Comments on: 3 Alternatives to ‘Look Me In The Eye’ by Dirt & Boogers

By: Robin Ori

Robin Ori — Thu, 11 Dec 2014 05:22:57 +0000

My 4 year old ALWAYS does this. When she does I have a hard time knowing if she is lying to me or not. I love the idea of putting them in your lap. I will try this next time.

By: Why Won't My Toddler Look Me in the Eye?

Why Won't My Toddler Look Me in the Eye? — Tue, 02 Dec 2014 13:00:30 +0000

[…] So how do you know if your toddler or child has heard what you’ve said? Here are some great tips from the people at Bonbon Break: […]

By: Interview with Bonbon Break Contributor Amanda Rueter (Dirt & Boogers) | Beyond Your Blog

Sun, 16 Nov 2014 18:06:55 +0000

[…] gave me some topics they were focusing on, but I had this piece that I really wanted to write about kids having to look their parents in the eye. I thought it would be good for their audience, so I pitched it to the Family Room editor and she […]

By: Angela

Angela — Fri, 07 Nov 2014 17:27:04 +0000

I love the point Amanda makes about how difficult it is to look an authority figure in the eye. If it’s hard for an adult to do, then how can we expect our kids to do it? In my mind, I’m mom. I’m not intimidating. I’m unconditional love. But in their mind, they did something wrong, I’m not happy and they don’t want to look at me. Come to think of it, it’s also hard for anybody to admit that we did something wrong. I’ll have to step outside my current frustration and really put myself in their shoes.

By: Stevi Ferguson

Stevi Ferguson — Sun, 19 Oct 2014 04:24:08 +0000

My kiddo isn't quite 2 years old, and I've started doing this with him. It helps pull him "out" of himself (tantrum), or whatever problem he is having, so we can connect. I ask him to show me where my eyes are, so he looks, touches my face, and then I hold his hands while we talk and let him look wherever he wants. So far, it seems to work pretty well.

By: Shannon Leon

Shannon Leon — Tue, 29 Jul 2014 00:56:07 +0000

wish someone would tell my son's teachers, they've just wasted 3 years of his life putting their hands up to his eyes trying to get him to look at them.

By: Susan Lee Maccarelli

Susan Lee Maccarelli — Thu, 17 Jul 2014 18:37:34 +0000

These are awesome suggestions. I know I have been guilty of making them look at me, but it makes total sense that they can still pay attention when looking away. I really like the facing out idea as well. Thanks for the great tips!

By: Amie

Amie — Tue, 15 Jul 2014 20:01:58 +0000

Interesting. I find it bothers me immensely at times that my children won’t look at me when I am speaking to them but you are right, it is very hard to maintain eye contact with someone who is angry with us. Looking down or away is natural. My kids have repeatedly told me that it is easier to listen to me if they are allowed to look at their lap and fidget with something…however there are plenty of times I allow than and I check for understanding and its like, “Uhh…sorry mom, I didn’t hear what you said” because they have sort of checked out. I also notice they miss out on some context when they look away – body language and facial expression is a huge part of communication, and if they can’t/won’t look at me, they miss it every time. That is my worry for them, as well as the fact that the society in which they live expects eye contact and will judge them for not being able to maintain it appropriately. There are just no easy answers for this, but I do agree getting into big power struggles aren’t effective and a more gentle approach to building this skill into kids may be a better idea.

By: Tammy Soong

Tammy Soong — Mon, 30 Jun 2014 07:06:47 +0000

Holy moly this is good and interesting. Has my mind churning about the whole "does he have autism — he doesn't make enough eye contact" issue that we're all so very obsessed with in young children.

By: Erin

Erin — Thu, 26 Jun 2014 19:46:26 +0000

Eek! Just the idea of this makes me so uncomfortable. In my opinion, forcing someone to make eye contact IS a power play and nothing more. I’m sure your husband didn’t really intend to dominate his child and was probably just conditioned to believe that eye contact = listening.

One of my kids likely has auditory processing problems, so he actually WILL look at me and search my face to see if I’m angry, but I know that this is not exactly a sign of listening respectfully, but fearfully trying to figure out why I am upset. I try to understand that my kids are sensitive to my emotions and have a difficult time learning anything from me when they are emotionally overloaded (sad, angry, scared, etc). That’s not a good time to get an important message through. Instead I try to choose times when they are listening to me to talk to them about important things.

By: John Schoeneck

John Schoeneck — Thu, 26 Jun 2014 09:44:31 +0000

Thanks I need all the help I can get great suggestions!

By: Abandoning Pretense

Abandoning Pretense — Thu, 26 Jun 2014 02:36:04 +0000

I love the "repeat back" and use it frequently! Haven't tried the "face-out," yet, though. But I will!