When I first started keeping a gratitude journal five years ago, I thought it was a crazy idea.

I had NOTHING to be grateful for … but I thought it was worth a try.

My gratitude journal began on January 1st as the first of many life changing techniques I discovered while beginning my Abundant Mama journey.

I was desperate to feel something other than bitter and sour. I was desperate to feel supported and connected even though I felt alone.

In the beginning, I truly struggled with what to write, and often felt that I was writing the same things day after day. I berated myself for never having enough to be grateful for in life.

I kept writing, hoping that what the author said would be true: It would pay off in the end. More would come back to me if I was more grateful.

And then in mid May of that same year — when my husband lost his job as a result of a merger — I could have easily given up completely. It would have been easy to close it up, toss it to the back of the night stand and never fill it out again.

I was that angry. It could have easily seemed as if there was no grace to find, no gratitude to offer.

I was angry at so many people at that time. We lost our security — as if the earth moved and the dirt crumbled beneath our feet, leaving us feeling unstable, uncertain. Never a good place to be. Never a good feeling. Never something I’d want anyone I love to deal with in their lifetime.

I could have given up that gratitude practice. At that point, to be honest, I wasn’t sure the gratitude concept was working. We were spinning with devastation and worry about our place in our town, our place in our friendship circle, our place in the world. Over the course of five months, we rewrote who our friends really were (they were the ones that checked in on us periodically, sent us job leads and asked how we were holding up). We rewrote what we wanted in life. We rewrote what it means to feel safe, secure and at peace in our hearts. We rewrote what living is about.

And, for me, I kept writing at least five things that I was thankful for in my life. Every day. Five more things. Then five more. Five and then five and then five.

Now, I lead hundreds of women around the world in not just starting a gratitude journal — but creating an Abundance practice that is so much more than just writing a few things in a journal each day.

Here’s what I learned from my first year with a gratitude practice:

1. When you experience such a loss, it might seem easier to just hate on everything. What came from the daily gratitude, however, was immense clarity. Life became about the ones who cared about us. I have released myself from those who I barely heard from, not even once.
2. While I did skip days here and there during that time, I kept writing each and every Grace into that little book with a little tree on the front that keeps me grounded. That keeps me still and centered. It’s almost like that little book has become a source of peace, a source of comfort.
3. What also happened during the past year is that I realized that I needed to reach out to others as I wished them to reach out to me. I loved Elissa Elliott’s post on this concept. In fact, I have now made it my mission to do simple acts of grace for others.
4. Now, nearly a year after it all began, some things have clearly started coming back to us.Gifts from strangers. Kindness in rare forms. A job. New friends. Perhaps we’re just more aware now of the little things that mean so much. Perhaps it’s a bit of karma. Perhaps giving is the one gift we all need in our lives.
5. And I can barely stop at 5 things now each night. I usually go beyond five. Maybe I’m just more aware. Maybe these gifts of gratitude were always here. Maybe they are new. Each one, though, is like a tiny snowflake — unique, different and precious.
6. That we do really have to listen to our own leaves rustling and be thankful for all that we do in a day.

And, perhaps more importantly, we have to listen carefully to the leaves of others rustling as well — and seek out the good all around us.

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If you’ve read The Abundant Mama blog over the last two years, you’d know that I tend to start out every week with an intention. Creating them and sticking to them is one of the foundations of The Abundant Mama Project, too.

But sometimes setting bigger-than-life intentions can become more of a should than a desire.

A desire is something that feels good.

A should is something that feels more like a chore.

Part of my quest this month is to experience a more abundant holiday season — a season that is full of spirit and magic and meaning.

And a love for meaningful over quantity.

This also means I have very high expectations of what this season should feel like. If anything that’s the hardest part — when we are desperately trying to tap into that magical feeling that we had as children.

And I worry if I’ll be able to create that same magic for my daughters.

Perhaps, though, it’s not really about me at all. The spirit is already in them. In fact, they are the spirit of Christmas. Their joy in believing is the magic.

In other words, everything is already just as it needs to be.

They are just guiding us along.

May our eyes remain open to that wonder while it lasts.

Here are 5 Words for an Abundant Holiday Season:

1. GIVING. Much like the whole 80-20 rule of marketing, we can spend the majority of our time thinking of others this season. Other children who don’t have a joyful family to hug and hold them tight. And other people who won’t have a family meal to gather around on Christmas Day. Give the gift of time to someone who values it. Give a gift of a note of appreciation. Give a dish of cookies.

2. SIMPLE. It can be really easy to get caught up in making this season complicated. Highly involved recipes, crafts and activities. But, a simple night of driving around and watching the lights twinkle is really about as simple as it needs to get and we often forget that. Get back to basics and find beauty in just being enough as you are right now.

3. SLOW. Lighting candles. Sitting by fires. Making a good batch of cookies. This is the word that carries a family through the stress of the holidays. This is the word we have to keep at the forefront of everything we do. The point is to not rush through any of it. Watch the snow fall. Watch the water boil. Watch the child fall asleep in her sweet pajamas.

4. RELISH. Relish how the kids light up at the gift of the morning’s arrival. Relish at how the room smells after baking that bread. Relish at the sounds of the music pouring out of the speakers. Relish the feeling of making someone happy with a gift that really means something to them.

5. JOY. Isn’t this the point? To feel joy. This doesn’t mean with gifts because the real gifts aren’t under the tree. But to feel joy by giving and relishing. To feel joy by living a simple, slow life. No matter what happens if a home has joy it has everything to a child. Forget the gifts, give me joy. (tweet this)

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Editor’s Note: We have always loved each and every post from Shawn. She has an incredible way of helping me find my center in tumultuous times. We have featured her multiple times on BonBon Break and we are thrilled that she will be syndicating some of her favorite posts with us. A big thank you to Shawn and don’t forget to sign up for her weekly email, you won’t regret it! ~Val

So we’re talking about perspective this week.

Particularly, shifting our own attitudes when things aren’t going our way.

Gee, does this sound like something our children can use a little help with at times?

One of our family rules is BE FLEXIBLE.

Now, I realize this is a big stretch for 6-year-olds but I can honestly say that they are getting it. Slowly.

We use a lot of character development words around our house. We often use to describe them based on the list of character traits they are learning about in their school. Risk takers. Communicators. Thinkers. Balanced. Caring. I won’t bother to list all of them.

Oddly, being flexible isn’t on the list, but the school does work with the children on not being perfect. It’s also addressed a bit under being a risk taker.

And, for those who followed my heartbreaking story … this is how I was easily able to use the response that I did.

Shifting our attitude is important because one of our daughters has already set her marks on perfection.

She likes things the way she likes them. And, it can be a downright struggle if she doesn’t get it. She’s not a mean child but she’s stubborn. As in if she can’t find the perfect after school outfit to wear she’ll cry about it until dinner. For an hour. Or more depending on the day. Naturally, she’s better when she’s not hungry or tired but the point is that perfection is her absolute hangup.

So, being flexible is a skill we have to model and demonstrate. Shifting our attitudes when things don’t go the way we want them to is the best way to teach children to handle challenges.

Here’s a few tools we’re using to raise flexible children:

Re-frame. By asking questions, we can help a child re-frame their challenge. For example: Your child says she raises her hand but the teacher never, ever, ever calls on her. We ask questions such as are other children trying to answer the question, how often do you raise your hand and do you think the teacher is trying to make it so everyone gets a turn?

Feel the emotions. I’m still learning to do this myself, by the way. You know, feel anger when angry. Feel sadness when sad. Feel disappointment when I’ve been disappointed. These are all perfect human emotions. We must remember to tell children it’s OK to feel these emotions.

Coach them. Like everything with parenting, the more you discuss a situation from all angles, the easier it is for a child to grasp the concept. They are still learning. Their brains are still not fully developed and won’t be for many years to come. We must show them the way. We must help them understand the big picture.

Make mistakes. We love mistakes at our house so long as we know they tried their absolute best. That’s it. Try your best. There are many outfits that do not match. There are many art projects that aren’t as we wanted them to be. But that’s what makes us human.

Perspective. In the grand scheme of life is this a big problem or a small problem? We do a lot of big picture perspective to help a child shift their attitude around. It works.

Point out their flexibility. Naturally, if you want your child to appreciate being bendy and flexible, you have to point it out to them. Once you start doing that and they start feeling proud of their efforts, they become even more flexible. Saying things like I love how you compromised with your sister or I saw how you wanted those polka dotted socks but were willing to take the stripes.

How about you? Do you discuss being flexible and shifting attitudes in your family?

ABOUT SHAWN: Shawn Fink has been called the Yoda of Mamas. Through e-courses and books, she inspires and teaches women to care for themselves so they can care for their families. She is the author of e-book “The Playful Family” and founder of The Abundant Mama Project, a community for busy mamas who want to be more peaceful, playful and present. Subscribe to her weekly email to receive her free e-book The Abundant Mama’s Guide to Peaceful Mornings.

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I spent the first two years of being a mother fighting losing battles.

I tried desperately to be the best mom I could and to do that it seemed like I had to do everything right, get everything perfect and make no mistakes.

So, I set out to get my little girls to eat what I wanted them to eat. I tried to get them what I wanted them to wear. I tried to get them to do things I wanted them to do.

And I did it all based on what society, magazines and other moms seemed to think was right.

Basically, I wanted them to follow my very sophisticated, adult agenda.

And, as a result, there were a lot of tears.

On my end.

And theirs.

Waking up and accepting imperfections as part of our abundant lives is hard to do but that’s what I did. Motherhood doesn’t have to be this hard. Raising children shouldn’t cause pain — for me or my kids. And sometimes waking up is simply a matter of realizing that right isn’t always better. Right isn’t always the peaceful path. Right isn’t always what will build our kids up to be awesome and thriving.

And that striving for perfection isn’t the only way to be a good mother.

So I stopped the battles, cold.

ABOUT SHAWN: Shawn Ledington Fink is the author of The Playful Family and the Thinking Mama behind the Awesomely Awake who is changing the world — one family at a time. She is a peace and kindness spreader and offers an e-course called The Abundant Mama Project that leads women into a daily gratitude practice.

You can follow Shawn on her Blog or find her onPinterest, Facebook and Twitter.

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Bite Your Tongues, Parents

~:: Awesomely Awake ::~

Question of the Day — What was one thing someone said to you in your childhood or younger days that still stings when you think about it?

I still remember sitting in the driveway, sobbing.

My 8-year-old body shivering with hurt.

“My, you’ve put on some weight, haven’t you?” they said.

Those words said by a relative stung and stabbed and lived in my memory from that day forward.

I never looked at myself the same again.

I avoided mirrors. I hid myself with baggy clothes. I began spending more time in my room.

Now, I am absolutely obssessed with making sure that never happens to my daughters.

Of course, I will fail because people do not think, they do not mind their words, they do not understand the hurt they cause so casually.

At the end of the day, here’s what I know to be true:

What we say and how we say it matters.

We also have to monitor what others are saying to our kids and stand up for our children when we hear it.

Courage, in other words.

And, in the wise words of Ghandi, “We must be the change we wish to see in the world.”

We cannot control what our relatives or the kids at school or even their friends will say but we can watch our own words. We can be aware and intentional about what we say and how we model minding our words.

6 Ways to Watch Your Words with Kids:

ABOUT SHAWN: Shawn Ledington Fink is the author of The Playful Family and the Thinking Mama behind the Awesomely Awake who is changing the world — one family at a time. She is a peace and kindness spreader and offers an e-course called The Abundant Mama Project that leads women into a daily gratitude practice.

You can follow Shawn on her Blog or find her onPinterest, Facebook and Twitter.

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How to be a More Adventurous Mom

~:: Awesomely Awake ::~

I kept staring at the purple carpet under our feet as I laced up my girls roller skates.

ABOUT SHAWN: Shawn Ledington Fink is the author of The Playful Family and the Thinking Mama behind the Awesomely Awake who is changing the world — one family at a time. She is a peace and kindness spreader and offers an e-course called The Abundant Mama Project that leads women into a daily gratitude practice.

You can follow Shawn on her Blog or find her onPinterest, Facebook and Twitter.

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Confession: Sometimes my daughters argue.

Sometimes they even hurt each other, though usually by accident.

They yell, “I hate you” when they don’t get their way.

They storm into their rooms and I hear boom … pause, pause … boom!

Doors slam.

Words get tossed around like pizza crust.

And then, just like that, they are cuddled up next to each other reading a book, holding hands or figuring out how they can dress exactly the same to own their twin-ness even more. Just like that they are playing mommy and baby or two teachers in a classroom or zoo keepers tending their animals.

This sibling love/hate is all new territory for me.

I don’t have any sisters and my brother, now 21, was born when I was practically moving out of the house for college. He was more like my own son than a brother. I took care care of him.

There were no arguments and there never have been.

“I wish I had a sister like you,” I told my daughter one day when she was getting a bandaid for her sister’s tiny boo-boo.

“Well, you have us,” she said, rushing up the stairs to tend to her twin’s paper cut.

But, sisters … oh wow. The Love. The Passion. The Friendship. The DRAMA.

It’s been 7 years and the sibling dynamic is something I am still figuring out but I know a whole lot more now than I did in the beginning and it goes something like this:

HELP THEM UNDERSTAND THEIR FEELINGS — We all get angry when we don’t get our way. We must help siblings understand their anger is not toward their sister or brother but toward the frustration of the situation.

HELP THEM LEARN TO MAKE UP — I stopped long ago making my girls say they are sorry. Instead, we give them other ideas of different ways to show that they are sorry and make up. Draw a picture. Make them a small snack. Bring them their favorite teddy bear. Ask them to play. Help her clean up the mess.

HELP THEM SHOW THEIR LOVE — When things are good, praise them for being good sisters or good brothers. Point out the great moments of sharing, of working as a team and showing love that you witness.

HELP THEM BE INDEPENDENT — Just because they are sisters doesn’t mean they have to do everything the same. Encourage quiet time and separate time. Talk about how their differences are beautiful and make them unique. Show them how they are alike as well so that they can see and appreciate their differences. Don’t make them play together. Don’t make them dress alike. Don’t make them like each other if that’s not in the cards for them today.

HELP THEM BE KIND — Be Kind is our first house rule. To do this, we must model kindness. Siblings often need gentle reminders that kindness is more than just going out of your way. It’s about using kind words. It’s about helping others be kind. Give them a project to work on together that fosters being kind to each other and to others.

How about you? Any tips to offer on fostering a great sibling relationship? Did your parents make you do anything you hated when you fought with your siblings?

ABOUT SHAWN: Shawn Ledington Fink is the author of The Playful Family and the Thinking Mama behind the Abundant Mama who is changing the world — one family at a time. She is a peace and kindness spreader and offers an e-course called The Abundant Mama Project that leads women into a daily gratitude practice.

You can follow Shawn on her Blog or find her on Pinterest, Facebook and Twitter.

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The post 5 Ways to Foster Sibling Love first appeared on BonBon Break.

It’s funny that I’m writing about sleep.

Because for a year and a half sleep has been hard for me.

I get to sleep fine and, if I’m lucky, I stay asleep for a good solid stretch of time and wake my normal, happy, rambunctious self.

There are other days when a child wakes me or a noise wakes me or my brain wakes me.

And then I find myself AWAKE in that awful way I don’t want to be: Mind buzzing. Worries floating. Fears rising.

The worst of this was when my husband was unemployed.

But, even once we were back on solid ground, financially, I still found myself not sleeping.

ABOUT SHAWN: Shawn Ledington Fink is the author of The Playful Family. She has been using these mantras and many others as she navigates being an intentional mother of twins, who are now 6 years old. A writer and journalist for nearly 20 years, she has a love of words and being a peaceful, playful and creative Mama. She loves inspiring other families to slow down and inject meaningful moments into their everyday life on her blog Awesomely Awake. You can find out more about her on Pinterest, Facebook and Twitter.

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20 Realistic Parenting Resolutions

~:: Awesomely Awake ::~

There are a few times a year when we become all about setting new goals.

Like the start of a new Year.

Or, during back to school season.

And, even when a new season is upon us {think spring cleaning}.

We like goals. We like resolutions. We like the idea of starting with a clean slate — this time will be better than the last.

Here at Awesomely Awake each week for the last year we’ve set an intention on how to live more mindfully, be better parents and just enjoy life more fully.

ABOUT SHAWN: Shawn Ledington Fink is the author of The Playful Family. She has been using these mantras and many others as she navigates being an intentional mother of twins, who are now 6 years old. A writer and journalist for nearly 20 years, she has a love of words and being a peaceful, playful and creative Mama. She loves inspiring other families to slow down and inject meaningful moments into their everyday life on her blog Awesomely Awake. You can find out more about her on Pinterest, Facebook and Twitter.

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The post 20 Realistic Parenting Resolutions by Awesomely Awake first appeared on BonBon Break.

Real Mantras for Real Parents

~:: Awesomely Awake ::~

As a mother, have you ever reached your breaking point?

Perhaps all the children were fighting and dinner was simmering — then burning — on the stove. Perhaps the list of to-dos piled up higher than the dishes in the sink. Perhaps your child was dealing with a big issue at school, something that caused you to lose sleep with worries.

Those really difficult moments are when we build our parenting muscles but are also the hardest and the most gut-wrenching.

Maybe you have a long list of friends to call and vent to during challenging times.

But what if you don’t?

These Real Mantras for Real Parents just may save your day — or at least your voice.

ABOUT SHAWN: Shawn Ledington Fink is the author of The Playful Family. She has been using these mantras and many others as she navigates being an intentional mother of twins, who are now 6 years old. A writer and journalist for nearly 20 years, she has a love of words and being a peaceful, playful and creative Mama. She loves inspiring other families to slow down and inject meaningful moments into their everyday life on her blog Awesomely Awake. You can find out more about her on Pinterest, Facebook and Twitter.

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~:: Awesomely Awake ::~

Sometimes life isn’t easy.

Some days, we have hard, hard work to do — and then we have to wake up with a smile, too, and be the sun and the moon for some little people.

Sometimes, parenting isn’t easy.

Some days, we have big, big decisions to make – and then we have to make dinner, bake cookies, plan for school bakes sales.

ABOUT SHAWN: Shawn Ledington Fink is the author of The Playful Family. She has been using  mantras as she navigates being an intentional mother of twins, who are now 6 years old. A writer and journalist for nearly 20 years, she has a love of words and being a peaceful, playful and creative Mama. She loves inspiring other families to slow down and inject meaningful moments into their everyday life on her blog Awesomely Awake.

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The post Fill Your Well by Awesomely Awake first appeared on BonBon Break.

Ah, Halloween.
When cute little children become all obsessed with sugar-loaded candied everything.

It’s enough to drive a mom crazy.
Right around the end of the school year, I finally toss out the candy. We live all summer without candy. We eat plenty of ice cream and s’mores but not candy.

Then Halloween hits. Bam!

Then, it’s a slippery, slimy slope down the candy land lane from that point forward. Christmas. Valentine’s Day. Easter.

What is the harm with candy? Why do we fret over it so much? Is it really all that bad?

As an intentional Mama, part of me knows that raising balanced, healthy children means  allowing little to no candy, which is how we roll most of the year.

But the fun, you-only-live-once part of me says, “Let them eat candy!”

So, if candy is the main event for Halloween, candy it shall be.

This is not to mean that there aren’t some creative ways to help the candy disappear faster — and hopefully with a tad less consumption by mom or dad.

My first big bag of tricks on this is to leave the bag in plain site in a corner of a room that is played in often. I know, I know this is contrary to what many might think. Hide it. Put it way up on that top shelf.

Nope. Leave it on the floor like another toy and they will eventually step right around it and not even think about it. Worked last year so it has to work this year, right? RIGHT??

When that doesn’t work, these fun little candy traditions have worked for us in the past:

1) The taste test. This is when we sit on the floor in a heap with all the candy goods piled between us and a trash can within reach. Take one bite of a piece of candy. Toss the rest of it in the trash. Decide what you like and what you don’t. Record it if you’re fancy. We’ve not been too fancy so we just eat and toss.

2) Science experiments. There are really cool things to do with candy. For instance, we put cotton candy on our refrigerator in September and after a month it turned into a solid rock of rainbow sugar. OK, this wasn’t an experiment. It was an accident. But it was awesome anyway. You can take any hard candies and put them together and melt them. Turn them into a cake stand. Or a flying disk. Or, just watch them melt and toss them like we do.

3) Baking with candy. This is my favorite. This is when I steal all the good ones and pretend that I’m going to use them for that next great Pinterest recipe but really I end up sneaking them out one at a time until there’s not enough for the recipe. If you really must bake with them, you can just add whatever your choice to cookies, put them on top of brownies or, the best, way is to sprinkle them over a homemade ice cream cake.

4) Donating. Find a good place to send your candy. To some child that just didn’t get any this year for whatever reason. Perhaps because their mom WAS SMART. Or, there are great causes that accept candy like hospitals and homeless shelters. Just make sure you call and ask around first.

5) Candy bombing. This is on my list this year for the week after Halloween. We are going to help the children leave some of their candy with little notes for special people in their everyday community. New and old teachers. Janitors. School staff. Church friends.

Halloween is a great time for children to get to get exercise while getting to know their neighbors, which makes for great community building. But, best of all, it’s the one night of the whole year where they can dress up and take their imaginary world outside into the general public — where it’s acceptable.

Of course we should celebrate and let them eat candy.

In fact, we should eat some, too.

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ABOUT SHAWN: Shawn Ledington Fink is the author of The Playful Family. She has been using  mantras as she navigates being an intentional mother of twins, who are now 6 years old. A writer and journalist for nearly 20 years, she has a love of words and being a peaceful, playful and creative Mama. She loves inspiring other families to slow down and inject meaningful moments into their everyday life on her blog Awesomely Awake.

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CHECK OUT THESE FUN HALLOWEEN FOODS AS WELL!

The post 5 Halloween Traditions: Let Them Eat Candy! first appeared on BonBon Break.