We’ve all said things to our teenage daughters that we don’t believe or condone. We’re just repeating the advice of past generations, and, let’s face it, nothing that’s going on in 21st-century adolescent culture is quite what it was.

Here are some of the things I’m vowing to stop saying to my teenage daughter and what I’m going to try instead.

What I say: It doesn’t matter what people think.

It does matter, to her. A lot. Psychologists have identified a phenomenon known as the spotlight effect, which seems to be particularly strong during the teenage years. This means that our teens genuinely believe that everyone notices every little mistake they make and that this colors their peers’ long-term opinions of them.

What to say instead: What do you think about most often?

As Samuel Johnson once said: “If any man would consider how little he dwells upon the condition of others, he would learn how little the attention of others is attracted by himself.”

Quoting Samuel Johnson to your teen is more likely to get you a condescending eye roll than a grateful epiphany, but it’s true that most of us are far too busy worrying about things that directly affect us to focus on what others are doing.

It may help your teen put things in perspective when she considers the fact that she only obsesses about her mistakes and embarrassments, not other people’s. So it’s unlikely that anyone else thought twice about that embarrassing incident in English class today unless it also impacted them.

What I say: It doesn’t matter how you look.

This is a lie. In high school and middle school, it does matter how you look. It shouldn’t, but it does. It matters how you dress. Hair and make-up matter. Weight matters. Girls talk about this stuff. Even to each other’s faces (and even more behind each other’s backs).

Teenage girls are brutal. They point out a pimple or a fashion faux-pas just because it’s there. So looks do matter.

What to say instead: You’re gorgeous. And it’s irrelevant.

Our daughters aren’t stupid. They know we’re biased. They don’t take our assurances that they’re gorgeous that seriously, but they still need to hear them. They also need to hear that their gorgeousness does not define them.  They need to hear positive praise unrelated to their looks.

They need to hear they’re smart or funny or lovable. They need to hear the same compliments we pay their brothers. They need specific and accurate compliments, so they recognize their genuine strengths and learn to play to them and be proud of them.

Part of our job in raising strong young women is teaching them both that they are beautiful and that their beauty is a small, unimportant part of who they are. It’s convincing them to feel attractive and to know that what’s on the inside is what matters.

It’s letting them know that yes, the sad fact is, looks do matter, even after the teen years. People continue to judge others by their physical appearance long after high school. But other things matter more. Much more.

What I say: Good grades are really important.

There are times in life when good grades will help you, and there are times when courage, resourcefulness, resilience, and common sense will help a whole lot more.

It’s natural to want and encourage academic success for our daughters, but we’re putting more and more pressure on them to get good grades in a world where long-term success and happiness don’t rely solely on doing well in school.

What to say instead: What do you want to do?

Maybe good grades are important to your daughter’s future career plans, but maybe you’re making assumptions that simply aren’t true. Start with your daughter’s ambitions and help her reverse-engineer a resume that will work for her instead of simply focusing on academic prowess.

Volunteer work, extra-curricular activities, and making connections (sometimes it really is about who you know) may be more valuable than top-notch grades. Encourage your teen to reach out to someone successful in the industry she wants to work in so she can ask what she should be doing now to help her succeed in the future.

Remember teenage girls are prone to frequent U-turns and the occasional whim. Help her identify opportunities that will lend themselves to adaption if she decides to change course along the way.

What I say: He’s mean to you because he likes you.

I don’t say this, but I hear it a lot. This is a common example of how we say something to our daughters that’s more about repeating what we were told as a child rather than telling them something we truly believe.

We tell our daughters this from an early age. A boy who pushed her over in the playground did it to get attention because he likes her. A boy in high school singled her out for (negative) attention because he has a crush on her.

There are any number of reasons boys may be mean to our daughters, but we all know that deep down, functional human beings aren’t unpleasant to people they like. And if they are, they probably need help, not an intimate relationship with someone who’s been told that that’s OK.

What to say instead: It’s not about you.

People’s behavior is related to their character, issues, or current frame of mind. One of the most valuable things we can learn as women and human beings is that most things are not about us. A few things are. But most aren’t.

What I say: These are the best days of your life.

This is another cliché adults have been telling teens for years. You’re old enough to go out and have fun. Your parents are still paying your bills. These are times when you have few pressures or responsibilities. Enjoy them. Be grateful.

This may have been true a generation or two ago. But modern-day teens have a rough ride. They’re dealing with scary levels of anxiety and a whole different set of issues. Their levels of depression are high and getting higher. Studies show that the best years of our lives probably come along much later.

What to say instead: It gets better.

It really does. And until it does, I’m here for you. Tell me what you need to get through the teen years. I’ll do my best to help make it happen.

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This post was written by Karen Banes exclusively for BonBon Break Media LLC.

The post Things to Stop Saying to your Teenage Daughter (and What to Say Instead) first appeared on BonBon Break.

“Thank you for my new toy.”

“Thank you for reading to me.”

“Little Brother, thanks for the balloon. Thanks for getting my favorite color.”

When I hear my boys say these things, unprompted by me, I feel…well…thankful. I am grateful that they are starting to appreciate what they have and what others do for them and to recognize that expressing their gratitude to others is kind and important. I’m grateful that something we’re doing must be paying off.

So, just how do parents raise grateful children? I’m not an expert on gratitude, but I am sure that appreciation is not taught with a single, mind-changing lesson. Rather, the lessons are in the every day. And it isn’t just about teaching appreciation for things. Appreciating experiences and other people are important too. Here are…

11 ways to raise a grateful child

1. Tell him thank you.

Much like “give respect to be respected,” children learn to appreciate by being appreciated. Thank your child for clearing the table, for playing nicely with his little sister, for waiting patiently while you finish a phone call. Thank him for just being a downright awesome kid. Show him how it feels to be appreciated and have his effort recognized, what gratitude sounds like, and how easily it can be a part of daily life.

2. Let him hear you thank others.

Our children learn so much by watching us. We can tell our kids to be grateful, but showing them what that means is so much more powerful. Point out the kind thing a neighbor or even a stranger did, and express how much you appreciate it. Tell your spouse thank you for making dinner, for helping with baths, for being a great parent. Let your kids hear you express appreciation for these things that are so easy to take for granted.

3. Don’t give her everything she wants.

Is it cliche to say that kids who have everything will appreciate nothing? When my oldest was a preschooler, I worried about him having a serious case of the gimmes. Maybe it was just his age, but I have to think that my tendency to bring home little gifts “just because” and indulge his every wish when we went shopping was part of the problem. We made a conscious effort to scale back – a lot – and I noticed a big improvement in his appreciation for the things we did give him.

4. Give her the things she needs, and provide her with opportunities to earn the things she wants.

Earning can take many forms, like a reward for accomplishing a certain goal or an allowance for chores. Even if you don’t want to tie an allowance to chores, the simple expectation that kids use their own money buy “extras” helps them to understand that many experiences and things require someone’s hard work. (When my boys ask for something at the store, I often ask if they are willing to spend their own money. If the answer is no, my response is usually that if it isn’t something they want badly enough to spend their own money on, they shouldn’t expect me to spend my money on it.)

5. Keep rewards reasonable.

It doesn’t take much to make kids happy, but when they constantly receive big rewards we are setting them up to think big is a way of life. A 50 cent allowance for a kindergartner is enough. When kids are potty training, stickers or M&Ms do the trick. They don’t need a new toy every time they poop or $10 a week. Save the big stuff – video games, a trip to the amusement park – for special occasions or celebrating really big accomplishments, so that it holds its value.

6. Call her out when she is unappreciative.

This doesn’t mean lecture the poor kid about how ungrateful she is, of course, but gently let her know, “Hey, you’re really taking this for granted and it’s not okay.” We’ve run into this at dinner time a lot. If the boys moan and groan about what we’ve served for dinner, our response is something along the lines of, “I think what you mean to say is ‘Thank you, Daddy, for taking the time to cook us dinner tonight.'” This usually stops them in their tracks. It lets them know they can appreciate the work that goes into making dinner, whether or not they like what’s on their plates!

7. Give back.

There are so many ways to give back to our community and to those in need. Rather than doing this solo, involve the kids and talk about what you are doing. Together, select a toy for Toys for Tots. Volunteer to help your local food bank with gleaning. Make care packages for the local homeless shelter. Encourage your child to put a small part of her allowance in the Salvation Army kettles in December. Participate in a walk-for-a-cause.

8.  Help your child see the need around her.

Need can come in so many forms. No matter your family’s situation, you can likely find examples in your community of people in greater need. Talk about why the Toys for Tots boxes are placed around town at the holidays. Point out the food bank when you drive by and talk about why it exists. As you tuck your child in at night, talk about how some children are not so lucky to have warm beds and a fridge full of food. If those things are a struggle for your family, help your child appreciate being healthy and loved. Those things seem so basic, but they are worth appreciating!

9.  Teach your child about developing countries.

Not in a “Woe are the poor people in those other countries” kind of way, but in a more specific way. Talk about how some countries do not have clean drinking water or medicines available. Find examples in the news or books to share with your kids. Sponsor a child through Food for the Hungry and have your child exchange letters with her, and talk about why your sponsorship is important. Help your child to recognize that there is a world beyond her own.

10.  Incorporate daily gratitudes into your family’s routine.

Whether it is part of your dinnertime routine, bedtime, or some sort of gratitude journal, encourage your child to find things to be thankful for every day. Help him to notice the little things that we so often take for granted.

11.  Write thank you notes.

Good ol’ fashioned thank you notes. They are more than a polite formality. They can also help children to realize that the fact a person gave them a gift or came to their party or did something especially nice for them is worth being recognized and acknowledged.

What do you do, to encourage gratitude and appreciation in your children? Please scroll on down to the commend share your stories!

Check out these posts from Musing Momma:

• Spilled Frappucinos: Letting Kids Experience Disappointment
• Three Magic Words that Encourage Respect

CONTINUE READING IN THE FAMILY ROOM

READ THESE FROM BONBON BREAK:

• How to Raise Independent Kids
• Food Banks: Help Beyond the Holidays
• What “I’m Sorry” Teaches

The post 11 Ways To Raise A Grateful Child first appeared on BonBon Break.

My vision of the perfect summer with my kids was completely squashed. At 7 and 3, they are both very independent. They adore and hate each other in the same breath. They will play side-by-side or together and it will seem like the world is alright, but when the arguing starts…it doesn’t stop.

I should preface this by telling you that my daughter is a screamer. She has been since she was born. We gave my son headphones to wear when she would get going as a babe to keep him smiling near his new sister.

She brought out the screamer in me, and my son, and my husband. Everyone is screaming.

Don’t get me wrong, I know it isn’t her fault. It is just the way it happened and I reacted. We all reacted.

When I called my husband, I was at my wit’s end. There had been nothing but screaming for days. I couldn’t take anymore. I was tired; emotionally and physically spent.

I kept telling myself to rise above the clamor, to soothe their nerves and teach them to calm themselves and to compromise with one another. Work to solve the problem and then the problem is solved. I have read the books, the posts, been to the classes. It. Should. Work. It wasn’t.

It always started with me using the skills I was taught and then, after I was worn down, there would be screaming, tears, apologies, hugs and cuddles. This wasn’t a cycle I wanted to continue. I couldn’t live my life feeling frayed.

And then I read THIS post. Amanda, from Dirt and Boogers, wrote about the importance of physical reminders. She created little yellow hearts all over her house as reminders not to yell. She was inspired by another favorite, Alissa from Creative with Kids.

I decided to try it. I needed something, but the thought of hearts everywhere wasn’t working for me. I am a physical person. I need to be removed from a situation to get clarity.

While my son and daughter started bickering over a Ninjago character’s head, I walked over to their art table, grabbed a piece of yellow construction paper and a pair of their kiddie scissors. I folded the paper in half and started cutting. Immediately, I had their attention. “What are you making mama?” “Just keep watching”, I responded. I won’t lie. I was shaking and crying as I was cutting out the heart.

When the heart was done, I placed it on the table and asked them what it was. “A pretty yellow heart! I love it!”, gushed my daughter.

“I’m glad you love it, because it is going to live in our house.” I walked over to the wall in the center of our house and taped it up there. “What are you doing?”, asked my son.

“I am putting this heart here because I care about you, I care about your sister and I don’t want to yell anymore. I don’t want to yell anymore because I care about you and I love you.”

I explained that there wouldn’t be anymore yelling in our house. If we felt like we were going to yell, we would walk to the heart and place our hand on it. We would breathe and count to 5 and then walk in the other direction until we felt composed.

As arguments started over the course of the day, I would ask one or both of the kids to “put their hand on the heart”. I used it three times, before I ever allowed myself to get angry and my kids watched me walk to the wall, place my hand on the heart and catch my breath.

This morning, I felt myself getting frustrated while we were heading to the car with soccer gear flying in all directions. I pictured the heart, kept walking and placed my hand over my own heart. Three days in and I still get teary every time I use it. I know I am making a commitment to my family and to myself each time I choose that yellow heart over anger and frustration.

We have been using it and it works for us. I am sharing in case it might work for you. It is a hopeless feeling to get angry with the people you love the most in the world.

I owe a heartfelt “thank you” to Alissa and Amanda for changing the dynamics in our home.

Please visit Alissa’s post: The Day I Realized I Was Bullying My Kids and Amanda’s post: How to Stop Yelling: a simple tip that works to read the inspiration behind this post and to see their interpretations. In addition, Amanda has started a Facebook group called “The Stop Yelling Challenge” and she has a great way to put inspirational mantras around your house.

If you need help finding mantras, Shawn from The Abundant Mama Project shared these on BonBon Break a couple of years back and I visit them frequently.

Don’t give up. You can do this.

This post was written by Val Curtis exclusively for BonBon Break Media, LLC

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The post I Had to Stop Yelling first appeared on BonBon Break.

While some mamas started homeschooling right away, I decided to give my kids and myself a reprieve.  But after almost two weeks of being on lockdown, both my kids and I were clamoring for a sense of normalcy.  

Corona quarantine pretty much sent me over the edge.  Maybe it was the moment I felt like I was room service, delivering meals to each of my kids.  Or maybe it was the fact that I just couldn’t get the kids on board with this new “distance learning” concept. What I did know was that I had three perfectly competent kiddos who were perfectly capable of making lunches, cleaning up, and even taking care of the duties at home.  

This wasn’t a hotel.

This wasn’t spring break.

This is not some extended vacation.

My frustration began to brew.   

In an attempt to corral the chaos during Corona quarantine, I had to take drastic measures to give my kids a sense of purpose each day.  I crafted a list of “Corona-cation” action items, addressed as chores contributions.  Chores are unpleasant tasks or small, odd jobs.  Whereas contributions are having a part in something bigger. They had to complete a handful of items each day.  My job was to validate their efforts on behalf of the team.  

It wasn’t that I didn’t want to do the chores, but I somehow went from a working professional to catering to everyone’s needs and taking orders like a short order cook.  I still had a job to do, I was still mom, and I still had the chores piling up.  

I decided to note all the things I was doing in the day, and then, I had an epiphany: Children all should be making contributions to the family – and not just in the face of a global pandemic, but for the good of the whole household.  Chores are unpleasant tasks or small, odd jobs. Whereas contributions are having a part in something. Contributions, not chores. 

I needed my kids to contribute to the success of the family.  They could get along and work together and complete parts that make the family whole.  My husband, holed up in his home office, didn’t have the time to roll out the trash cans.  And I, myself, an educator navigating the world of distance learning, needed time to craft lessons for my class.  The children began to become a vital role in helping the family unit function because of their contributions.  

If I am lucky, when we survive CoVid-19, we just might have some additional helpers making certain the household runs smoothly…and maybe a new definition of quarantine.

Click HERE to print your own copy.

• 
  Things to Stop Saying to your Teenage Daughter (and What to Say Instead)
  Parenting is part wisdom, part experience, and part tissue memory. We’ve all experienced that moment when we open our mouths, and our mother (or grandmother) comes out. We’ve all said… Read more: Things to Stop Saying to your Teenage Daughter (and What to Say Instead)
• 
  11 Ways To Raise A Grateful Child
  “Thank you for making dinner, Momma.” “Thank you for my new toy.” “Thank you for reading to me.” “Little Brother, thanks for the balloon. Thanks for getting my favorite color.”… Read more: 11 Ways To Raise A Grateful Child
• 
  I Had to Stop Yelling
  Last week, I called my husband with tears in my eyes and guilt on my back. “I can’t do this anymore. I quit!” My vision of the perfect summer with my… Read more: I Had to Stop Yelling
• 
  How Can Kids Help During Quarantine?
  When school closed its doors almost three weeks ago due to CoVid-19, none of us knew what to expect.  In my own home, the kids took to their computers watching… Read more: How Can Kids Help During Quarantine?
• 
  Someday, When Our Children Are Grown…
  Someday, when our children are grown, they will look back on their childhood in awe. They are living in a crazy time.

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The post How Can Kids Help During Quarantine? first appeared on BonBon Break.

They are living in a crazy time…
They battle the onslaught of social media, exploitation, and technology addiction.
They fear and prepare for the threat of school shootings and violence.
They isolate away to fight a pandemic and protect those who are vulnerable.
They face the potential of hate crimes, against their skin color, religion, orientation.
They might be unaware but are affected daily by the floundering economy, stock market, political wars and celebrity upheavals.
They see the ever-climbing temptations and all too easy access to drugs, alcohol, vaping, who knows what else.
 They feel the effects of pollution, the loss of nature, the change of the environment.
 They experience this world that is changing faster than ever around them, and they are just trying to keep up.

But…
They are strong, stronger than we ever were.
They are becoming socially and technologically smarter than we ever were.
 They are braver and more aware than we ever were.
 They are so much more full of empathy, understanding, and acceptance for all than we ever were.
 They are more conscious of how they effect the world than we ever were.
 They are opening their minds and hearts to all ideas and possibilities, more than we ever have.
 They adjust and shine on despite everything, more than we ever could.

Yes, it’s a crazy time. Yes, we worry about our children. Yes, we are doing everything we can to give them their childhoods while still preparing them for the world. And it’s working. Look at your child. See all the things they ARE, right now.

Someday, when they are the strongest and most rounded and best-educated adult generation this world has ever had, they will look back on their childhoods. They will see the things they faced and they will see the things they ARE. They will thank us, either in word or deed, for the sacrifices and lessons and changes we made and gave, to them. For them. Because of them.

Be strong, parents and teachers and support systems. Be strong and brave and empathic and shine on…just like they are. 

Written by Jenni Merritt

Find Jenni on Instagram @jennimerrittwriting or on her blog.

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The post Someday, When Our Children Are Grown… first appeared on BonBon Break.

Free Virtual Field Trips for Kids

San Diego Zoo – The San Diego Zoo has a website just for kids to explore amazing videos, lessons, and games. Have your little one jump interactive portal that brings San Diego’s zoo right into your home. – https://kids.sandiegozoo.org/

Yellowstone National Park Virtual Field Trip – From Mud Volcanoes to Mammoth Hot Springs, take the road trip you always dreamed of with Yellow Stone’s virtual tour! – https://www.nps.gov/yell/learn/photosmultimedia/virtualtours.htm 

Access Mars – Explore the surface of Mars on the Curiosity Rover! Access Mars lets you explore a 3D model of the Martian Surface identical to how it was recorded with the Curiosity Rover! – https://accessmars.withgoogle.com/

Animal Cameras – Thanks to live cameras from exhibits in San Diego, Atlanta, Houston, and Monterey Bay, your kids can look at zoo and aquarium creatures in real-time! 

• https://zoo.sandiegozoo.org/live-cams 
• https://www.montereybayaquarium.org/animals/live-cams
• https://zooatlanta.org/panda-cam/ 
• https://www.houstonzoo.org/explore/webcams/ 
• https://www.georgiaaquarium.org/webcam/beluga-whale-webcam/

Virtual Farm Tour – FarmFood 360 is a Canadian site that offers 11 Virtual Tours of farms from minks, pigs, and cows, to apples and eggs allowing your child to spend a day on the farm. – https://www.farmfood360.ca/ 

U.S. Space and Rocket Museum in Huntsville, AL – Explore the Saturn 5 Rocket on YouTube and more on this tour thanks to a real father/son outing! – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Qe5RqyMNhc 

Discovery Education Virtual Field Trips – Take your kids on an interactive field trip with Discovery Channel! Discovery Education is the global leader in standards-based digital curriculum resources for K–12 classrooms worldwide. With their award-winning digital textbooks, and multimedia content, your child is able to engage in high school lessons and activities, right from the comfort of your own home. – https://www.discoveryeducation.com/ 

The Louvre – Travel to Paris, France in a matter of seconds to see amazing works of art at The Louvre with this virtual field trip. – https://www.louvre.fr/en/visites-en-ligne 

The Great Wall of China – As China’s most famous attraction, the Great Wall of China is an essential stop on any trip to China. Explore the wall that extends over 3,000 miles and boasts over 2,000 years of history with this detailed virtual tour. – https://www.thechinaguide.com/destination/great-wall-of-china 

Boston Children’s Museum – Explore multiple floors of the Boston’s Children Museum with their phenomenal virtual tour that captures all aspects and details you would see if you were really there. – https://www.bostonchildrensmuseum.org/museum-virtual-tour 

Enjoy these virtual field trips and if you have a suggestion to add to the list, share it here.

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For a little more fun:

• Apps you Can Play with your Kids
• Best Games for Families
• Charades for Kids (with printable game cards)
• 10 Kid-Friendly Pandora Stations Parents Will Enjoy
• Free Learning Websites for Kids

The post Free Virtual Field Trips for Kids first appeared on BonBon Break.

Free Learning Websites for Kids

NatGeo for Kids – National Geographic has everything from Brain Boosters to Homework Resources to help your kiddos stay engaged while at home! With various articles and activities, kids had hundreds of reading and interactive lessons at their fingertips to teach them all about geography and amazing animals. – https://kids.nationalgeographic.com/

Switcheroo Zoo – Bring the zoo into your home with Switcheroo Zoo. Watch, listen and play games with your child to help them learn about different animals across the world. – http://switchzoo.com/

Into the Book – Looking for work on your child’s reading comprehension? Into the Book is a literacy comprehension resource for elementary students and teachers that focuses on eight research-based strategies: Using Prior Knowledge, Making Connections, Questioning, Visualizing, Inferring, Summarizing, Evaluating and Synthesizing. Browse through their multiple online interactive activities as well as tools for teachers and parents in both English and Spanish. – https://reading.ecb.org/

Seussville – Jump in the world of Dr. Seuss by visiting Suessville! Your kids can read, play, and explore with Dr. Seuss and his friends in the ultimate imagination getaway. The website also has programs available for parents and educators so you can be sure to stay connected with what your child is doing. – https://www.seussville.com/explore/

ABCya – ABCya provides over 400 fun and educational games for grades PreK through 6 with activities designed by parents and educators. ABCya was created with the understanding that children learn better if they are having fun, while also reassured adults that their kids are staying on track with Common Core standards. Activities are categorized by subject and grade level, and cover topics such as multiplication, typing, pattern recognition, and more. With so much variety, you’re sure to find something for kids at all learning levels and styles. – https://www.abcya.com/

Fun Brain – Created for kids in grades Pre-K through 8, Funbrain.com has been the leader in free educational games for kids since 1997. Funbrain offers hundreds of games, books, comics, and videos that develop skills in math, reading, problem-solving and literacy. – https://www.funbrain.com/about

PBS Kids – Have your kids hang out with their favorite characters through PBS Kids’ curriculum-based entertainment. With a 360-degree approach towards learning and reaching children, PBS KIDS uses media and technology to enhance learning opportunities, build knowledge, imagination, and curiosity. By involving parents, teachers and mentor figures in a child’s educational journey, PBS KIDS helps to empower children for success in school and in life. – https://pbskids.org/

Star Fall – Starfall Education Foundation is a publicly supported nonprofit organization, with the goal to create free and low-cost experiences allowing children to successfully learn through exploration. Through teaching strategies using positive reinforcement and collaboration, your kids can learn in an environment that fosters confidence, motivation, and success. – https://www.starfall.com/

Storyline Online – Reading aloud to children has been shown to improve reading, writing and communication skills, logical thinking and concentration, and general academic aptitude, as well as inspire a lifelong love of reading. Have your kids listen to some of their favorite books read by movie stars to help them stay engaged! – https://www.storylineonline.net/

Highlights Kids – With the mission to “Help children become their best selves by publishing content and creating experiences that engage, delight, and foster joyful learning”, Highlight Kids allows your child to read, play, and conduct science experiments all online in a safe environment. – https://www.highlightskids.com/

Kennedy Center Education Artist-in-Residence at Home –
Mo Willems invites you and your family into his studio every day for his LUNCH DOODLE. Kids worldwide can draw, doodle and explore new ways of writing by visiting Mo’s studio virtually once a day for the next few weeks. Grab some paper and pencils, pens, or crayons and join Mo to explore ways of writing and making together. – https://www.kennedy-center.org/education/mo-willems/

Let us know if you have any other free learning websites for kids to add to the collection! We will be adding to this site as our collection grows, so keep checking back. Send a suggestion here.

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For a little more fun:

• Apps you Can Play with your Kids
• Best Games for Families
• Charades for Kids (with printable game cards)
• 10 Kid-Friendly Pandora Stations Parents Will Enjoy

The post Free Learning Websites for Kids first appeared on BonBon Break.

The post Strategies for Reducing Anxiety: A Coping Skills Toolbox first appeared on BonBon Break.

First, breathe. Seriously, before you go any further, take one full minute and just BREATHE.

During this time, we need to keep it simple because we are in the position of homeschooling our kids for the next 6 weeks. Some schools have remote schooling plans in place, others don’t. I can assure you, they will provide you with resources. In case they don’t, turn to Khan Academy.

In addition, many of us will be working from home while attempting to manage our kids’ days. This is where easy is better. Take a moment to tell yourself that you will do the best you can at a reasonable rate.

The good news is…we’ve got your back. I am pooling together a group of my favorite moms and we are bringing BonBon Break back to help you through this. You. Are. Not. Alone. People have been homeschooling for a long time and we can, too.

10 Helpful Tips While Staying Home Due to COVID-19

Get on a Schedule.

Monday – Friday set up a schedule and stick to it. Wake up at the hour of your choice, have everyone get ready and get started.

Physical Activity Twice a Day (at least)

Your kids have energy to burn. In your schedule, have at least 2 45-minute sections where your kids are going to move. Break out the Wii and do a little Just Dance, start up some yoga, play some hoops, build a garden or a fort, but just move. We have TONS of activities for kids to get your creative juices flowing. Just remember, keep it simple.

Quiet Time

Build-in some quiet time. You can’t go go go all day long for 6 weeks. This is a marathon, not a race. Build-in downtime. You will all need it. Listen to an audiobook (Audible has been a lifesaver in our family for years), play some chill music, read or…

Get Creative

This is our FAVORITE section. Did you know that your kids can teach themselves how to play piano on YouTube?!? It’s true! Get a keyboard and you’ll be amazed. This qualifies as the best type of screen time. Start painting, drawing, beadwork or our favorite KNITTING! This video series will get you started and hooked! If you need yarn, visit one of these stores (Island Wools or Fillory Yarn). Hours of satisfaction and fun.

Set Snack Times

You know they will eat you out of house and home before you can blink an eye. Save your budget and teach your kids to make snacks. Two birds with one stone.

Get Social

Partner up with another family and set a time for your kids to chat via video conferencing using Google Meet, Skype or Zoom. Just like school, this is monitored time. Skip the texting and go for face-to-face chatting.

Rabbi Yosef Kanefsky shared this with his synagogue and it was shared in a newsletter that I read and it really spoke to me. Now I am sharing it with you and I hope you will keep it moving forward. During times of isolation, it is easy to lose our connections. Facetime or Skype a friend instead of texting or call them. We still need to “see” one another. 

“Every hand that we don’t shake must become a phone call that we place.”

“Every embrace that we avoid must become a verbal expression of warmth and concern.”

“Every inch and every foot that we physically place between ourselves and another, must become a thought as to how we might be of help to that other, should the need arise.”

Beware of Screen Time

This is an easy time to hand over the tablets and fill the void. Challenge yourself and your kids to only use your devices to create or learn something.

Meal Prep

Let your kids help you prepare dinner. Multiple kids? Each one gets a night. Having a Sous Chef along your side is a great chance for them to learn and for you to get a hand.

Turn off the News

I am not saying to turn off the world. Definitely check-in, but turn it off so you don’t get emotionally burned out.

Expectations

If you are not a teacher, don’t expect to know allthethings. Use your resources and let your kids connect with their classmates (via phone/video) to answer questions. Google is your friend and we will be sharing resources as we go through this journey. Take mental health breaks and know that this is temporary (or maybe you end up loving it!).

Bedtime

Keep it up. You need that time for yourself at night (or in the AM). Do something self-indulgent and if that thing is going to bed at the same time, do it. There is no need to wear a cape through this adventure. Just take it one day at a time and know that we are here for you!

Also, check out Common Sense Media. They are chockful of GREAT resources for families. Here is their latest list:

The post Involuntary Homeschool (You’ve Got This!) first appeared on BonBon Break.

But, at one point during our trip, my 4-year-old got too far away from me and a sea of people came between us.  I could see him looking around for me with fear in his eyes.  I quickly darted through the crowd towards him and I noticed the relief on his face when he saw me.

Then it hit me.  I never taught him what to do if he ever got lost.  A total parent fail.

He didn’t have one of those emergency contact tattoos or sheet of paper in his pocket with my phone number.

I’m not sure he’d be able to tell anyone my name.  He can sometimes remember my first name, but most of the time I’m just Mommy.

He had no idea who to approach to ask for help or where to go.

I completely failed at giving him the tools he would need if he was ever lost.

It was time for a lesson in safety.

CONTINUE READING IN THE FAMILY ROOM

The post Teaching Kids What To Do If They Get Lost first appeared on BonBon Break.

As girls enter the tween and teen years, this widening gulf can seem particularly great between mothers and daughters. How can we stay connected to our girls as they navigate the often tricky path of adolescence?

Here are five ways to keep your tween and teen daughters close on those days you feel you are growing apart:

#1: Connect without words. During adolescence, words often drive us further apart, can sometimes be misconstrued or can just add to the “noise” in all our lives. Give her a hug or a pat on the shoulder to tell her you care without saying anything. Touch can send her a powerful set of messages: I’m here. I see you. I love you.

#2: Write her a love note. We all need encouragement, our girls included. Put a loving note in her backpack, her lunchbox, in her toothbrush holder, in her underwear drawer, on her pillow or in another location you know she will see it. With all our busy schedules, we can miss each other in those hectic hours after school. When she is feeling empty, as many girls do during this tumultuous stage in their lives, kind words can fill her up and encourage her to come to you for support when she needs it.

#3: Listen more. Look her in the eyes and ask her, “What’s on your mind?” and give her your undivided attention as she answers. Try to avoid thinking about what you are going to say next or what advice you might give her. Many times she doesn’t need an opinion, a solution, a judgment but rather just to be heard. As she has the chance to reflect (which doesn’t happen often for any of us), she gets to know herself better and grows more confident. If asking about her day doesn’t go over well, try asking her, “What’s wrong with adults?” and see what she has to say. You might learn a lot!

#4: Spend time with her. Surprise her with something she would like, whether it’s taking her out to lunch during the school day or telling her it’s time to go to tutoring but taking her to get ice cream instead. If something spontaneous isn’t in the cards, ask her to come up with something fun to do together and try to make it a regular “date”. Keep your digital distractions at bay when you are together by putting your phone on silent and away so you can enjoy each other’s company.

#5: Lighten up. One of the reasons our girls seem so stressed is that everything seems high-stakes, whether it’s making the volleyball team, getting a part in the school play or acing the physics test. Help her be more lighthearted by bringing more play and fun into your family life. Laugh at her jokes. Use your sense of humor. Make fun of yourself. Be willing to look silly or ridiculous. Show her that not everything is a big deal. Being a kid (and an adult) is supposed to be fun!

Even from a distance, it’s awe-inspiring to see our girls discover the unique and special people they are becoming, right in front of our eyes.

READ THIS NEXT:

• 3 Tips to Get Kids to Stop Waking the Whole Family
• The Mommy Mirror
• Not a Pinterest Mom, Just a Recovering Crafter

Pin it for later:

This post was written by Barb Steinberg exclusively for BonBon Break Media, LLC

The post 5 Ways to Connect With Your Tween / Teen Daughter first appeared on BonBon Break.

Your goal is to make your child sleep. You devise a strategy in your mind and get him to bed. However, whatever you try never seems to work. You scream, you pin him to the bed, you call in the army…but in vain. Nothing seems to work! Your child’s boundless energy and refusal to sleep compromises your daily mission.

The fact that we all need sleep is understood. Children need it the most as adequate sleep is essential for their growth and development. Toddlers are said to require about 12-14 hours of sleep every night. By pre-school, they need about 11-13 hours. Once they are older, children will need about 10-11 hours of sleep. However, these days, children have a lot of sleep disorders due to various aspects like illness, improper intake of food as well as psychological factors.

So how do we get our children to sleep without having to put in so much effort? Here are some of our favorite tips:

10 Sleep-Inducing Activities for Easier Bedtimes

1. Playing Soft Music: This is a short-term solution, yet used widely by most mothers. Playing soft music in the background can help him drift into sleep effortlessly. The calming music will help induce dreams and make your child fall asleep. Lullabies are also fine, because the child may best respond to your voice. However, a music box or a CD of your kids’ favorite tunes will work equally well. The only thing to remember is not to make this a daily routine where your child will only sleep if he has music!!

 

2. Building Trust: A reason many children do not go to sleep is the fear that their parents aren’t going to be around. While trying to put him to bed, slowly say that you’re going to run an errand like wash dishes or feed the dog, etc. Promise him that you would be right back. Remember to keep that promise so that he knows that he can trust you. Then, repeat the same after a few moments. Leave for a longer duration this time. Do this for the next few days and make sure that the period you leave becomes even longer. Gradually, in one of those waiting sessions your child will fall asleep without you there.

 

3. Read stories: The good old-fashioned book reading technique works wonders with toddlers. Just make sure you have the right book, and you keep the toddler interested to listen to your story. Make sure your child is tucked in and comfortable before reading the story. Slowly as you read on, your child’s concentration levels begin to lessen and sleep starts to take over. Make sure your child doesn’t use any gadgets, watch TV or use a computer before sleeping as these can affect his chances of gaining a sound sleep.

 

4. Drink Warm Milk: The traditional strategy of drinking a glass of warm milk before bed can help your child fall asleep. Milk products are rich in the amino acid L-tryptophan, which induces sleep by increasing the levels of serotonin and melatonin in the brain. The effect is also psychological for your child as your toddler might just get reminded of memories when he was an infant and was fed and held in your comfortable arms. The warmth of the milk can also make the child sleepy. Just make sure that your child brushes his teeth to avoid cavities from forming.

 

5. Provide a comfy room: Every child’s room should be a comfortable space to be in. It should bring happiness and relaxation each time your child goes in. Set your child’s room temperature at a comfortable, soothing level. For a good night’s sleep, make sure the room is dark enough for your child to fall asleep. Check if the clothes and blankets do not restrict movement while lying down. Keeping a table lamp handy would be ideal in case he is afraid to sleep in complete darkness. Give advance notice about the child’s approaching bedtime, which can keep his mind ready for a rest.

 

6. Brain Muscle relaxation: This helps for older children who have a tough time trying to sleep. Ask them to apply a brain relaxation technique. From the toes to the head, ask your child to tighten and then relax every muscle group from the bottom up. Make them repeat out loud after you, “let your toes relax, and then your ankles and now your calves.” Make them do these relaxation exercises all the way up to your scalp.

 

7. Play Five Things: Ask your child to play the game ‘five things’ with you. This simple game just needs your child to name five things they can see, five things they can hear, five things they can feel and you can continue on and on. You could also use a book or any other material to make the game more interesting. Before you know it, your child will be so tired, that his eyes will shut midway through the game!

 

8. Reduce After School Activity: One of the chief reasons for your child not able to sleep properly could be his/her participation in too many after-school activities. They would be overburdened with work, pushing back dinner, study time and eventually bed time. It is important only to make your child do what he/she can handle. Plan play-time with more stress-free sports like running and jumping. Keep this time scheduled for a fixed duration and ensure that your child doesn’t drain out all his/her energy by exerting too much. This way, when the time for bed arrives, your child will feel sleepy automatically.

 

9. Set up a Reward System: Kids love to be appreciated by their parents. A good way to make sure they sleep on time is to set up a reward system, where you can gift your child a sticker or a star for each night she goes to bed on time. As she collects a particular number of stars or stickers, you can get her a bigger prize. This will motivate and provide incentive for the child to keep the sleep schedule at all times.

 

10. Give them protection tools: Children sometimes feel afraid of “the monster under the bed” or the spooky shadows on the wall. Provide him with tools that help him feel safe in bed. A flashlight, a stuffed animal like a teddy bear, an “anti-monster spray”, etc. are some examples of tools you could arm him with. He will feel more protected this way and won’t feel worried. Assure them that you are just a call away, and the table lamp is close by just in case he needs it.

 

Getting your child to sleep can be quite worrisome for some parents. With patience and the careful following of the above techniques, you are sure to get your child slipping into a healthy sleep routine in quick time!

Editor’s Pick for Sleep Training Books:
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READ MORE IN THE FAMILY ROOM

 This post was written by Aradhana exclusively for BonBon Break Media, LLC

The post 10 Sleep-Inducing Activities for Easier Bedtimes first appeared on BonBon Break.