote who our friends really were (they were the ones that checked in on us periodically, sent us job leads and asked how we were holding up). We rewrote what we wanted in life. We rewrote what it means to feel safe, secure and at peace in our hearts. We rewrote what living is about.

And, for me, I kept writing at least five things that I was thankful for in my life. Every day. Five more things. Then five more. Five and then five and then five.

Now, I lead hundreds of women around the world in not just starting a gratitude journal — but creating an Abundance practice that is so much more than just writing a few things in a journal each day.

Here’s what I learned from my first year with a gratitude practice:

1. When you experience such a loss, it might seem easier to just hate on everything. What came from the daily gratitude, however, was immense clarity. Life became about the ones who cared about us. I have released myself from those who I barely heard from, not even once.
2. While I did skip days here and there during that time, I kept writing each and every Grace into that little book with a little tree on the front that keeps me grounded. That keeps me still and centered. It’s almost like that little book has become a source of peace, a source of comfort.
3. What also happened during the past year is that I realized that I needed to reach out to others as I wished them to reach out to me. I loved Elissa Elliott’s post on this concept. In fact, I have now made it my mission to do simple acts of grace for others.
4. Now, nearly a year after it all began, some things have clearly started coming back to us.Gifts from strangers. Kindness in rare forms. A job. New friends. Perhaps we’re just more aware now of the little things that mean so much. Perhaps it’s a bit of karma. Perhaps giving is the one gift we all need in our lives.
5. And I can barely stop at 5 things now each night. I usually go beyond five. Maybe I’m just more aware. Maybe these gifts of gratitude were always here. Maybe they are new. Each one, though, is like a tiny snowflake — unique, different and precious.
6. That we do really have to listen to our own leaves rustling and be thankful for all that we do in a day.

And, perhaps more importantly, we have to listen carefully to the leaves of others rustling as well — and seek out the good all around us.

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As I looked around the room, I saw sadness, tears, and despair. The pain was evident. The grief was obvious. However, the beauty of it all was absolutely overwhelming. I was amongst my new heroes.

Being in the circle was one of my first introductions to parents such as me. It was tragic circumstances that brought us together. I was a mom who lost a child. Although our babies were no longer with us, we were still parents. We were experiencing parenthood the tragic way; the unthinkable way.

Our support group leader was named Martha. She always had a smile and a warm hug. She had had a few losses, too, but she also had living children.

To be honest, I didn’t think that I would survive this grief. I was in a deep depression. I had thoughts of suicide and the beginnings of post-traumatic stress disorder. I didn’t know how I was to go on. My Liam, at only nine days old, was taken from us.

In going to neonatal support group meetings, I felt a sense of comfort. As much as they try, family and friends cannot relate to this sort of pain. Often times we are told to just “move on.” Well-meaning loved ones want us to be happy as “that is what our babies would want.” That may be so. However, it is horrendously difficult.

Within the first couple months of going to the meetings, I began to realize that many of these grieving couples had new reasons to smile. A “rainbow baby” is a term typically used to describe a baby born after a loss. It is very fitting as a rainbow signifies the hope and beauty that returns after the storm.

I became hopeful. I also began, very slowly, to see another baby in our future. When my husband and I became pregnant again four months after our first visit, I not only thought about our Liam, I thought of the wonderful people who supported us and inspired us. They gave us hope. They were always there.

In 1988, President Ronald Reagan declared October National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness month. Years later, bereaved mom Robyn Bear decided to take it a step further. She wanted a whole day dedicated to our babies. On October 15, Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day, grieving parents all around the world are invited to light a candle at 7:00 pm. The goal is to create a beautiful “wave of light” to remember our babies.

To an outsider looking in, there is uncertainty of how to support a loved one through this loss. Bereaved parents are often just asking for one simple thing: they want their children to be remembered. They want others to speak his or her name. They want others to acknowledge that their baby’s life, no matter how brief, still mattered.

In looking back to that somber day in 2008, much has changed. I have since given birth to not just one, but two additional children. I still carry the sadness, even while experiencing the joy of my little miracles. It is bittersweet.

I may not attend support group meetings that much anymore, but I still think about my friends often. I remember the woman who cried while describing the pain of being a guest at a baby shower. I remember the shocked couple who had just lost their baby unexpectedly. Mostly, I remember the great support I was given.

This October 15, I will think about Liam. I will also think about the other babies gone too soon. I will think about all the bereaved moms and dads. I am so grateful for each and every one of them.

 MORE INSPIRATION:

• Why I Stopped Saying No to Screen Time
• Do More of What Makes You Happy
• Small and Mighty Moments
• Create Your Own Village

Take a peek at the INSPIRE posts

ABOUT KATHLEEN: Kathleen Sullivan is a freelance writer and full-time mom. Her work has been published on The Huffington Post, Scary Mommy, The Mid, Mamalode, and xoJane. She also writes about the ups and downs of mommy-hood on her blog, Three Kids, One Husband, and a Bottle of Wine.

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When I sit down to set goals, parenting is always on my mind.  I think about challenges from the past year, looking for patterns and reflecting on where disconnection showed up in my relationships with my family.

While I can make a list of things I wish my kids would do better this year, I know that change starts with me.  I invite much of the behavior I see, and the vibe I bring to the relationship sets the tone for the interactions that show up.

Some themes show up each year, and as I think about it, I know it is not just me.  This parenting journey is a universal experience, and while there may be small differences in the challenges we are experiencing, there are also things we can all do to increase love and connection on the journey.

Here are three practices for less yelling and more loving in 2015:

Take Care of Yourself  

I am sure you’ve all heard this, “you have to put on your oxygen mask first, before you can help others.”  And while your have heard it, and know it to be true, have you take the steps needed to actual do it?

Taking time for yourself is not selfish or indulgent, it is necessary.  Just like our kids, when we are hungry, angry, lonely or tired, we show up poorly for others.  What fills your soul cup?  Is it walking in the woods?  Time with friends?  Meditation or prayer?  Early bedtime?  Whatever it is, you must schedule in time to do it if you want it to happen.  Write it down.  Every day.

And going to bed at 1am so you can binge watch Orange is the New Black doesn’t count (oh, that may have been a note to self ).

A practice that has been filling my soul cup is getting up a half hour before my children and taking time to meditate and write in my journal.  Because it is the first thing I do, I then move into the rest of my day feeling full and ready to be there for my peeps.

Go Inside

I don’t mean inside the house.  Go inside your body, get to know the sensations and emotions that come along with situation that trigger you and send you to Grumpy Parent Land.  Get curious about the emotions that live underneath anger.  Is there fear?  Shame?  Guilt?  Unworthiness?

We all carry a weighty amount of “stuff” inside of us.  Exploring it allows us to recognize and release the habits and responses that aren’t helpful.  And by exploring, I mean really see it, and find its’ source.  This can bring up old hurts and pain from your past, and it is ok to go here, the past is over, why allow it to have a hold on your present?

When we do this internal work, we allow more space and awareness for compassion, patience and gratitude, which is exactly what is needed in those moments of being emotionally triggered by our kids.  When the I’m so pissed right now language shows up, go inside and explore it.  I promise you, when practiced regularly, this curiosity alone will help to lessen the hold the anger has on you…

I have noticed that when I do this, my Positive Discipline tools are more available to me, because my mind isn’t flooded by emotion.  I see my children AND the situation with more clarity.  I am open to listening deeper, and finding solutions that are helpful, rather than hurtful.

Intentional Presence

Yes, I know I am going a little “woowoo” here, but it’s just so darn HELPFUL to focus our attention on being truly present with our children…  Now, I am not suggestion that you are totally there and present 100% of the time with your kids.  There is no way to embrace the first two tips if that was my suggestion.  What I am saying is just like you schedule in your self care time, make sure there are times of the day that you are intentionally present with your kids.

For me, this happens in the morning.  Because of their schedules, I have an hour or so with each of them alone in the morning.  I connect with them over breakfast, asking lots of what and how questions, showing my interest in them and the day ahead.

I also make sure to really tune in to my kids when I am taking them to activities throughout the week.  I embrace those alone times and remove distraction so that I am there, fully present.

I am not saying to be in deep conversation with your kids as often as possible.  A lot of the time, intentional presence is quiet.  It is being available.  It is proximity.  Be there, and they will come to you.

As you connect throughout the day, throughout the week, you will notice that the challenges that show up won’t carry the same sting.  Instead, you will be able to look deep, and recognize the needs of your children.  Deleting the Facebook app off my phone has taken this to a whole new level, by the way…

I promise you, if you bring these practices into your daily life, you will shift the relationship you have with your family.  You will find more peace and less stress on your parenting journey…  and there will be room for a lot more loving!

Read more Parenting Advice from Joyful Courage:

• Mindful Parents Create Mindful Kids
• Locating My Inner Budda
• Connection Starts with You

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The post 3 Practices for Less Yelling and More Loving in 2015 first appeared on BonBon Break.

Me: I’m feeling the need for some alone time. Do you think it’s okay, if you are up to it, if I go out for an hour or two and have a break?

Husband: Sure, sounds good.

Me: Oh, thank you thank you thank you, I won’t tarry. Again, am so so thankful.

Husband: That’s fine, just let me know if I need to fix their meal or if you’ll be home in time.

{An hour or two elapses at my destination where I don’t fully relax because I feel low levels of guilt. I then begin to feel sorry for my husband because, boy, 3 kids 3 years and under sure is a handful. I go on home and dive right back in not refreshed as I’d hoped.}

Me: Thanks sooooo much for watching the kids. I really appreciate it. I mean, honestly, it was so nice to get away.

Husband: Not a problem, any time.

That is a normal conversation at my house.  It seems perfectly fine on the surface, but really, it’s not.

You see, my husband is NOT doing me a favor my watching my kids.

Here’s why…

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* Before I wrote a single word, this post was discussed in depth with The Girl. She agreed it was something that needed to be said in hopes of helping other young women avoid a similar situation.

Usually I’m the funny chick but today is slightly different. This week something serious happened to The Girl and it made me realize that there was one thing I hadn’t prepared her for; sexual harassment in the workplace.

About this time last year, The Girl got her first job and she loved it! The independence, the ability to manage her own finances, and meeting new people all appealed to her fun-loving, generous nature. But this past week that all changed.

The fun-loving, out-going, goofball
person that is The Girl

A month or so ago, a new person was hired in. (We’ll call him Dick. Because it fits.) Dick’s a middle-aged guy who is apparently out of touch with the concept of personal space, which slightly unnerved The Girl. Especially uncomfortable was the part where he began giving her surprise hugs.

We discussed why she felt uneasy around Dick, specifically the hug part. She decided she was probably misreading his intentions, since he frequently discussed his wife, children, and grandchildren. She reasoned he was just being somewhat “fatherly” toward her and she’d taken it wrong, despite her gut-feeling.

There have been several times since then that we’ve discussed Dick and the fact he has continued to make her feel ill at ease. She’d decided against talking to any Managers because, well…was giving her a “friendly hug” or placing his hand in the small of her back when he was reaching around her really out of line? (YES! The answer is totally YES.)

A few days ago, something…changed. The Girl was working at the Guest Services desk when ole Dick returned the keys at the end of his shift. As The Girl chatted with a Guest, Dick leaned around her to toss his keys on the desk, only this time? It wasn’t her back he put his hand on. My daughter maintained her composure and continued to deal with the unhappy Guest as Dick continued to man-handle her backside.

After the Guest and Dick had both left the store, she started shaking to the point a friend and co-worker noticed and, after hearing WHY she was ghost pale, called the Manager who escorted her to the office to file a complaint.

My daughter…my strong, beautiful, confident, loving, comfortable-in-her-own-skin daughter, was left in tears. She felt guilty and ashamed, as if it were her fault Dick took it upon himself to touch her.

Fortunately, it was caught on the security camera, so no investigation was required to terminate Dick’s employment. Now Dick is jobless, but The Girl is left with a MOUNTAIN of paperwork to fill out, including being forced to recount in writing every last uncomfortable, inappropriate interaction she ever had with Dick. Somehow…the fairness seems a little lopsided to me on this point.

The thing is, I feel like I failed my daughter. Yeah, we spent YEARS discussing “stranger danger” and the whole “good touch/bad touch”. One thing we never discussed before was what exactly constituted sexual harassment in the workplace.

I also feel as if I failed her by not pushing her harder to listen to her gut. After all, the guy set off alarm bells with her from day one. The fact that she is such an friendly, trusting individual is exactly why she ignored them.

So last night we talked. A lot. We talked about things I should have said a year ago. Things like sexual harassment, much like rape, is rarely about sex; it’s about power. Whether the aggressor is using their words or their hands, they’re stealing your ability to make decisions for yourself.

Guilt and shame are common
feelings associated with
sexual harassment.

I wish I’d told her no one has the right to make you uncomfortable in your own skin. Listen to your gut! If they feel “wrong” to be around, then politely tell them you’re working and don’t have time to chat. Walk away. If being polite yet FIRM fails, get a Manager.

One of the things that cut deepest was her guilt over a man with a family losing his job. It literally angered me beyond words. After all, we’ve always told the offspring that there are consequences to every action and decision. The consequences Dick faced were a direct result of his decision to take liberties with my girl’s behind. He could have changed his course at any time!

When The Girl looked at me and said, “But Mom, this is also a direct result of my choice not to report him for hugging me in the first place. Right?” I broke down in tears. Because I wonder if she’ll ever stop feeling guilty for something that never was and never will be her fault.

I’m furious that this person took a piece of my child that can never be returned; a certain sense of trust and innocents. Although, the worst thing he did was take a chunk of her self esteem, leaving her, for now, self conscious of her female curves and ashamed for having them.

I know time tends to blunt the edges of these still fresh emotions and eventually she’ll relax back into who she is. But, I also know from personal experience, that nagging question of guilt will never totally disappear. It’ll always hide in the far shadows of her mind to pop back up when similar situations present themselves. And that is something I wish I’d been able to spare her.

How do you know if you’re being sexually harassed? Sometimes the lines may seem blurred between “friendly” and purely harassing. You can find answers to questions you may have about what constitutes sexual harassment and what steps to take to end it HERE, HERE, and HERE.

If you’re a student and you’re being sexually harassed, you can find a clear list of the steps you need to take to put a stop to it HERE.

UPDATE FROM CHRIS’S FACEBOOK PAGE (11/9/13):

Dear Facebook friends who have been so supportive of Celina with everything that happened last week. Usually, I don’t name company’s names, but this? I’m making an exception. “Dick” was NOT fired. Target allowed him to return to work, after being told not to touch any employees and discussing BY NAME the employee (my daughter) who filed the claim. The said they could see from the video he touched her, but weren’t able to determine if it was lower back or butt. When Celina asked to be moved to an area where she wouldn’t have to work closely with “Dick” she was told she over-reacted and “misread’ the situation and needed to learn to work with him. 
To me, a woman, mother, and person, THIS IS UNACCEPTABLE! I may not be able to storm anyone’s office and demand they move her or schedule them on different shifts, but I CAN publicly voice my frustration and outright anger at the way this company chose to handle an older man sexually harassing a young lady. 

and then…

Target The reason a claim of sexual harassment was swept under the metaphorical rug, and I quote, “We are not going to be responsible for ending a man’s career over a misunderstanding.” And this statement was made after they admitted they could tell from the tape that he touched her, just not if it was lower back or butt.

 

ABOUT CHRIS: Chris Dean is the wife of an extremely tolerant man, Mom of four fairly functional adult-kids, world-class music junkie, and all around nut job! She began writing Life Your Way! as a way to help keep her sanity while going through the diagnostic phase for an autoimmune disease.

Chris dealt with this speed-bump the same way she’s always dealt with these things, education and laughter. Her mantra has become, “A life without laughter is a life unlived.” And living is exactly what she makes it her goal to do and hopefully inspire others to do as well!

Follow Chris on Facebook | Twitter | Pinterest | Google + .

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The post Sexual Harassment in the Workplace: It’s Not about Sex, It’s about Power by Chris Dean first appeared on BonBon Break.

Sometimes, fathers find it difficult to express how they feel about their daughters.

It was from my quiet, reserved father that I learned to recognize what love truly means, via a long and difficult road. After a process of self-discovery and observing the actions of my father, I discovered that the things I thought were missing were there all along.

NOTE FROM VAL: This heart-wrenching story is a life-changer. I give this one Five Clicks.

ABOUT KRISTIN: Kristin Shaw is a writer, wife, and mother of a preschooler. She grew up in the RV capital of the world — Elkhart, Indiana — and is a graduate of the University of Cincinnati. She enjoyed several years in Atlanta before the mother ship called her Texan husband home to Austin. Her favorite things are family, classic cars, sports, Italy and dessert; not necessarily in that order. You can reach her via Twitter @AustinKVS or her blog Two Cannoli, where she writes about relationships, motherhood and love.

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The post More Than Words by Two Cannoli first appeared on BonBon Break.

I spent the first two years of being a mother fighting losing battles.

I tried desperately to be the best mom I could and to do that it seemed like I had to do everything right, get everything perfect and make no mistakes.

So, I set out to get my little girls to eat what I wanted them to eat. I tried to get them what I wanted them to wear. I tried to get them to do things I wanted them to do.

And I did it all based on what society, magazines and other moms seemed to think was right.

Basically, I wanted them to follow my very sophisticated, adult agenda.

And, as a result, there were a lot of tears.

On my end.

And theirs.

Waking up and accepting imperfections as part of our abundant lives is hard to do but that’s what I did. Motherhood doesn’t have to be this hard. Raising children shouldn’t cause pain — for me or my kids. And sometimes waking up is simply a matter of realizing that right isn’t always better. Right isn’t always the peaceful path. Right isn’t always what will build our kids up to be awesome and thriving.

And that striving for perfection isn’t the only way to be a good mother.

So I stopped the battles, cold.

ABOUT SHAWN: Shawn Ledington Fink is the author of The Playful Family and the Thinking Mama behind the Awesomely Awake who is changing the world — one family at a time. She is a peace and kindness spreader and offers an e-course called The Abundant Mama Project that leads women into a daily gratitude practice.

You can follow Shawn on her Blog or find her onPinterest, Facebook and Twitter.

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The post 8 Power Struggles Parents Should Let Go (and why) by Awesomely Awake first appeared on BonBon Break.

The Top 5 Things About Parenting That You Were Never Told

~:: Multiple Mayhem Mama ::~

Image courtesy of www.theatlantic.com

Parenting advice is everywhere, in magazines, online and on TV. If you’re looking for some tried and true nuggets of information, they’re not hard to find. We all know about some of the classics: “sleep when the baby sleeps,” “trust your instincts,” etc. That said, there are some equally important pieces of parenting advice that many of us weren’t told when we embarked on the journey of becoming mom or dad. For those who are looking for some simple yet lesser-known truths about parenting, read on…

ABOUT SAMANTHA: Samantha Kemp-Jackson is a parenting writer, blogger, senior communications consultant and the married working mother of four children who range in age from mid-twenties to three (the latter two being identical twin boys). The voice behind the popular parenting blog Multiple Mayhem Mamma, she focuses on topics and issues that resonate with her audience of (primarily) moms, from a lighthearted yet real perspective. She has also written a number of articles about more serious topics that have provided thoughtful insight to her readers.

Samantha has written for a number of high-profile publications including the Globe and Mail, The Toronto Star, The Ricki Lake Show Magazine (2012), The Huffington Post & SavvyMom.ca (where she’s a regular featured blogger at both outlets), Babble.com, iVillage.ca and many others. She is also a regular broadcast media personality, having regularly appeared on Canada AM, CH Morning Live, Rogers Daytime Toronto (regular appearances), Global News Morning Show, CBC Here and Now, as well as Newstalk 1010 and CJAD 800 to name a few. Samantha is currently working on a book based on her blog and hopes to have it published in 2013.

Follow Samantha on Facebook, Twitter, Google+ and Pinterest.

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When Something Doesn’t Seem Right

~:: Kathy Radigan of Bonbon Break ::~

If you have ever looked at your beautiful child and felt in the pit of your stomach that something might be wrong, this post is for you.

I still can remember the morning, eleven years ago, when I knew in my soul something wasn’t right with our daughter, Elizabeth. She was six weeks old, and very sweet. I was admiring her and enjoying a few lazy moments of cuddling with her.

I am not sure what it was specifically that made me notice it that day, but as I was looking and cooing at Elizabeth, it struck me that she was not looking back at me.

That was it, nothing really dramatic. But in the deepest part of my soul, I knew something was not right with our daughter.

That morning began what has been a very long, often painful, and extremely frustrating journey at attempting to uncover the mysteries of Elizabeth and to determine what we could do to best help her.

Elizabeth has had 5 MRIs, starting at age two. Each one shows something is very wrong with her brain, but not one doctor can tell us exactly what. The parade of professionals we have seen include two geneticists, two neurologists, an otolaryngologist, an audiologist, an endocrinologist, allergists, immunologists, and even one alternative healing doctor. Not to mention an extremely long line of special education teachers, speech therapists, occupational therapists, and physical therapists since she was 18 months old.

Eleven years later, we still do not have a name for the disorder that wrecks so much havoc on our daughter, but I have learned some invaluable lessons that I want to share with anyone who may look at their child one day and wonder if something is wrong.

1.    First thing to remember is breathe. You may experience a gut-wrenching feeling that something is wrong, much like I did with my daughter, or it just may be a faint feeling that something does not seem right. Whatever the nature of your reaction, chances are you are going to be nervous. Breathing is a good way to settle down. The calmer you can remain the better for you and your child.

2.    Trust your instinct. It has been my experience that if something feels wrong, it probably is. That does not mean your worst nightmare will come true, but you are going to want to act on your feeling. Do not let anyone, no matter how important or well-intentioned, convince you to ignore your instinct. You know your child best.

3.    Do not panic. That may seem impossible. I certainly had my moments when the fear was intense. It is frightening when you know something is just not adding up. But panic does not solve anything, and it can leave you paralyzed with fear.

4.    Research is great, but be very careful, especially in the beginning. I went right to my well worn copy of “What to Expect the First Year” and checked under what my baby should be doing at six weeks. Stick with a small number of mainstream information sources, such as web sites or news publications you trust or a well-respected child development book. Among the sea of great information that is out there for parents there is also a lot of misinformation.  You need professional guidance and facts so you can best help your child.

5.    Act on your feeling ASAP. The sooner you respond to a perceived problem, the quicker you can get your child help. Call your pediatrician or health care provider and make an appointment. Let them know your concerns and get their opinion. If they agree with you, they may recommend a specialist. Or they might suggest waiting a few weeks to see if a developmental milestone is reached. Ask yourself this question: do they take my concerns seriously? It is paramount that your health care professionals respect your concerns and opinions.

6.    Doctors, specialists, and teachers are only human beings. They can be wrong. Trust your gut instinct no matter who the professional is or how well-renowned they may be. You can always get a second opinion.

7.    Remember, you are human too. You may want the professionals to be wrong when they are giving you bad news. It is a delicate balance between trusting your best instincts and not wanting to accept a painful diagnosis.

8.    Do not underestimate the importance of getting your child help. Catching a developmental delay at an early age can often rectify a small problem before it becomes a bigger one. I have witnessed miracles with all three of my children. And I have seen some very talented people get my kids to places that others thought were impossible.

9.    Having one or two people who trust your instincts is going to be vital to help you get the best help for your child. My husband completely believed me when I said something was wrong with Elizabeth and supported my desire to find out the cause. If you are lucky enough to have a partner who is on the same page as you, great. If not, search out a friend, relative or professional who is behind you.

10.     You will also need people whose opinion you trust. There may be times when you have to face some tough realities. Or times when a professional will give you a diagnosis that does not feel right. You need someone who can help you decide what to do next. I was lucky to have made friends with a few of my children’s teachers, therapists, and doctors. I knew they would tell me what they thought, not just what I wanted to hear.

11.    Parenting is a marathon, not a sprint. If you deal with one stage at a time, you will do yourself a huge favor. This is especially true if your child turns out to have a developmental delay. Enjoy the small victories as well as the big ones. When Elizabeth was a toddler it was feared she would never speak. One day she told me to go jump in a lake. I was never so happy to be told off by a five-year-old!

Parenting is not easy in the best of circumstances. When a problem arises it can seem impossible. I am not a licensed professional, just.a mom who is doing her best to get her children the help they need.You are going to want, and need, to consult your own doctor or healthcare provider. You may learn, like I did, that you and your child are much stronger than you would have ever thought.

Kathy Radigan is the Content Director and Co-founder of Bonbon Break. Her first love was acting and singing which she pursued until the desire to pay her bills became stronger. She left her job as an assistant in a Venture Capital firm when she and her husband had their first child in 1998 and has been enjoying and immersed in the raising of their three children ever since.

When Kathy and Joe’s youngest child started kindergarten in the fall of 2010 their children’s schools went paperless. Kathy begrudgingly got her first email address and became a full fledged mom blogger a few weeks later. Her site, My Dishwasher’s Possessed, posted a weekly essay for two years. She loved exploring her funny, messy and hectic family life that includes two boys with learning issues, a daughter with significant special needs and a crazed appliance. Kathy decided to unplug the dishwasher this fall in order to fully enjoy her work with Bonbon Break and occasionally throw a load of laundry in! Though she’s happy, her dishwasher isn’t and refuses to even pretend to be a normal appliance. Contact her at kathyradigan@hotmail.com.

This piece was written exclusively for Bonbon Break Media, LLC

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I didn’t hear the rest. Just stood there, clutching the phone, waiting for the floor to crack open and drop me into hell.

The girl was seven then, with a tangled mass of long brown hair the likes of which caused her to blanch at the sight of a brush and caused hairdressers to charge me double. Back then, I didn’t even know what lice was. All I knew was it was bad, very very bad. So bad that I flew straight past confusion, fear and all rational thought directly into panic.

Next thing I knew, I was being sucked into Google, staring at bug legs while scratching my head raw. I was furious, freaked out, frightened. Some absentee mother’s kid had infected mine and now I had no choice but to step up, and fast.

I yanked the poor child out of school, swore everyone in town to secrecy, begged the Lice Squad for advice. An hour later, I had the shakes, the sweats. This was War. I had to end the Bugs’ Life before they ended ours. But could I?

ABOUT MOMFAZE: Toronto freelance writer/editor Randi Chapnik Myers and social communicator Mara Shapiro blog for momfaze, a no-holds-barred site for parents of teens and tweens. Randi, who also writes for Today’s Parent, More magazine and the Globe & Mail, is proud to be an expert carpooler, a reluctant chef, and a hockey mom at StixandPux. Mara, a Community Manager for Our Kids Media and book reviewer on Be Nice or Leave Thanks, has a hard time wiping the smile off her face while trying to perfect the art of saying No to her three teenagers.

Follow them at www.momfaze.com as they stalk their kids online and live to write about it.

CONTINUE READING IN THE FAMILY ROOM

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Bite Your Tongues, Parents

~:: Awesomely Awake ::~

Question of the Day — What was one thing someone said to you in your childhood or younger days that still stings when you think about it?

I still remember sitting in the driveway, sobbing.

My 8-year-old body shivering with hurt.

“My, you’ve put on some weight, haven’t you?” they said.

Those words said by a relative stung and stabbed and lived in my memory from that day forward.

I never looked at myself the same again.

I avoided mirrors. I hid myself with baggy clothes. I began spending more time in my room.

Now, I am absolutely obssessed with making sure that never happens to my daughters.

Of course, I will fail because people do not think, they do not mind their words, they do not understand the hurt they cause so casually.

At the end of the day, here’s what I know to be true:

What we say and how we say it matters.

We also have to monitor what others are saying to our kids and stand up for our children when we hear it.

Courage, in other words.

And, in the wise words of Ghandi, “We must be the change we wish to see in the world.”

We cannot control what our relatives or the kids at school or even their friends will say but we can watch our own words. We can be aware and intentional about what we say and how we model minding our words.

6 Ways to Watch Your Words with Kids:

ABOUT SHAWN: Shawn Ledington Fink is the author of The Playful Family and the Thinking Mama behind the Awesomely Awake who is changing the world — one family at a time. She is a peace and kindness spreader and offers an e-course called The Abundant Mama Project that leads women into a daily gratitude practice.

You can follow Shawn on her Blog or find her onPinterest, Facebook and Twitter.

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“Call 911. I’m having a heart attack.” My husband ignores me.

He remembers the countless nights I’d place a compact mirror under her nose to confirm she was breathing and when that wasn’t enough to reassure me, I’d sometimes nudge her until a perfect piercing scream broke the silence and woke the dead. Bliss. Satisfied she was alive, I’d climb into bed and send my husband in to rock her back to sleep. He never quite forgave me, which explains why he refuses to call 911.

“She’ll be fine. Go stalk her on Facebook,” he tells me.

What does he know that I don’t? The weight of her uncharted future sits squarely over my left ventricle, trapping my breath. How can I not worry? She has my eyes, my heart, my drive, my propensity for reckless abandonment, my fearlessness, and my weaknesses.

“I. CANNOT. BREATHE,” I mouth. He pours me a glass of wine, tells me to chill, and reminds me of her brilliance and that she’s  just like me.

Exactly! Not good. For the millionth time I ask myself, why didn’t you just adopt a pet rock? No fuss, no clean up, no worrying, no need to let go or consider the alternatives, like hiring 007 or having a GPS device inserted for 24/7 peace of mind. How is it she’s the one living La Vida Loca and I’m visualizing every horrible plotline from Law and Order, where the girl goes missing or gets hurt by some random psycho because she smiled? I reach for the glass of wine.

I don’t know if I have the fortitude to sit on the sidelines of her life while she charts her own course, when for the first eighteen years I was the keeper of maps, navigating her to and fro, far away for treacherous waters. Will she falter after a trip down the ravine of life? When she fails, will she know it’s both OK and expected? Will she know how to sidestep potholes? Will she remember how to navigate a 360-degree turn if she’s in a tight spot? Will she stay away from vampires and werewolves and reconsider the boy from high school? Will she cry a river of tears when her dreams dissolve in the horizon? Will she realize, as the author of her story, she can begin anew by turning the page? Will she rise to any occasion? Will she laugh at herself after the tears have dried? Will she endure all the seasons of her life without bitterness? Will she believe in herself, in magic, and in the mystery of life even when she has lost her way? And will she remember the only voice that matters is hers?

“Bring me the bottle of wine,” I call.

My husband rolls his eyes and returns his attention to the computer monitor. I walk past his desk and stop midstride.

“Why are you looking at Tasers on Amazon?” He shrugs.

I lean in closer to read the description.

Terminator 7,800,000 V Stun Gun with LED Flashlight, one of the most powerful stun guns

“How much is it?” I ask.

We lock eyes for a second and realize the insanity of the idea. He’s breathing in my crazy air and wondering what I wonder.

“She’s a sophomore in college living in an apartment with roommates, friends she met her freshman year. It’s not as if she is living in the Tenderloin. She’s in Santa Fe, for heaven’s sake. What could possibly happen in a town where the happening spot on Saturday night is karaoke at Applebee’s?” He asks me.

What do I know about her roommates? Background checks—not a bad idea. I make a mental note and leave him to fester while I fetch the bottle and another glass. He will need it.

He is right about one thing. My girl is brilliant, and what she and I have in common cannot be a bad thing. I survived my reckless years and even the ones between when I lost my way and watched in horror and nearly drowned in despair when a few dreams of mine evaporated. I’ve fallen down so often I sometimes cannot remember which position is upright, yet here I am, still enthralled with the mystery of life after all of my ups and downs.

“I. CANNOT. BREATHE. CALL 911,” my husband mumbles and then proceeds to guzzle his glass of wine. “Pass the bottle.”

I sip mine and breathe comfortably. She’ll be all right. She has my mettle, but, thankfully, not my hips.

ABOUT BRENDA: Brenda Moguez, is writer embracing her inner Xena, Princess Warrior, as she tackles the list of possibilities. She favors writing a story over vacuuming the dust bunny commune growing under her bed. When she’s not sitting on her bed writing she’s thinking about writing.  She is currently finishing the second novel while shopping the first one. She’s lives in San Francisco with her family and a fat cat.  All but the cat has accepted her passion for writing. You can find her at http://www.brendamoguez.com/, where she explores passionate pursuits in all its forms.

Follow Brenda on Twitter.

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This post was written exclusively for Bonbon Break Media , LLC

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