Maybe you have one child. Maybe you have six. Whatever the case, you’re a mom with more kids than you can handle. So although you love babies, you hung an “OUT OF BUSINESS” sign on your uterus and closed up shop. To get your fill, you ogle infants in strollers to the point where families pray there’s a police officer nearby. When someone you know has their baby in tow, you beg to hold the child, even for just a few seconds.
This baby lust, however, should never, ever be confused with actually wanting another child. No sirree, it should not! You DO NOT want any more of those tiny humans in your house; the ones you have already have landed you with one foot in the insane asylum and the other in the poorhouse.
But, then you learn that a dear friend (or relative) is having a baby! You’re thrilled for her! OOOOOOOH! All those delicious moments! She’ll get to meet her baby for the first time, all those snuggles and snuzzles and raspberries on soft, sweet-smelling new skin, those little legs, those tiny little outfits, the love-locks — gazing into each others’ eyes because you are the world to each other.
Then, after the joy bubbles away, with a little, or maybe a lot, of glee, you imagine how your cute little friend, with her tidy little home, her stylish little clothes and her fun little plans is about to have a wrecking ball in a onesie smash up her life.
“Guuuuuuuurl, you have no idea!”
You don’t want to be a total bitch and ruin the experience for her, but you don’t want to lie, either. A part of you wishes friends had told you how stressful – like falling madly in love with a ticking time bomb—motherhood was, but who wants someone poisoning her pregnancy?
On top of it, you honestly don’t know why you feel the need to be Reality Check Rita. Do you want your friend to be as miserable as you sometimes are? But something inside you needs to give sisterfriend the gory details, to throw the gates open and cry, “Those shiny, lovey commercials, movies, magazines, and Facebook status updates? THEY ARE ALL BULLSHIT LIES!”
You never say it to your first-time mom friend, but you still think it.
Just you wait.
Just you wait until the universe craps on all your plans.
Just you wait until you’ve woken up every two hours every night for six months, or more.
Just you wait until you haven’t observed any personal hygiene for days and you’re as filthy as an 18th-century pirate.
Just wait until the home you worked so hard to decorate looks and smells like a toddler frat house.
Just wait until your child won’t stop crying and you understand how people can go to a very dark place with a little one.
Just you wait until some chipper person asks “So, what’d you do this weekend?” and you want to choke her.
Just you wait until your clothes are all ruined and you don’t have the time, money or the will to buy new ones.
Just you wait until you realize that your spouse/partner is a good parent and means well, but in terms of all things practical with the baby, is an evil nitwit.
Just you wait until you are forced to step way outside your comfort zone because it means everything to your child.
Just you wait until you do something you swore you’d never do as a parent.
Just you wait until your child has her first public meltdown.
Just you wait until you feel beaten down by a mompetition you didn’t know you’d entered.
Just you wait until every choice you make — including something like actually sitting down to eat – is no longer about what you need or want to do.
Just you wait until you are constantly going 100 mph, and your mind even faster, trying to keep track of EVERYTHING.
Just you wait until you are so consumed with your children’s safety, happiness, education, activities, mood swings, habits, social life, not to mention your ability to provide them with transcendently magical experiences, that you can barely see straight.
Just you wait until nothing you can provide is ever good enough.
Just you wait until you . . .
Just you wait until your heart is exploding with a love bigger than you ever imagined possible.
Just you wait until you’re so fully present in a moment with your child, you wish it would last forever.
Just you wait until you find your mom tribe.
Just you wait until your life is distilled down to what really matters.
Just you wait until you realize you can be great without being perfect.
Just you wait until your children genuinely respect, trust and love you for keeping your priorities straight.
Just you wait until you figure it out for yourself.
Just you wait until you realize parenting means learning as you go.
Just you wait until you realize, “I got this.”
Just you wait until you can tell a new mom the same thing.
READ MORE FROM KEESHA:
- 20 Things An Only Child Will Learn About Siblings
- Mixed Blessings: Living in a Biracial Family
- Stop Buying Sh– For Your Kids
ABOUT KEESHA: Before her two children re-choreographed her life, Keesha was a professional dancer who performed in the U.S. and in Europe. Today she teaches modern and jazz dance in the Chicago area. She is also the human cyclone behind the blog Mom’s New Stage. A multitasker at heart, she shows fierce skills at simultaneously writing, choreographing, checking Facebook and Pinterest updates, playing the role of a mother named Joan “Kumbaya” Crawford, and overcooking food. Keesha is one of the select contributing authors of In The Powder Room’s first anthology, You Have Lipstick on Your Teeth. Her writing has been featured on Mamapedia, The Huffington Post, in the New York Times bestselling anthology I Just Want to Pee Alone, and in the third book in the Pee Alone series, I STILL Just Want to Pee Alone. She was recently awarded a Voice of the Year Award for her Bonbon Break original piece Dear White Mom.
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This post was written by Keesha Beckford exclusively for BonBon Break Media, LLC.