science of parenthood - BonBon Break

Why I Stopped Saying “No” to Screen Time

Val Curtis — Sat, 15 Apr 2017 19:00:12 +0000

Say what?! Yes, it’s true.

Do you get tired of saying, “NO”? I do. I get fed up until I find myself shrieking, “No screen time for a week!” and then I realize my kids aren’t the only ones being punished.

Screenless weeks always happen during the most inopportune times. I‘ll need to work or take a call or make dinner or occupy one child while the other is having a play date with a friend OR a child will be home sick. You always need something once it is taken away.

Why do I cringe every single time they ask and why does it usually result in a freakout? Perhaps it’s due to something I call “Broken Record Syndrome”.

It sounds a little something like this:

Child: Can I play on your iPad?

Me: No

Child: Can I play on your phone?

Me: No

Child: Can I play on the laptop?

Me: No

Child: Can I play on my LeapPad?

Me: No

Child: Can I play on Dad’s iPad?

Me: Noooooooooo! That’s it, no screen time for a week. Go outside!

I hit a mental wall. BAM.

Whenever I hit a wall and realize something is driving me batty (like hearing “I’m bored”), it is time to come up with a new strategy. I turn my hat backward and look at the situation in detail; it’s time to come up with a new plan.

1. What’s the problem? I hate saying, “NO” to screen time all of the time.

2. Why? I want them to be outside whenever possible (not inside driving me nuts).

3. Details: Is ALL screen time bad? No. How much should be allowed? An hour a day, max – ok, most days. When should it be allowed? When chores and homework are done and outside play isn’t an option. Do they need to earn it all of the time? Usually, yes; but not always.

4. Am I over reacting too quickly because this is a hot button? Yes, which means something needs to change.

The topic of going outside came up twice and I realized that I would usually follow up “NO!” with “Go outside!”

I came up with a solution. I ask the kids what color the sky is.

For real. If it is blue, they have to go outside. If it is gray, they can be inside and we will discuss their options. And now they know.

(Partially because I have this AWESOME printable!)

They ask, “Can I play with ___”. I follow up with, “What color is the sky?” They either head outside or get the follow-up, “Are your chores and homework done?” If everything is done, I ask them what they want to do on the device in question. Also, we live in the PNW and once October hits, there are more gray days than blue, so they REALLY need to take advantage of every outdoor moment they can get.

Back to the devices. There are five major reasons I am ok with my kids having a little fun on the tablets and phones:

Our kids need to be tech savvy – many assessments are given on tablets or desktop computers and our kids need to be able to read and comprehend content that they read on a screen. To completely cut them off is actually doing them a disservice.
There are a TON of great, educational apps – Math, spelling, reading, writing, science, coding, geography, foreign languages are all there and more! Pick a topic and there is an app for it. (See list at the end of this post.)
YouTube – It’s entertaining, but it is also today’s “Tiger Beat”. Using some simple tricks, you can make it a safe place for your kid to peruse and enjoy a little down time.
An outlet for creativity – Stop animation, creating music, art, and movies. The creative options are endless, accessible and you will be amazed at what your kids can create!
Moderation – Take something away forever and they want it more. We are all like that, right? As soon as something isn’t forbidden, it’s easier to take it or leave it.

However, once they are on, how do you keep them from STAYING on? How do you set limits?

That’s where OurPact comes in.

OurPact empowers parents to guide their children through the balanced use of technology. It is a leading parental control app for iPhones, iPads, and iPods that makes it easy for you to set limits on how much time your children are spending on their mobile devices. Create schedules, block all Internet and app use at a moment’s notice or reward them with the allowance feature.

They are here to help you balance the risks and rewards of iOS and Android technology for your family, with ease…and it is FREE. Download it now.

You can set a timer from your device or you can have “screen time” windows in your child’s day. It’s pretty cool.

They even have these helpful hints where you can discuss using the privilege of mobile device ownership as a vehicle for trust-building within your family.

And that is why we are partnering up with them this month because they are wonderful and keep providing great resources for us.

You see, parenthood is like a the TV reality show Survivor. We just need to outwit, outsmart and outlast our kids and OurPact is helping us keep our upper hand on the game.

Now go outside before I vote you off the island!

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Making Valentines with your 5-year-old in 7 Fun-filled Steps

Science of Parenthood — Tue, 14 Feb 2017 09:38:06 +0000

Valentine’s Day! The perfect opportunity to exorcize your pent-up craft-making demons. It’s been WEEKS (maybe) since you packed away your handmade Christmas ornaments, we know that glue gun has been burning a hole in your craft holster. Spending a “leisurely” afternoon crafting with your five-year-old ought to put those demons to rest, just follow these 7 easy steps…

Step 1:
Spend two weeks scouring Pinterest for the perfect, handmade Valentine idea for your daughter’s class Valentine party.

Step 2:
Blow $50 at the craft store: $20 on necessary supplies and an additional $30 on cute stickers and glitter she INSISTS she needs. Ignore the fact that store-bought cards for 30 kids would have run about $10.

Step 3:
Set up your craft station, aka Production Zone, and outline the plan to your 5-year-old.

Step 4:
Within three minutes, realize that any sort of “plan” was pure fantasy as your 5-year-old spends the next 20 minutes covering the first card with 80 stickers and an inch of glitter glue; declares she’s “done” and gets up to leave.

Step 5:
At this rate you will need two months to finish 30 cards. Steer her back to the table and kick into high gear. Begin furiously shuffling fresh cards in front of her like a blackjack dealer in an attempt to get at least one child-made mark on each card. Sensing you have less than five minutes before a craft-induced meltdown, break out the stamps (even though they are Christmas themed), arm her with one in each hand, spread out the remaining cards and direct her to stamp away! Whack-a-Mole style. Bribe her into signing a total of four cards before giving up completely.

Step 6:
After she goes to bed, open some wine and complete the rest of the cards. Toast your whimsical composition and fresh color palette. Decide that you have truly missed your calling as a powerhouse Pinterest craft-blogger; make a mental note to tweet pictures to @thistlewoodfarm. Consider misplacing her cards in favor of yours.

Step 7:
The next day at the class party, notice several children have clearly signed all their own cards. Tell yourself that they began their cards right after Christmas.

We’re here every week!
Read more Science of Parenthood on BonBonBreak.com

For more scientific snarkiness, follow Science of Parenthood
Website | Facebook | Twitter | Pinterest | Google +

ABOUT NORINE & JESSICA: Science of Parenthood was created by writer Norine Dworkin-McDaniel and illustrator/web developer Jessica Ziegler.

Once upon a time, Norine met Jessica at one of those “it stays in Vegas” holiday parties — which actually sounds a lot more salacious than it actually was. A little while later, Jessica had a kid. Then Norine had a kid. Then Norine began developing a series of science-y/parent-y ain’t-that-the-truth-isms. Then Jessica came in and scribbled all over them. And Science of Parenthood was born. Norine and Jessica are not Nobel Prize-winning scientists … though they play them on the blog. Fortunately, Norine and Jessica are both married to their own adorable geeks, who explain all this science-y stuff to them at those times when recalling the laws of thermodynamics on three hours of sleep is simply too tall an order.

Follow Science of Parenthood on: their blog | Facebook | Twitter | Pinterest | Google +

The post Making Valentines with your 5-year-old in 7 Fun-filled Steps first appeared on BonBon Break.

Gifts That Might be Headed Your Way this Mother’s Day

Science of Parenthood — Fri, 06 May 2016 08:11:14 +0000

Heeeeeere comes Mother’s Day! An ENTIRE day in which your children shower you with attention and gifts. So! Many! Gifts! You are one lucky lady. Yes, indeedy.

In preparation for the gift bonanza, spend a few minutes each day practicing your thrilled/surprised face in the mirror. The surprised part will likely come naturally, the layer of “thrilled”atop it will take some practice.

Your purse decorated with dinosaur stickers? How lovely! Damp goldfish crackers from your child’s pocket? Don’t mind if I do!

You’ve got to hand it to them, they do try. Just remember, despite all evidence to the contrary, they really do love you. Let us count the many ways they show it.

Gifts that might be headed your way this Mother’s Day

Flowers from the mean neighbor’s garden
A playdoh …thing. Giraffe? Chicken? Grandma??
A necklace made from other jewelry you own, all tangled together
A peanut butter and grapes and ketchup and salt sandwich
A live worm
Earrings made of noodles and tape
Your child’s favorite toy (On second thought … No, you can’t have that)
A handful of full of partially chewed smoked salmon, because it’s “yucky”
A crown of weeds
A drawing of you topless with a giant wine glass
Another drawing of you topless on the dining room wall
Nose smear on your blouse in the middle of brunch
Handprints made with syrup in your hair
A lap full of buttered toast
A day filled with damp hugs that you wouldn’t trade for the world

We’re here every week!
Read more Science of Parenthood on BonBonBreak.com

For more scientific snarkiness, follow Science of Parenthood
Website | Facebook | Twitter | Pinterest | Google +

ABOUT NORINE & JESSICA: Science of Parenthood was created by writer Norine Dworkin-McDaniel and illustrator/web developer Jessica Ziegler.

Once upon a time, Norine met Jessica at one of those “it stays in Vegas” holiday parties — which actually sounds a lot more salacious than it actually was. A little while later, Jessica had a kid. Then Norine had a kid. Then Norine began developing a series of science-y/parent-y ain’t-that-the-truth-isms. Then Jessica came in and scribbled all over them. And Science of Parenthood was born. Norine and Jessica are not Nobel Prize-winning scientists … though they play them on the blog. Fortunately, Norine and Jessica are both married to their own adorable geeks, who explain all this science-y stuff to them at those times when recalling the laws of thermodynamics on three hours of sleep is simply too tall an order.

Follow Science of Parenthood on: their blog | Facebook | Twitter | Pinterest | Google +

The post Gifts That Might be Headed Your Way this Mother’s Day first appeared on BonBon Break.

20 Apps You Can Play With Your Kids

Val Curtis — Sun, 01 Nov 2015 12:58:32 +0000

This post was sponsored by Our Pact.

I won’t lie. I was that parent who said, “No SCREEN TIME!” until I realized that there are actually a lot of benefits for my kids. In the spirit of honesty, I admit, I really enjoy sitting down and playing word games or Prune with my kids. There are actually quite a few apps you can play with your kids. It’s the perfect rainy day (or social distancing) activity and we can play back and forth. Lately, when they ask for screen time, I jump in and play with them or read aloud from a downloaded book.

Did I mention my son and husband have been COMPLETELY sucked in by Minecraft? I love hearing them strategize together. My daughter loves to read “Bob Books” with me and this makes my mama heart so happy.

Here are some other apps you can play with your kids:

Multi-player Games

Uno – iOS Android

Boggle – iOS Android

Battleship – iOS Android

Scrabble – iOS Android

Ruzzle – iOS Android

Ice Age Village – iOS Android

Fruit Ninja – iOS Android

Minecraft – iOS Android

Monopoly – iOS Android

Starving Gators (think, Hungry Hippos) – iOS Android

Life (the Board Game!) – iOS Android

Joey Jump Free (just straight up fun)- iOS

Charades! Guess Words with Kids – iOS Android

Color Code – Mastermind – iOS Android

iMimic -like the game “Simon”- iOS Android

Checkers – iOS Android

Jenga -(ok, I really prefer the real deal, but it’s ok for a plane ride) – iOS Android

Backgammon – iOS Android

Chess Free – iOS Android

Word Wow (FUN!) – iOS Android

Not-multiplayer

These are the games I REALLY love to play with my kids (and alone!) right now.

Prune – gorgeous and challenging – iOS Android

Aa – so simple, so tricky – iOS Android

Two Dots – starts out simple and is fun to solve together – iOS Android

Duet – iOS Android

Sketch Breaker – iOS

Sudoku – iOS Android

Sometimes, when we get the ball rolling, it’s hard to stop the games and turn our screens off.

That’s where OurPact comes in, there is accountability for our kids, but it keeps me honest as well.

You can set a timer from your device or you can have “screen time” windows in your child’s (or your) day. It’s pretty cool.

They even have these helpful hints like this Family Contract where you can discuss using the privilege of mobile device ownership as a vehicle for trust-building within your family.

When we are set to play together online, oftentimes, I will use the OurPact timer so we don’t stay on all day. Now if I can just get my husband to start using it!

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Mama’s Back To School Supply List

Keesha Beckford — Fri, 21 Aug 2015 18:00:02 +0000

These days, as a parent, “Back to School” means buying your kids stylish new outfits and a truckload worth of school supplies for the classroom collective. In terms of the latter, I’m waiting for the day when we’re asked to buy our kids their own desk and a new dress for the teacher. We spend the days before our children return to school running all over town like deranged chickens and ordering online into the wee hours of the morning, just to prove that we are mothers extraordinaire, able to fulfill every obligation perfectly and meeting needs our children didn’t even know they had.I think I just heard a primal scream.

It’s okay, honey. Let your feelings out!

Now, like most things parenting, who’s lost in this equation?

You guessed it.

Mom.

I mean, Hel-lo? What about our needs? Sure, we may be sitting home eating bonbons and watching HGTV all day, but we are just as involved in this school thing as those little people who will no longer be in our homes. Little people who spent the last months of their lives thinking we were their personal Julie the Social Director/Alice the Maid.

But seriously, all things school-related can turn motherhood – already an all-consuming job –into something that could have made Mother Theresa herself kick the lepers and shake her fists at the heavens. Don’t we moms deserve supplies that will keep us from hiding under the dining room table speaking gibberish and being hauled from our homes in a straitjacket? Don’t we moms need deserve new gear that could mean our very survival?

Don’t we deserve a back-to-school supply list of our very own?

Hell to the yes we do! And if the items below were available for public use, or existed at all for that matter, we’d be knocking each other down to get them.

Beds with an “EJECT” button.

2. “Accepting That Your Child is (Maybe) Slightly Above Average” on Audiobook

3. Organic bully repellent spray

4. An anti-lice halo (also organic, of course!)

5. An invisibility cloak.

6. A Hazmat Suit

7. Common-core-homework-sensitive Wine Drip

8. Self-preparing lunchboxes

9. Mitten clips for EVERYTHING

10. A badass mom-uniform. Make that 5.

11. Wigs for impossible hair days

12. An STFU app for asshat parents, kids, teachers, and coaches.

13. A supervisor who keeps us on schedule while the kids are gone

14. Kids’ breakfasts that vaporize if not eaten within 20 minutes

15. A vaccine against projects remembered at the last minute and lost permission slips

16. More relaxing and enjoying before they’re on their own.

Happy Back to School!

What do you need to get you through the school year?

BBL: Jessica Ziegler and Kate Hall – Concept to Book in 30 days

Val Curtis — Tue, 02 Dec 2014 21:08:02 +0000

In this episode, Val was chatting it up with Jessica Ziegler and Kate Hall LIVE . They discussed their recent ~~insane~~ inspired project where they went from a concept to a Book in one month!

Topics Discussed:

How did the concept for The Big Book of Parenting Tweets come about
Getting the eBook started and gathering content
Hot tips to avoid eBook speedbumps / roadblocks

The Big Book of Parenting Tweets
Twitter isn’t just for breaking news and celebrity stalking—it’s also a goldmine of the funniest comedy online. Jokes? People tell jokes on Twitter? YES, they do. And they are hilarious! “The perfect book for parents who want — NEED — to laugh, but don’t have time to sit down and read a daunting book. Grab it, head to the bathroom and lock the door until they find you!” —Jill Smokler, aka Scary Mommy

Meet the guests:

Jessica Zeigler

The daughter of famed New Yorker cartoonist Jack Ziegler, Jessica divides her time between coming up with book ideas on insanely tight timelines, directing social web design for VestorLogic and Trail Sherpa and sketching out science-y principles on her drawing tablet for ScienceofParenthood.com. Jessica is also the creator and publisher of StoryTots, a series of customizable children’s books. She lives in Denver.

Connect with Jessica on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Google+ and Instagram.

Kate Hall

If anyone’s looking for Kate Hall, check Twitter first. That’s where you’ll usually find her. She loves Twitter so much that she created the blog, Hall of Tweets, devoted entirely to — you guessed it! — Twitter. Besides her Top 10 Funniest Tweets lists, she conducts “Beyond the Bio” interviews, giving fans a “behind the tweets” peek at their favorite Twitter comedians.

Named one of the 100 Top Twitter Users in Chicago, Kate also routinely makes HuffPost Parent’s Funniest Parenting Tweets of the Week. Her tweets are regularly featured on Modern Mom and NickMom.

When not on Twitter or writing about Twitter, Kate blogs at Can I Get Another Bottle of Whine?, where she writes laugh-out-loud stories about the reality of life. Her essays have also appeared on Chicago Parent, The Huffington Post and in The HerStories Project anthology.

Connect with Kate on Facebook and Twitter.

WATCH IT via YouTube:

LISTEN TO THE PODCAST:

SUBSCRIBE TO LISTEN TO OUR PODCASTS:

Leave your questions for these women in the comments below or email them to Val at val@bonbonbreak.com before the show!

The post BBL: Jessica Ziegler and Kate Hall – Concept to Book in 30 days first appeared on BonBon Break.

How to Keep Up with Your Teens and Technology (& Giveaway!)

Val Curtis — Mon, 20 Oct 2014 04:30:30 +0000

When your children grow up to be teens you face a world of unknowns.

It is unknown how long a pre-teen boy can spend in the bathroom doing his hair or how many deodorants he thinks he needs- Beartrap? Manclaw? Wolf Thistle? What are these deodorant scent names anyway?

How many pairs of black leggings does your 14-year old daughter need? And why can’t she wear the same shirt within the same week, but not consecutive days? I can’t do laundry that fast!

See? Lots of unknowns. What we don’t want left unknown is their Internet safety.

Have you talked to your kids about porn yet?

I have. It went like this- “Hey kids. There’s videos on the Internet where they show people having sex, but in a weird way. It’s not normal or healthy. If you see any videos like this, don’t watch them. They can be illegal and disturbing. If your friends look them up then just let me know. We don’t want that stuff on our computer and it can have viruses and all kinds of bad things that will ruin your Minecraft.”

It’s pretty effective. I didn’t need to elaborate, that was all they needed to know.

Of course, tailor your discussion based on the age of your child.

My 14-year old daughter saw porn on the Internet at a friend’s house when she was 6. Needless to say she stopped going over to that friend’s house!

Ever since, I’ve taken steps to guard her exposure to what she sees and doesn’t see on the world wide web. Kids are smart these days. They usually know about stuff before we do. It’s probably the way we were with our parents growing up.

There are apps out there too you want to know about. You’ve heard of Snapchat and Instagram, but have you heard of Yik Yak, PostSecret and Whisper? Check out this overview of apps you should know about, but here is a quick summary of these three.

Yik Yak is a ratings app to rate up or down a user’s post. It uses GPS, so it is now prohibited at airports and middle and high school campuses for safety reasons. Some college campuses are starting to ban it too because of its risk of cyber bullying and plain uselessness. Like scrawls on bathroom stalls to gossip, you don’t want to be the subject of a rated-down “Yakarma”. Sound confusing? Yes. I’m confused. Better to just not bother.

PostSecret has been shut down after malicious content, so there’s one less thing to worry about.

Whisper is an anonymous way for posters to gripe about boyfriends, eating disorders, parents, you name it. Like a confessional of sorts of the Snapchat variety. Hmm, sounds tricky.

Recently, BonBon Break’s Editor-in-chief introduced me to a new option. Here’s something that is easy, safe and will help you be the gatekeeper of what comes through to your kids on the Internet- KidsEmail. She asked me if I would be interested in writing about it, and I had to share this!

Kids Email is a safe and easy way to set up your kids’ email accounts to be funneled through your eyes first, or with parameters that you control.

That means, no Viagra spam or Nigerian princes trying to get a hold of your 10 year old!

Teens don’t email each other, it’s a fact. These days they aren’t on Facebook much at all. However, they might email grandma or use an email to set up an app that requires one.

Also, once your kids are in high school, email is a predominant form of communication between teachers and students to answer questions about homework, grades, or anything else.

My daughter missed 8 weeks of school last year, due to a cyst she had to have surgery for and she emailed her teachers on a daily basis to keep up with what was going on in class.

Had I known about Kids Email then, I would have signed her up for an account. It’s really easy, it leads you through the steps and you can have multiple accounts for as many children as you have.

You can’t protect your kids forever, but at least you can trust that their email is safe.

What tools do you use to increase online safety for your kids?

A GIVEAWAY!

a Rafflecopter giveaway

PIN THIS FOR LATER:

This post was written by Rebecca Gallagher exclusively for KidsEmail.org and BonBon Break Media, LLC. All opinions are her own.

The post How to Keep Up with Your Teens and Technology (& Giveaway!) first appeared on BonBon Break.

Kids + Food = Gross by Science of Parenthood

Science of Parenthood — Fri, 19 Sep 2014 08:00:46 +0000

This was going to be a story about me and my kid’s disgusting experiences with food. Then I thought, I bet our friends and readers have MUCH better stories! Let’s crowd-source this bad boy!

Of course, I’m still going to share my favorite gross kid + food story from when my kiddo was little. Here we go:

I’d walked into preschool one day as my then-2-year-old came bounding over to proudly exclaim, “I’ve got a RAISIN in my NOSE!”

Because my baseline for most emergencies is “This isn’t happening,” my first thought was, Huh. Is he for real? It’s not like him to make up something random like that … I’d better look.

Surely, this is not happening …

I tried to look up his nose, but it was pretty dark in there. Honestly I couldn’t see much. But then … maybe … wait … I thought, Is that …? Crap! That IS a raisin! And it is WAY UP IN THERE.

In an attempt to get it back out he had really jammed it up into his sinus cavity. Super.

Shit! This was totally happening.

At this point his preschool teacher had become aware of the situation and was quietly freaking out, hoping that I wasn’t going to start loudly freaking out.

I had a feeling going in after it was going to be a mistake. Sticking pointy, metal tweezers up into my wiggly son’s skull seemed like a bad call. As a kid, I had never been that good at that game Operation. In this case, the “zap” would likely equal a gushing nosebleed.

Then … genius struck! I hopped him up onto the counter and told him to hold still because this was going to feel weird (Note: that was the last time the phrase This Is Going To Feel Weird didn’t make him take off running). I plugged the opposite nostril and asked him to open his mouth. Then I blew a short, firm blast of air into his mouth.

The air had nowhere to go but out the raisin-blocked nostril. Out came the air along with the mucous-covered raisin. Right onto my cheek. Ah, glorious motherhood!

I think I became his teacher’s favorite parent that day because a) I didn’t freak out b) I didn’t blame her and c) I made that raisin my bitch.

But enough about me and my snot-coated adventures. Let’s hear from our friends! We put out the call on our Facebook page asking for readers’ favorite gross kids + food stories. As expected, they did not disappoint! Enjoy! (But maybe not during lunch.)

Go Big or Go Home
My 4-year-old felt raisins stuffed in his nose was just “child’s play” and way overdone — so he wedged in red grapes instead; one in each side. Fearing an ER visit, I was somehow able to extract them out with tweezers. After a hysterical hug, I turned around to find the baby shoving tweezers into his little nostril. All in a day’s role-modeling! — Stephanie Mark Lewis

Experiment Gone Awry
One time, when my son was 4, he sucked Sprite up through his nostril with a straw. He couldn’t smell anything for days. Apparently, that is terribly painful as well. He never did it again. — Michelle Poston Combs at Rubbershoesinhell.com

Points for Creativity
My daughters like to use their long hair as a napkin. It’s just perfect for wiping excess ketchup off of their hands. — Jessica McNeill Azar at Herd Management

You Can Make What Out of Pasta??

My kid turned pasta into a penis and other stuff. Here’s a picture. If you look closely you’ll see how much time and effort he spent making sure all of the “bits” were represented. Face? Meh. Feet? Screw it. Penis and testicles? I’M ON IT. Abbie Gale at AllThatMakesYou.com

ABC Spells Delicious

At my grandma’s 90th birthday dinner, my son gagged on a piece of BBQ beef. I wasn’t at the table, but my brother was. He said it was the most disgusting thing he’d ever seen because he brought it back up and then proceeded to eat it again. Meanwhile, my brother sat there and watched my child CHOKE. Fucking asshole. — Jen Mann at PeopleIWantToPunchInTheThroat.com

… And Speaking of Vomit
Way way back, when GoGurt (that semi-liquid yogurt in a tube) first came out, our son was dying to try it. I bought some and let him have one as we pulled into the driveway. It was a hot day, and the air conditioning didn’t work in the car, so EVERYTHING in the car was sort of warm. He jumped out of the car and sucked down the entire lukewarm contents of a tube. And then promptly spewed it all over the front porch. That was 16 years ago. He hasn’t eaten yogurt since! — Laura Ehlers at Coast Of Illinois

What Goes Down Comes Back Up

My kid started choking on a piece of spaghetti. She then proceeded to pull the noodle out — with her mouth wide open, so the noodle was coming from her throat — then threw up all over the table. I swear every kid does that at least once. — Michelle Grewe at Crumpetsandbollocks.com

Gotta Have Some Gum

How about wanting a piece of gum really badly, then reaching under the diner table and grabbing a random piece from there. Ewwww! — Janet Hughes at bodynsoil.com

ABS: Always Be Snacking
My son once asked for snacks to be brought to the bathroom as he took a dump and I said hell no. Shitting and snacking don’t mix. – Deva Nicole Dalporto at MyLifeSuckers.com

In One End … And Out The Other

My toddler was pooping in her tiny potty in our MINIVAN on a road trip … while eating a bowl of rice crackers. (GAG) — Stephanie Smith Sprenger at Mommy, For Real

Crazy-Ass Combo
My son ate cinnamon raisin bagels with lox and cream cheese. So disgusting. – Sharon Hodor Greenthal at Emptyhousefullmind.com

Want Ketchup With That?
My daughter insists on ketchup with her sunny side up eggs. The ooey gooey-ness and the colors make me gag. Her plate looks like a crime scene. On Sesame Street. — Kathi Hooper Landers at Fourminutemusings.blogspot.com

And for my NEXT Trick …
I was out for dinner with my parents and 7-year-old nephew when he started choking on a mozzarella stick. I had to leap across the table and pull it out of his mouth. It was like a bad magic trick — that cheese just kept on going. My mother, sitting next to him, just stared in disgust. — Alyson

Well, two days ago, I was a few seconds too late to stop my toddler from plucking rice out of my dog’s fluffy tail and eating said rice. Important note: We had not eaten rice in almost a week. Was I sure it was rice? There are a few other things that look like rice, but they are all bugs so that’s my story and I’m sticking to it. – Jessica Rapisarda at Welcome to the Bundle

Mommy Says We Have to Share!
My daughter was eating her chicken nuggets outside the other day at the top of the slide. It took us a few minutes to realize that she was chewing the nuggets, then pulling the chicken parts out of her mouth and whipping it all across the fence into the neighbor’s yard. She only wanted the coating, but knew she was expected to eat the chicken. I give her points for creativity at least. And I don’t like those neighbours anyway. Maybe the raccoons will move over there. — Tara at Dontlickthedeck.com

How NOT To Nuke Food
My son never wanted me to throw his McDonald’s Happy Meal leftovers away. Once, when I was sleeping (which is why parents don’t sleep), he almost set the house on fire by putting the WHOLE Happy Meal, wrapping and all, in the microwave. — Lisa R. Petty at lisarpetty.com

Cleanliness is Next to Soupiness
I have a video of my 2-yea- old “massaging” a bowl of Ramen noodles. — Jenn Rian at Coolestfamilyontheblock.com

OH MY GOD, WE HAVE A WINNER
Our 1-year-old dipped a washcloth in the toilet, then started sucking on it. He, of course, giggled at how horrified his big brother and I were! — Shari at MomShar.com

For more scientific snarkiness, follow Science of Parenthood
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ABOUT NORINE & JESSICA: Science of Parenthood was created by writer Norine Dworkin-McDaniel and illustrator/web developer Jessica Ziegler.

Once upon a time, Norine met Jessica at one of those “it stays in Vegas” holiday parties — which actually sounds a lot more salacious than it actually was. A little while later, Jessica had a kid. Then Norine had a kid. Then Norine began developing a series of science-y/parent-y ain’t-that-the-truth-isms. Then Jessica came in and scribbled all over them. And Science of Parenthood was born. Norine and Jessica are not Nobel Prize-winning scientists … though they play them on the blog. Fortunately, Norine and Jessica are both married to their own adorable geeks, who explain all this science-y stuff to them at those times when recalling the laws of thermodynamics on three hours of sleep is simply too tall an order.

Follow Science of Parenthood on: their blog | Facebook | Twitter | Pinterest | Google +

The post Kids + Food = Gross by Science of Parenthood first appeared on BonBon Break.

10 Ways Toddlers are Just Like Pups

Science of Parenthood — Fri, 05 Sep 2014 08:00:54 +0000

Cute, cuddly little mischief-makers, toddlers truly are the puppies of humanity. As I watched my dog take off after one million bunnies on our walk this morning I thought, “You know, that dog is like a lightening-fast toddler, with about as much common sense.” And as I stumbled through the field after him, cursing and shouting the dog’s name, those toddler/canine similarities just kept coming! It hit me how similar toddlers and dogs really are …

1. They will both put just about anything in their mouth.

“What is in your mouth…? WHAT is in your MOUTH?? WHAT IS IN YOUR MOUTH??? Drop that dead bird/old sandwich/penny/button/lego/old gum!”

2. Both are given to dramatic rejections of “unacceptable” new food.

3. Brushing their teeth is an exercise in futility.

Just try to get the brush in there for a few minutes… NO, don’t EAT the toothpaste! A few half-hearted swipes … okay, that’s probably good enough.

4. They will both maintain intense, unwavering eye contact while pooping.

They know this is what we really want: those beautiful brown orbs. Why else would we be so eager to pick them up, package them tenderly and carry them around? We’ve done everything in our power to prove that, to adult humans, poops are as precious as gold.

5. Both adore annoying loud toys.

The higher-pitched the better … and the more likely that it will be the ONLY toy of interest at 5 AM.

6. They are both DYING to get their mitts on that fluffy kitty.

7. Both are perfectly happy to eat an entire meal directly off the floor.

In fact, they prefer it. Everyone knows that’S where the tastiest most-forbidden morsels are found. Dog hair and dust bunnies are the condiments of the under-four-foot set.

8. They are secretly trying to kill you by constantly being underfoot.

Ever hopeful that some forbidden treat will drop down to their level, they lie in wait. If they aren’t actively attached to your leg, they stealthily sneak up to stand six inches behind you. This is the only time they are capable of maintaining absolute silence. Ok, maybe they aren’t actively trying to kill you, but they definitely want to get you down to floor level so they can delivery many, many sloppy, wet kisses.

9. Untethered, their paths are impossible to predict.

What’s that smell? Is that a rabbit? What is that shiny thing? Is that a TRUCK?? ZOMG, THAT IS A TRUCK!! LETS GOOOO!

10. They both understand a lot more than they let on.

Sometimes you can just tell by the look on either of their adorable little faces that they totally know that what they just did was wrongity-wrong-wrong … and are making plans to do it again as soon as possible.

There must be more, What have we missed?

For more scientific snarkiness, follow Science of Parenthood
Facebook | Twitter | Pinterest | Google +

ABOUT NORINE & JESSICA: Science of Parenthood was created by writer Norine Dworkin-McDaniel and illustrator/web developer Jessica Ziegler.

Once upon a time, Norine met Jessica at one of those “it stays in Vegas” holiday parties — which actually sounds a lot more salacious than it actually was. A little while later, Jessica had a kid. Then Norine had a kid. Then Norine began developing a series of science-y/parent-y ain’t-that-the-truth-isms. Then Jessica came in and scribbled all over them. And Science of Parenthood was born. Norine and Jessica are not Nobel Prize-winning scientists … though they play them on the blog. Fortunately, Norine and Jessica are both married to their own adorable geeks, who explain all this science-y stuff to them at those times when recalling the laws of thermodynamics on three hours of sleep is simply too tall an order.

Follow Science of Parenthood on: their blog | Facebook | Twitter | Pinterest | Google +

The post 10 Ways Toddlers are Just Like Pups first appeared on BonBon Break.

Parenthood: A Lesson In Letting Go

Ellie C — Wed, 03 Sep 2014 04:00:49 +0000

by Lynn Shattuck of The Light Will Find You

If you’d asked me what the hardest part of becoming a parent was in those first months, I’d have said, “Yes.” It all felt the hardest: the shattered sleep, the crying (his and mine), the anxiety about everything, the constant nursing. The only thing that didn’t feel hard was the love that dripped down on me, a steady rain connecting me to my little boy.

But looking back, the overnight metamorphosis from being someone who moved freely through the world to one who was tightly tethered was one of the most challenging parts. At almost 35, I was used to my life, my way, my pace. My comings and goings. My bedtime, my waking up. And now, someone else dictated all of this. And when I did leave, he came with me. And not just him, but his stuff—his car seat, his diapers, and, if I remembered, his extra set of clothes.

I remember a dozen or so times when my son napped, and the old, unmothered part of my brain, the part so used to moving freely, thought briefly, Can’t I just go for a quick walk around the block while he sleeps? And my rapidly growing mama brain kicked in and said, No, no you cannot. You have to stay.

And I remember the first time I left my son with my husband, pulling out of the driveway feeling half elated and half like I was missing an arm, my son’s car seat bare and bland in the backseat.

I’ll admit to fantasizing, in those first months and years, about the day my son would start kindergarten, and I could return to some semblance of my old life, that old juicy untethered life I’d loved without even knowing it. Kindergarten felt forever away, like another planet, bright but distant, light years away.

But moments turned into months, and my little boy started preschool, and the twining between us stretched ever so slightly. And then my daughter was born, and again I was tied, again my leash tightened, again dripping with love.

And now, both slowly and suddenly, we’ve arrived at that far-flung planet—my son will be starting kindergarten. A golden bus will pick him up, drive him down roads he hasn’t yet seen—roads I haven’t either—and drop him off.

* * *

The other day in the car, he asked me how the first person who was ever alive could grow up with no parents. I thought about telling him about religion and science, about primates and ribs, but after a breath, I settled on, “I don’t know.” Still, my brain raced with thoughts of silver fish crawling onto land for the first time, continents sliding together and apart, an earth before flowers.

“Oh. Alice says that people come from trees,” he said. The poet in me was charmed by his preschool classmate’s mythology, but the vigilant mother in me seized the opportunity for a quick biology lesson.

“I like that. A lot. But people actually come from other people,” I said.

“How?” he asked, and I told him about sperm and eggs.

“Okay,” he said. “Mama?”

I held my breath, waiting for questions about how exactly the sperm and eggs get together, but instead he asked me a question about when I was pregnant with him.

“And there was a rope?” he asked.

It took me a moment to understand what he meant. “You mean the umbilical cord? Yes, that went from me to your belly button.”

“And then when you ate something, it went to me too?” he asked. “Yes,” I said, knowing it wasn’t quite that simple, but then again, perhaps it was.

* * *

Every night, snuggled close in his bed, he asks me to tell him funny stories.

His favorite stories are the ones about when he was smaller, the stories wrapped up in his own skin, grown over and forgotten: When you were little, instead of a stuffed animal, you liked to carry around a small jar of cinnamon. You called it mon-mon, because you couldn’t say cinnamon yet. Sometimes you even curled up and slept with it, the jar clutched in your little hand. A few times you brought it to preschool with you.

He laughs and laughs, delighted by this quirky former self. “More!” he says.

There was the time we were all taking a ride in my car to try to get you to nap. Your baby sister Violet was asleep already, and I thought you were on your way, too. But all of a sudden you burst out with, “Did Vi pop out? How did she get out of your belly?”

Or: Once, when you were a toddler and you and Daddy were waiting in line at Target, you said, “My belly is telling me it needs chocolate!” The lady in front of you laughed and said, ”My belly is telling me the same thing.”

I tell him these stories he’s forgotten, all these scenes that passed between us in the mountains of moments of his first years. These stories I know because of our closeness, all the days and nights spent stuck to each other, both literally and figuratively.

* * *

And now we untether.

Instead of his three days at preschool, he’ll be away from me for five days. His world will widen. He’ll learn things I’ve forgotten.

His orbit will grow. With time, he’ll swing wider and wider into the world.

With parenting, there’s so much letting go. First came the letting go of my old life, my autonomy. And even as I reclaim pieces of it as my babies grow, pieces that I’ve longed for, I am changed. So deeply stained by my love for them that multiplies, as they have, from tiny floating cells to skin and bone and heart.

The push-pull between my desire for autonomy and my desire to stay woven to my kids remains, ever-shifting. Kindergarten stretches the muscles of letting go, fraying the edges of our braid. I worry about whether he’ll make friends, if he’ll like his teacher, if he’ll be kind, if he’ll miss me.

At nighttime, and morning time, and any other time he’ll let me, I’ll ask him to tell me tales. About his teacher, about his classmates, about what it’s like to watch letters become words, and words become stories.

And I will write this all down for him, and for me, so we can remember as he moves further and further into this new locus of school and friends. I will see these new parts wrap around him, like cells becoming obsolete and replacing themselves.

Becoming tethered to my son was swift and sleek, sometimes painful. Untethering aches in a different way, slow and deep, squeezing hidden muscles of my heart.

What my son doesn’t know yet is that even as he spirals out, I’m still tied to him. Even as we both evolve, becoming future versions of ourselves, like chunks of earth rearranging. That pulsing blue-white cord he asked about is gone, but another remains. It too pulses and strains and stretches. It’s made of molecules of moments, bark and skin, dust and heat.

It’s invisible, but it’s the strongest thing I’ve ever known.

This post also appeared in Elephant Journal.

Fall Fashion for the Modern Mom! by Science of Parenthood

Science of Parenthood — Fri, 22 Aug 2014 08:00:58 +0000

How to wear fall’s hottest trends: Capes, Go-go boots, long gloves, notice-me red and over-the-top faux fur!

Hot of the presses, New York magazine covered these five top trends for fall in their latest fashion issue. We show moms how to wear them all!

Capes
Let’s start with what is undeniably the fall’s hottest fashion trend: CAPES!! Lush, vast, flowing swaths of fabric, that just BEG to be dragged through the closest sippy cup spill. Good luck changing a diaper in the backseat of your car wearing one of these. But who cares!?! You look AMAAAAAAZING.

Long Gloves
Here’s something we haven’t seen in AAAAAGES! Hello, Gorgeous! Really, long gloves make perfect sense for moms on the go. That is a LOT of length you can wipe under a runny nose. Three kids under five? With raging sinus infections? Pfffffffft. Please. You got this, baby!

Go Go Boots
If you thought ridonk stiletto boots were going anywhere, THINK AGAIN! Who was made for walking?? YOU in these H.O.T. go-go boots! I know you’ll agree these are on every mom’s must have list for fall. Skip your workout, nothing engages the core like precariously tip-toe chasing a toddler at high speed around a wood-chip covered playscape.

Accessories
While we are accessorizing, grab those over-sized, white-framed GORG sunglasses from this summer, those are still on-trend! BONUS: These big boys hide all manner of dark under-eye circles. Yes, PLEASE!

Faux Fur
The next fashionable mom must-have is FAUX FUR and LOOOOADS of it. It should in no way look real. It should be thick, chunky and color-saturated, which brings me to …

Lipstick Red
The color du jour: Notice-me red! O.M.G. this whole ensemble, head to toe, in bright, eye-catching, traffic-stopping, flaming hot, RED. EV. RY. WHERE.

Guuurl!!

You look FIERCE!

You look …

My gawd! You look like …

Awwwww, shit.

Well, you’ll be super popular with the under-four set. And maybe you’ll score a few birthday party gigs!

We’re here on Fridays!
Read more Science of Parenthood on BonBonBreak.com

For more scientific snarkiness, follow Science of Parenthood
Website | Facebook | Twitter | Pinterest | Google +

ABOUT NORINE & JESSICA: Science of Parenthood was created by writer Norine Dworkin-McDaniel and illustrator/web developer Jessica Ziegler.

Once upon a time, Norine met Jessica at one of those “it stays in Vegas” holiday parties — which actually sounds a lot more salacious than it actually was. A little while later, Jessica had a kid. Then Norine had a kid. Then Norine began developing a series of science-y/parent-y ain’t-that-the-truth-isms. Then Jessica came in and scribbled all over them. And Science of Parenthood was born. Norine and Jessica are not Nobel Prize-winning scientists … though they play them on the blog. Fortunately, Norine and Jessica are both married to their own adorable geeks, who explain all this science-y stuff to them at those times when recalling the laws of thermodynamics on three hours of sleep is simply too tall an order.

Follow Science of Parenthood on: their blog | Facebook | Twitter | Pinterest | Google +

The post Fall Fashion for the Modern Mom! by Science of Parenthood first appeared on BonBon Break.

#BonBonBreakSOS – BonBon Break Slice of Summer on Instagram

Val Curtis — Mon, 30 Jun 2014 21:18:16 +0000

July 1 we started a new Instagram event featuring our favorite bloggers and Instagrammers.

Every day for the month of July, a different blogger will be taking over our Instagram feed to give you a peek into what makes them and their site so unique.

Here is the schedule and list of fantastic Instagrammers we will be featuring. Click on the site name to go to their blog, click on the camera to peek at their Instagram feed and follow them:

1. Jenny from the Blog /The Suburban Jungle

2. Science of Parenthood

6. Wild Ruffle

11. Sisterhood of the Sensible Moms

12. Tamara Camera Blog