Why I Don’t Have (or Want) a Best Friend Forever
“You don’t have a BFF.”
My husband hit me with this gem a few weeks ago.
“What are you talking about?” I asked with a hint of warning in my voice.
He pushed on, ignoring my tone.
“I see all these women talking about their BFFs. You know, those girlfriends that they talk to about everything. You don’t have that.”
“But I have good friends,” I said.
“Yeah, but you don’t have a BFF that you call for everything and complain to about me.”
He wasn’t wrong. I don’t have that.
From a young age, I wanted a “Bosom Friend” (Anne of Green Gables, anyone?). I wanted the Diana to my Anne (because of course I was Anne).
I’ve had a lot of friends over the years, some good, some bad. I have friends I can call when I’m in crisis or when I simply need someone to lend me an ear.
I have friends I would drop everything to help. There are a select few contacts in my phone who can call me at 3:00 am without fear of my wrath. (Want to know if you’re one of them? Try calling at 3.00 am. I dare you.) But I don’t have a BFF.
A few days ago, I got a call from a friend who wanted to visit. She is one of the few friends from childhood with whom I still maintain a relationship.
We have lost contact many times. She married young and lived overseas for a few years. I went to college and stayed close to home. We have gone years without seeing one another. She has moved so much that I frequently lose track of how to contact her.
When she arrived, we hugged and began chatting as if it hadn’t been months since we last talked. We are both married now with one child each. Our lives are established and hundreds of miles apart from one another.
We were soon talking about our families, relationships, faith, and personal struggles. It’s true that we have both grown and changed, and we don’t see eye-to-eye on everything. Even so, sharing with one another seemed as natural as breathing.
We shared our thoughts and convictions without fear of judgment. Our advice came from a place of love and understanding. The bond we have shared over the years transcends any religious or life-choice differences.
As we talked, I realized that the best friend relationship my husband referred to was one he had seen on television. He was measuring my friendships against Monica & Rachel, Jess & Cece, Lucy & Ethel.
While those friendships make for good television, they are not reality. Real friendships are not based on proximity and frequency of contact.
The mark of a good friendship is the ability to be supportive in the good times and bad. It is being apart for years and still maintaining that close connection. It is lending an ear without passing judgment. Friendship is solidarity and loyalty.
This is what I share with my small group of friends.
Maybe I don’t have a best friend in the traditional sense. But I have deep connections with people that go beyond sitcom-like antics.
I cannot quantify the depth of each of these relationships against one another. I cannot say that one of these friends is better than another or that one is my “best” friend.
What I can say is that they are there for me and that I am there for them. No matter where life takes us, no matter how much time we spend apart or out of contact – we are bosom friends.
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Why I Don’t Have (or Want) a Best Friend Forever was written by Deidre Parsons exclusively for BonBon Break Media, LLC.
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