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Over forty and a mother for thirteen years. It’s hard to believe so much time has gone by since the days when my husband and I lived a very different lifestyle which included hanging out in strange cities, staying up all night, living in close quarters with three other people and a steady diet of beer and Taco Bell.

 

Let me be clear; we were in a band, not a commune.

 

The struggle to remain creative outside the demands of motherhood has never been born of a lack of interest. I’ve experienced a number of false starts and a twenty year band reunion that brought it all back and front  and center to remind me that “This is who I am!”

 

But who is that…really? Outside of my identity as a mom, what is it that defines me and gives me a sense of purpose as a human being?

 

I’ll admit that as I sit here trying to answer that question, it’s not as easy to answer as I’d expected, despite going through a couple of identity crises over the years. I think that’s because motherhood is so all encompassing that it begins to define us. That’s not at all a bad thing, but the further in you get, the farther away you get from the person you “were” before you had kids.

 

So who am I?

 

Who I am is somebody who’s dreamed of making music her whole life – since I was eight -when I first picked up a guitar and started strumming along to Buck Owens during “Hee Haw” on Saturday night.

 

I’m the girl who spent hours in her room playing her guitar, idolizing Stevie Nicks and Tom Petty.

 

Music defines my personality in a way that nothing else does. As much as I am a wife and a mother, I am, at my core, a creative person; a musician. That has always been how I’ve thought of myself first and foremost.

 

I’m the girl from school with the guitar who played “Landslide” at every talent show. The person who moved to New York and busked in Washington Square Park singing Dylan songs living my version of the 1960s folk revival. I’m the one who jokes that I not only found a lead guitar player when I placed an ad in the local music paper looking for band members…I found a husband. Two for one classifieds.

 

The fact that many of my friends – who are also creative and artistic – don’t have kids is not lost on me.

I go into the city from time to time to hang out with them at shows and talk about art and politics and strangely, or maybe not, I don’t feel a void where the diaper Genie conversation used to be.

 

My husband will happily tell you that although I can be as Martha Stewart as the next chick, baking cookies and going all Pottery Barn on the home decor, I’m the only woman he knows who would require that the guitars be hung on the bedroom wall.

 

I am also the person who cooks dinner with Led Zeppelin blaring from the speakers, singing “Black Dog” at the top of my lungs to the dismay of the youngsters upstairs. I break into spontaneous song at the mention of anything resembling a song I have heard or could possibly make up on the spot.

 

I am the mother who wears army boots, the lady who shushes her kids when a good song comes on that must be sung along to, who makes them sit in the car to hear every verse of “Bohemian Rhapsody” because it’s “an important lesson in pop culture”.

 

So is it an acute case of immaturity? A Peter Pan complex? Or just a quirky personality? Maybe a combination. What I know is that I need that dimension to my personality. I need an outlet, a form of expression that gives me a voice in the world.

 

So, I’m letting my freak flag fly. Full staff. That’s just how I roll.

ABOUT LINDA: Linda Roy is mom to two boys and founder/co-songwriter of Indie Americana band Jehova Waitresses, which she fronts with her husband on lead guitar. After many years of marital and musical partnership, they still haven’t killed each other.

Her blog chronicles life as a mom and musician, as it takes humorous stabs at day to day life, social commentary and even throws in a few song parodies for kicks.

Follow Linda on Facebook, Twitter, and Pinterest.

 This piece was written by Linda Roy of Mod Mom Beyond IndieDom exclusively for Bonbon Break Media, LLC.

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